The year was 1980,
I was a production manager for a busy cabinet shop.
We needed to hire another draftsman.
Someone mentioned Paul, a former employee might be available.
The owner arranged the meeting and Paul decided to come work for us.
In the past, Paul had worked for the company for many years and left to pursue a family business venture.
His departure was before I came to work there, so I didn't know him or his reputation.
The shop foreman was really the only person to have known him dating back more than 10 years working together.
I was warned that Paul was one of the fastest in the business... however, this came with a price. He also was the most temperamental person in the business.
After a short orientation Paul fit right into the system.
Soon after, he began to compare (read: complain) the 'old way' versus the 'new way' and how we were doing things. Technically, it was a new company. The father was retiring and passing the company to his sons. Most of the staff both factory and office were new... Although I'm sympathetic to trying new ideas, our system was working quite well, we weren't interested in "How it was done back then."
Sometimes his anger was only a tipoff to greater problems.
I was his supervisor and often, I felt like I was feeding lions at the county zoo.
Some days, it appeared that Paul was wearing mascara.
There was some gossip going around the office and the shop foreman having known him so many years, asked him directly. His answer was "Yes" Paul went on to reveal (to the foreman) he worked nights and weekends as a female impersonator in a gay bar.
That would technically make him a "Transvestite"
The story goes deeper:
Earlier in life, Paul served in the military and had a typical marriage. He fathered 2 children. The marriage ended in divorce but he maintained contact with his ex-wife and kids. He told the foreman he never felt comfortable in a man's body and (later on in life) sought medical and psychological evaluations. He contends x-rays showed he had both male and female organs. To be specific, one partly developed ovary was in his abdomen.
Paul decided he wanted to become a woman. He was nearly 60 years old and no longer wanted to be a man. Over the course of a year, we began to see physical changes occur. Paul was undergoing hormone treatment and started sprouting breasts. Weekly visits to a dermatologist to remove the large tattoos on his forearms, as well as electrolysis to remove arm and facial hair. He always came to work wearing slacks and a long sleeved shirt but now it was apparent he was wearing a bra too.
Vacation was due and Paul had a trip planned. He went to Mexico to have his sex change surgery. There were complications that extended his hospital stay but on the Monday of his return... He became a she and was wearing a dress. Soon after came the legal documents for name and gender change.
It seems Paul had turned into Paula.
In the months that followed, Paula had smoothed out her irritability and became much more friendly to her coworkers. A total transformation had occurred. Since Paula was post-op, she could no longer pose a female impersonator and as the factory foreman so wittingly put it "She screwed herself out of a job."
I had been planning this blog for weeks. Up until last night, I was busy with work and resisted doing necessary research. I spent hours in the last 2 days looking at websites, viewing videos on YouTube about Transvestites, pre-op transsexuals and post-op transsexuals. I was in total shock to see videos of the surgery process needed to turn a man into a woman.
It was also a surprise that so many of these men take female hormones, but never go through the final surgical process of castration and inverting the penis skin to form a vagina.
They seem to be satisfied living in the gray area not completing the total transformation.
I said all this for a reason....
Matchdoctor has selections in the sign-up page for: man seeking woman, man seeking man, woman seeking man, woman seeking woman. Plain and simple, there are no 'other' selections to choose from here. My best guess is alternative lifestyles are included in membership to AdultMatchdoctor. I don't know if the resources there are different.
This is something, probably the intent of MD not to comment on, as long as it presents no complications. But I've noticed a few transgendered (men to women) members here. It's obvious, isn't it? They have nothing to hide. If you read their profiles they clearly explain their situation. They choose to be here and Matchdoctor allows it. I'm OK with that too.
What puzzles me are the 'highly questionable' profiles. Some call themselves "T-girls" Sexy and exotic seeking romance and fun. Others indicate their job is 'entertaining' and they meet lots of people. So what are they?
I'm sure you have seen them and are shaking your head in disbelief.
Profiles marked Female seeking Men. They wear ultra tight slinky dresses and high heels. They have suggestive poses wearing sexy lingerie... but their hands are partly covering 'bulges' inside those bikinis and tight dresses. Are they really men posing as women? Shouldn't they be 'selling their wares' on another dating website?
Thank you for reading my blog
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| TRANSGENDER: When Paul becomes Paula |
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chatillion
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Jan 6 @ 10:12AM
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Relevant comments are welcomed. I'm not looking to 'stir up trouble' with this blog, nor am I looking for troll comments. If you have something to add, great. Lets' treat this with respect and an open mind. Like any blog author I reserve the right to delete any off-topic or offensive comments.
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HandyItalian
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Jan 6 @ 10:36AM
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Oh Brother......... Some people need a life, way too much time on there hands...... 
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JimNastics
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Jan 6 @ 10:38AM
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Well, I'm glad Paula is happier, than the way he was.
Not for me, but to each their own.
Some fish & frogs change sex easily, so why not humans, I guess.
Whatever makes 'em happy.
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chatillion
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Jan 6 @ 10:41AM
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Would you two have preferred a Hilliary Clinton blog instead?
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newpatches
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Jan 6 @ 10:42AM
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I don't have any relative input for this subject other than to say it is a timely subject for this day and age. I am impressed with chatillion's writing and the research on this subject. So many blogs are filled with friviolous and nonsensical drivel and it's refreshing to see one that is relevant to our times and intelligently written.
Chatillion takes a real risk to post a blog that could bring offensive comments from those who are judgemental and close-minded. I applaud you for your courage. I rarely give kudos but to you I give what I have. Keep up the good work. 
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ragtopcookie
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Jan 6 @ 10:45AM
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i know......things like this happen......probably more than im aware of......lets just say im glad i was born a man......never wanted to be a woman.....now enough of this kind of talk and lets all get ready to watch some football today......cookie
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UnicornLover1962
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Jan 6 @ 10:54AM
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when i was younger, i wanted to be a boy because my brothers used to get away with stuff that i, being a girl, couldn't.
now that i'm older, i'm glad i'm a woman and with all the right parts.
in today's society, transgender is more widely accepted than ever before. not that it's for me, cause it ain't. but i could see one of my sisters changing quite easily.
great blog and great topic
kudos
mel
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HandyItalian
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Jan 6 @ 11:10AM
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Widely Acceped Unicorn.!!..... Yea..... I can see him getting laid. then getting Shot after a guy turns on the light........lol lol 
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Cynbaby
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Jan 6 @ 11:13AM
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I'm just so happy to be a lady  I don't know how you guys walk around with those things stiffen up all the time
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Mellajenn
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Jan 6 @ 11:21AM
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Great blog..very informative, and it was interesting to see his personality change
...how come my job don't have that much excitement going on in it??  
Thanks for sharing!!
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teddybearagain
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Jan 6 @ 11:21AM
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Just for the record, this Paula was NOT a former Paul 
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Injuneer
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Jan 6 @ 11:22AM
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A well written and thought provolking Blog. Certainly you may take some heat, but the point is well made and you have done so without interjecting negative or insulting comments. Having once lived in NYC where there is a significant population of people that are making such changes, I had the opportunity to work with and "know" more about them and their motivations. The simple fact is, they are just like everyone else you know. People make a variety of modifications to their appearance, their lifestyles, their collecton of friends, their careers. We only react negatively because we don't always understand and fear is a natural reaction to that which we don't understand and appears to us as drastic.
The human race continues to grow and develop. As we become more knowledgeable, we also become more understanding and more tollerant of that which we may not fully understand or agree with. One hundred years ago the simple discussion of "gay" people was unheard of; now it is much more common place and actually a part of the national conversation. The changeing of one's sex in either direction was also once unheard of, but now is just beginning to be a part of the national conversation, although it will certainly take place at a slower pace because there is not nearly enough information readily available about it, but that too will change over time.
Through history many great people have preached the idea of tollerence. If you research your history you will find that the greatest number of wars, conflicts, and upheavels have come out of a lack of tollerence of one kind or another. Tollerence is not a natural behavior. It is taught and it is learned and often it takes great personal strength and determination to aquire and practice. Just look at how many years we have attempted to understand, accept, and tollerate our differences of something as simple as race.
We are indeed every bit human and every bit falable ... but in time, with a good bit of work and luck, we will learn that the most important aspect of a human being is what is inside.
Note: I compliment the author for having take the time to research their subject before casting judgement or making decisions. That in itself in remarkably mature and insightfull. I only wish more people were so open to learning.
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WaterLily_AS40
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Jan 6 @ 11:27AM
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What an interesting read. I have to say, I too am happy to be a female. I have seen some of the "T-girls" photos, and someone definitely needs to give them some fashion advice. Like Jim said....to each hs/her own, but if a guy asked me out, then informed me that he used to be a female, I think I would head for the hills!!! Sorry, but just not my thing!!!!
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Sugar_Lee
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Jan 6 @ 11:29AM
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To each his own... 
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teddybearagain
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Jan 6 @ 11:30AM
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Note: I compliment the author for having take the time to research their subject before casting judgement or making decisions. That in itself in remarkably mature and insightfull. I only wish more people were so open to learning.
Agree totally
I think we have to accept people as they choose to be. We all have choices in this life, some people though I think don't truly know who they are, therefore searching for that identity crisis so to speak. I think this fits into that category.
God created us each individually, did he create some of with female and male parts for a reason? Is it because He didn't know himself? Food for thought.
Someone who chooses to change their gender, sexual identity is in search of thinking "the grass is greener on the other side"???
I think it has to be a feeling from within, a feeling that, "I just don't feel right in my own skin". Therefore exploring what else there may be.
It was interesting though Chat that you said a lot of people don't go through with it all the way. I'm curious about that.
Great blog, great research as always.
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Skydognc
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Jan 6 @ 11:39AM
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well done Chat!
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warmplace411
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Jan 6 @ 11:57AM
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Very good, well written blog on a timely subject. kudo's to you
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AutumnSilk
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Jan 6 @ 12:23PM
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I'm happy you decided to continue with your blog Chatillion, it was well written and thought provoking.
I can’t imagine what it must be like to go through life knowing you wanted to be something you weren’t. And I watched the youtube video and cried. The surgical pain is probably nothing compared to the emotional pain some live with.
As for the t-girl, this is a new one for me. I read “her” profile several times and didn’t make the connection. How many men see a blonde wig, legs and lace and think...  ”wow, one hot chick”. I felt sorry for the guys who made all the vulgar comments on her profile but maybe they should have looked a bit closer.
I’m not sure about adultmatchdoctor having a listing for transgender seeking men etc, I’ll have to…umm, research that site. But, not on Sunday…. 
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AutumnSilk
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Jan 6 @ 12:24PM
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Forgot something.....
~*~
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magnolia57
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Jan 6 @ 1:16PM
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this was a well written blog. One of my best friends is transgendered.The cost of surgry can be very expensive and for some , they can't afford it so they do what they can...takeing harmones is as much as some can do.They just want what we all want, a happy life.
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missliss78
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Jan 6 @ 1:40PM
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Good read....thanks, chat!
I think people deserve the right to be whatever they feel they need to be.
I do the best I can possilby do not to judge them.
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Juliecd
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Jan 6 @ 4:10PM
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I am transgendered or more accurately transsexual. It is very hard to describe ones feelings and the mental torment that one goes through.I knew from a very young age that there was something wrong,but I didn`t know what.As I grew older and found myself more comfortable playing with girls and dolls and not with boys.I knew at least that I should have been born a girl.
I spent a lot of years trying to suppress my feelings.I got drafted
into the army and went to Vietnam.I even got married and have 4 wonderful kids.Through my marriage I still had those feelings and it was tormenting me so much that I finally told my wife about it.
It started out bad with my wife not understanding,but eventually she tolerated my feelings but told me she did not want to see me as Julie. I never pushed it on her and then she finally wanted to meet Julie. I asked her if when she did could she handle it and not shun me.She said she was ready so I dressed and applied makeup and wig and showed her.
She was quite surprised at how I looked. Once in awhile we would go out together as girlfriends and went shopping and other things.
We were married for 40 wonderful years until she passed away
in Sept of 2006.
2 weeks before she passed,she told me to live my dreams and don`t let anyone stop you.
I am doing just that. I have been on hormones for 10 months now under a doctors care.
I came out to my kids and they accepted me under limitation.
They all told me they needed time before they wanted to see Julie,but promise me it would come.
I hope that puts a little insight as to what goes on
Julie Lynne
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ttomtarr
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Jan 6 @ 4:59PM
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As a merchant mariner, I have encountered transgender individuals in many of our ports of call, most notably New Orleans and Rio de Janeiro. Most were very friendly and easy going, though few seemed to have an easy path in life.
As our Bosun said, you pays your money, and takes your chances. That seemed to sum up both his attitudes, and theirs.
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enigmasrook
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Jan 7 @ 1:00AM
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Great blog. There is a movie called "Normal" with Jessica Lange and Tom Wilkinson...very similar...he had been married for 25 years with two children and on his 25th anniversary realized he couldn't live a lie and decided on sex reassignment surgery. Very poignant movies....I own it.
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sweetgypsysoul
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Jan 7 @ 2:03PM
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Kudos to your comments, insight and sensitive approach to the topic of transgendered people seeking relationships.
What's missing (so far) are comments to your last query .. whether or not 'entertainers' should be selling their wares on this site. My opinion, I have no issue with why they are here as long as the how they present themselves stays within legal guidelines. Consenting adults engaging in supposedly illegal sex isn't my any of my business. If there was not an active interest here, they would not be here.
As SugarPieHuny said: To each's own.
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chatillion
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Jan 7 @ 3:02PM
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sweetgypsysoul said:
...I have no issue with why they are here as long as the how they present themselves stays within legal guidelines.
There's MD and AMD. It's my understanding AMD is suited for those 'alternate' lifestyles. Like I said, as long as it doesn't present problems, MD moderators would probably ignore it until (enough) people complain.
Of the 2 or 3 profiles I've seen, it unquestionably appears like solicitation for sex. I've seen some women do similar things and they get 'bounced' out of here within a few days of joining. So that is what puzzles me.
If it's really men who dress up to look like women with intent to deceive other men are they allowed to be here?
Is it too naive to think men responding to those profiles don't already know the games they play?
It's a fact you cannot rent/buy x-rated videos from Blockbuster. Go to any independently owned store and ask.. they usually have a room (away from general traffic) just to cater to those clients. Could this be compared to the difference in MD and AMD?
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Juliecd
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Jan 7 @ 10:46PM
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AMD is not suited for me. All I am looking for above all is friendship.I am very honest about who I am I am not soliciting sex.I am soliciting friendship and acceptance and understanding.
If you look at my profile and my photos,if there is any pictures that are offensive to you that in any way sends a message that I am looking for sex,please let me know. I do have a lot of friends in MD and they totally understand me.They accept me and I am eternally grateful for there friendship.
A very good blog was started and I responded to it and know one cared how I feel.It is going in the direction of negativity.
Julie Lynne
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chatillion
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Jan 7 @ 11:20PM
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Julie... if you believe I implied you belong on AMD, you have misunderstood my comment. I'm truly sorry for this and I will I apologize to you now. I will clarify what I said so there is NO misunderstanding.
There are transsexual members (you included) on Matchdoctor who have clearly stated their situation. To my knowledge, nobody has a problem with that.
However... there are other profiles that have appearances of sexual solicitation. There is a possibility they are transvestites with intent to lure heterosexual men.
How these profiles (with revealing photos) are allowed to remain here is what puzzles me.
Are we clear on my explanation?
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Juliecd
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Jan 7 @ 11:35PM
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Yes we are clear.I do want to apologize. I realise that you are very serious. I do not like the persons you are talking about because they are the ones that make persons like us hard to make friends.That is why I treasure the friends I have made here on MD. You are the first that I have seen here on MD that took the time to research the subject before you blogged it. For that I admire you.
Julie Lynne
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ceecee1952
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Jan 8 @ 12:32AM
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Acceptance
in my experience i watch people transform from tolerance to acceptance as they get to know one another...
as i read this blog is it also not asking a question about peoples intentions on here and that is different and requires tolerance also.
not sure if i added anything but my 2 cents
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