I have so much hope for this new year. With "Cleaning the Slate for 2008," I intend to make some changes that will be hurtful, but beyond the time for them to be changed.
This past year I met a really nice guy, the timing was off for both of us. As great as he is, it's time to let it go. It's not going to happen with us and hanging around for 5 months has shown me that yes, he's a great guy. And he would be that and more with someone else. Goodbye 1.
From the last few years I have dated a great guy, same type of scenerio. It was timing, me expecting more with out giving more of myself. Him expecting more of me (being me without the wall), then he would think about giving me more. Catch 22 I suppose, if you can relate. I know now that maybe I am just not what he wants. And that's ok. I will think of him, I'm certain. I liked him a heck of a lot more than I let on. But, it is what it is. Goodbye 2.
Ohhh, boy.
A best friend for so long, a falling out, 3 years of no contact, a letter about forgiveness, and the rebuttal. I have thought of her often. I sent out a branch, it came back broken. Goodbye 3.
Someone as close as a sister. A grave mistake and misunderstanding involving a stupid boy. Branch offered 2, no return. Goodbye 4.
These 4 Goodbyes have consumed me, some for years, others not so long. But, saying goodbye to them, letting it go, releaves so much hurt, disappointment, worry, and stress that I have no choice to let it go.
This year will be for me, a year of getting some stuff straight.
Self, child, relationship with God and friends. I've been wandering around way too long thinking I knew what I was doing, that I could handle everything.
I've made mistakes, some pretty huge ones. I have hurt people that I love. I have put my heart into making the ammends...it's in God's hands now.
I tend to be a people pleaser, too much to the point of giving up my values just to please someone. I'm done with that. My number one person to make sure I am pleasing will be God. I've tried it my way, I was lost.
After all this, I remain hopeful that God does have a man for me. I have to stop being impatient, wait on his timing and get me together better, then who knows?? I still desire to be married and have a family that has a relationship with God. But, that day is not today, and I have to learn to be patient.
I plan on blogging more this year...
Thanks for reading this first one of 2008.
Wishing you love and luck!
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