Semi-Quarterly Drive-By Blog posted 1/13/2008 8:25:30 PM | 37 kudos what's this?     report abuse tagged: satire, blog, stupid

PullMyFinger

I've been watching a lot of football of late. It's playoff time for the NFL and being a fan of the NFL & college BCS football, my ass has been parked. I really don't have a favorite team; once the Rams left LA I just whored myself out to whatever player/coach/cheerleading squad I respected. My Alma Mater went to a bowl game this year and were shown the door in a fashion that really makes me want to say I went to another school. But we beat Ohio State.

I do have an affection for the Green Bay Packers. As a child, Bart Starr was the shit and every kid's hero. The Packers spanked that Pop Warner team from Seattle yesterday, but no one really takes that team seriously. Right now, I'm watching the NY Giants and Dallas Cowbabies go at it. Regardless, it's just football and a game. It certainly isn't anything to get excited about.

I can hear Sci giggling. Apparently a couple of people are saying nasty things about her (and me, and another person, and another person, and another person, ad naseum) in another blog and in a non non-counter counter-blog...like that's a fkn surprise. I made some comments on another blogger's blog today; he wrote a satirical blog about "Not reaching his email limit" or something like that. It was pretty fkn funny, considering the last blog I saw of his was about popping a zit. It's tough getting yucks out of popping zits, but he did it.

Anyway, I read the blog and the non non-counter counter-blog that mentions she and I (and everyone else on here), then looked over at Sci.

Honey?

Yeah?

A terrible thought just ran through my head.

Uh-oh....

Ya know that blog, the one the crazy person wrote?

Yeah?

I'm thinking she's got your picture taped all over the walls of a small, dank room, lit by a fly-encrusted light bulb hanging from the ceiling; each picture marred by red lipstick crosses stretched from one corner to the other.

Seriously?

Yeah, and she prances around in clothes like yours, the size 6 too small for her rather beefy frame, wearing a gray and brown wig, cradling a stuffed beanie baby squirrel in her arms, cooing at it.

That's really scary.

Yeah, no shit. And that little guy, he's sniffing her no-no place wearing cowboy boots 3 sizes too big with a big ole' Stetson another 3 sizes too big. Looking like that Little Enos Burdette played by Paul Williams in Smokey and the Bandit.

Ok, nightmares, thank you so very much.

I know, sorry...but hey, you've arrived. You're being stalked by a booger-eating psychopath and her tamborine-playing circus monkey.

Aren't I the lucky one?

It's hell being the object of such affection isn't it?

... sigh ....

She looks terrible in green by the way.

Hey, I'm off to FM's pad, we're having a round-table discussion on collusion and its benefits to the squirrel clique, toodles....

With that, I'm outta here kiddies. Apparently the heat is off us again; some fat guy in a tub is battling the forces of common sense on here. I'm relieved. Have you ever had that itchy butthole before, then you rip a really violent fart that erases that itch? Kinda the way I feel right now, relief.

Love ya bunches, kids....

Yer Pal,
PMF

I'd also like to make this perfectly clear; I am not, nor have I ever used performance enhancing blogging drugs...

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