The hate within... whether it’s a hate of the way we look, our faces, our bodies or the way we are, the uncontrollable traits of our personalities that reappear in ourselves no matter how we try to change.
Yet change is what we seek.
For the physical we dress to hide the parts that offend our eyes, the parts that we think others will notice. The most drastic consult plastic surgeons... but the hate still doesn’t leave, instead finding another part of us to alter, some even may end up horrible mutations of our former selves in the ever seeking perfection that never comes.
For me, my weight has been my life’s burden, thanks to the genetics of my mother’s line, continuing with me and the ever fighting battle against the demon pounds.
A hatred of this and the resentment of seeing my favorite dessert in the store or on the menu, knowing that partaking will not only beckon the waiting pounds, but also the guilt that follows for feeling weak and no longer in control of my weaknesses for such things.
Personality is harder still.
Who we are is a blue print, a bar code, yet through our lives we fight those traits of ourselves that we dislike the most.
I hate the way I repeat myself for instance and the way when I try to help someone I sound like I’m preaching.
How many of us have heard the thoughts in our heads…”Did I say that?”… or “I can’t believe I did that again!”
Even from school age we strive to be accepted, some join in with the bullies even when bullying is not in their nature, but find solace in being part of a group… feeling a sense of belonging.
We take this need to be accepted in to adulthood. Being social creatures we love to feel that we belong to a group… whether it is a circle of friends or a club or even a group of friends that we have never met in person on the internet.
And to be accepted and belong, we try hard to keep what we believe is not acceptable behavior at bay. Striving for perfection for the sake of acceptance often not ever really exposing the real ‘us’ for the fear of rejection... How many people have gone to type an opinion, then changed their minds because they fear it will be frowned upon?
Yet WHO says what is acceptable? There’s no How to live as a human hand book, or how to dress, what to like or WHO to like, we simply get swept along by society,
Fashion designers tell us what to wear...parents feeling guilty because they can’t afford the things that their child’s friends have.
Young girls with eating disorders because they don’t have the bodies that magazines portray as the way to be.
Our circles of friends whether on the internet or real life dictate unwittingly on how to behave to remain in their group, not wanting to appear to disagree, be lame, a geek, or even stupid.
Some people say they are free thinkers... thinkers yes.. But free speakers? Not many dare to speak out against what they dislike in their group, the one’s that do are sometimes alienated, even politicians are jailed for daring to do so.
We’ve all heard that cliché… ‘Be yourself’... But who truly follows this? Hardly anyone.
All of us for the sake of acceptance will continue to strive to be apart of something, to belong, and as we do this, we will continue to see things in ourselves that we wish we could change for the sake of society and the need to belong, even begin to hate those traits of ourselves that we feel others will not approve of.
And when we realize that changing is more than difficult, we merely remain like following sheep and learn to live with the hate within.
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read more blogs!
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IB4U
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Jan 14 @ 5:40PM
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The hate With In
But was it hate
Maybe was fate
That thought I had
Sure made me mad
Things I know not why
But to many I’d like to say bye
Many know the Love I feel
But what’s the deal
The temptings are there
And sure make me feel bare
The hate within can consume me
But I must Love me
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CHARLIgurl1
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Jan 14 @ 5:43PM
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what a great poem IB.. and so true... Thank you!
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travelwoman
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Jan 14 @ 5:51PM
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Be yourself’
...the ever changing yourself. The one that can be childish, grumpy, unpleasant, even mean.... yet changing.... then nice, kind, loving, patient.... changing.... accepting our blunders, BECAUSE we know that ALL do blunders....
Accepting change, the unpleasantness within, yet also striving to do better next time, or next year.... Strive WITH A SMILE.... Look at the child within... she tried: this time was a little better than last... success... SMILE...
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CHARLIgurl1
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Jan 14 @ 6:01PM
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Accepting change, the unpleasantness within, yet also striving to do better next time
A very wise comment.. but who are we striving to do better next time for?.. ourselves?.. or to be accepted.
Loved this comment.. thank you.
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allie416
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Jan 14 @ 6:18PM
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very well put..we all have flaws and we all try to cover them,sooo i will be me..and i will be happy about it..thanks for sharing 
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sciurusniger
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Jan 14 @ 7:04PM
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Excellent blog. It is exactly that "hate within" that must find expression by attachment to externals. Usually to others who display those things we "hate within". Doesn't matter if it is looks, intelligence, temperament, accomplishments; if we don't think we have it, or by a need to belong we go along with something unsuitable to our real Self, that "hate within" must be focused outwardly since no one likes to think they are somehow "less".
It's pathetic and sad. It is divisive. It's called living a fear-filled life.
For the truth is that "like attracts like" and though it may be lonely for a while as one breaks free to find their individual way, eventually others of more appropriate like-mind WILL be found.
But until they find the courage to be true to themselves and have a solid sense of self-worth, well, you're sadly spot on that they remain only hate-filled sheep.
Kudos.
~*~
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CHARLIgurl1
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Jan 14 @ 7:37PM
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Yes we do Allie.. and thank you....
[QUOTE]It's called living a fear-filled life.[QUOTE]
Is this why we try to hide our flaws? through fear?.. excellent thought!
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whatagal
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Jan 14 @ 9:13PM
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Aren't you glad to have friends to share that dessert with...AND the unwanted pounds? 
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