Doesn’t all experience crumble in the end to mere literary material?
- Glasgow, Ellen
I read a lot of books: novels, mysteries, biographies, and, yes, even some of those self-help type books. The books that I read growing up were about half authored by men and about half by women, as are those I read nowadays. There were heroes and heroines and many countless supporting male and female characters. But somewhere along in my teens, I realized that I could almost never tell if the author was male or female by the narrative, dialogue or characterizations. If I didn’t know the author’s gender, and assumed one way or the other, I was often surprised to learn I had supposed wrongly. How could a man write thoughts so like my own? How could a man understand what I was thinking, saying, imagining?
It’s quite the vogue these days to look for the differences between men and women:
From Wikipedia:
Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus (published in May 1992) is a book by John Gray offering many suggestions for improving husband-wife relationships by understanding the communication style and emotional needs of the opposite gender.
The book, as suggested by the title, asserts the notion that men and women are as different as beings from other planets.
Some researchers agree with Gray's ideas about male-female communications differences. Deborah Tannen's studies of male/female communication find that "for women, talk creates intimacy... But men live in a hierarchical world, where talk maintains independence and status." [1]. However, other studies do not find such differences. Erina MacGeorge found only a 2 percent difference between communication styles and argues that "when it comes to comforting, the Mars-Venus concept is not only wrong, but harmful. For the most part, men and women use, and strongly prefer, the same ways of comforting others – listening, sympathizing and giving thoughtful advice."[2]
Out of curiosity, I read this bit of crap (oops – sorry, I let that slip) and actually tried seriously to consider many of his hypotheses. I couldn’t relate to it. His widely touted theories about how women think and feel just didn’t apply to me. Does that make me an aberration? Following his hypotheses: if I think more like a man, shouldn’t I then have better relationships with men? What does it mean to think like a man/woman? 
But back to my “author’s gender” theme: If men and women think and act and process information so differently, why is it that one can almost never tell the gender of a book’s author? One can read pages and pages of the thoughts of male characters written by women and female characters written by men as well as paragraph after paragraph of dialogue between the characters of both sexes. Every human emotion, desire and motivation is described and I’d be amazed if most people could tell who wrote what. I know that some will say: “Yeah, but those authors do research and model their characters after real people. They are just good at faking it.” Perhaps... but I can’t see this argument accounting for all the books throughout history, and if men and women are – and have been – this good at faking the thought processes of the other, why have we suddenly decided we just cannot communicate?
It used to be that we blamed culture and society for all our troubles; then it was family and upbringing; now it’s our genetic differences. Yes, we do have scientific evidence to pinpoint tiny chromosomal variations – but we have no real understanding of how these operate or affect us - just as we don't really understand how our brains work! Science and medicine are offering up some possible catch-all answers in our genetic makeup and brain function and folks are grabbing onto it as if it were the lost gospel. It might be prudent to remember that humans have quite a history of failure when it comes to finding “scientific” evidence for widely held, culturally ingrained beliefs. Humans buy into quick-fix answers and fashionable premises all the time. We find excuses and apply ridiculous dogma to our daily lives instead of relying upon logic, compassion, communication, empathy and independent thought. And now we can blame biology: “I can’t help it; it’s not my fault; my brain is made that way.”
Many of us contend we are here seeking a mate. We post all manner of things in the effort to be noticed by members of the opposite sex; jokes, tales of woe or good times gone by and all manner of copy and paste tidbits. If the recurring theme of someone’s postings is decidedly antagonistic toward the opposite sex, is that the person you would choose? I’m not referring just to outright bashing – but to the subtler forms of hostility, such as posting only jokes that make fun of blondes or articles that go on and on about men are this and women are that. It would seem these folks have made up their minds that one gender cannot possibly understand the other. What is the point in trying to convince them otherwise?
I’m not denying there are genetic differences. I’m not saying women are just like men. I just wnder why – especially on a dating site – the focus seems more upon our differences than our similarities.
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| I, for one, am not from Venus... |
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misschoos
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Jan 15 @ 2:55PM
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kudos. I bought that book but only read a few pages. I didnt enjoy the writing style.
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CPUfan
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Jan 15 @ 2:57PM
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General sociologies never fit real people, they can only ever be guidelines.
Besides, which planet is the author from? From what I heard of astronomy at school, Venus is too close to the sun, has a temp of several thousand degrees on one side, and an atmosphere composed of almost pure sulphuric acid.
Not even my ex would qualify, bless her... she was warm, friendly and caring at her best... that was before my head injuries heheh.
Mars on the other hand is too cold to sustain the manhood of any species, including polar bears and whales...
So who the hell wants to come from Venus or Mars? Best argument for emigration I ever heard of, anyone would be a refugee from ice cubes and sulphuric acid... 
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TheClockmaker
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Jan 15 @ 3:04PM
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CPU it's not so hot up there on Venus because of it's proximity to the sun...man, it's because of all those HOT women up there  
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Sugar_Lee
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Jan 15 @ 3:05PM
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ChipP
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Jan 15 @ 3:11PM
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It's a conspiracy to enslave men I tell ya....  I am from Earth, I never been to Mars... 
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enigmasrook
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Jan 15 @ 3:14PM
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Excellent.
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SallyF
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Jan 15 @ 3:33PM
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Why, indeed? Good blog, P~
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loreal
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Jan 15 @ 3:33PM
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Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm?
Well, I'm definitely from Venus...But I have to travel to Mars often...who else is going to shovel the snow and such! 
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EmmeS61
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Jan 15 @ 3:47PM
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I believe it is that we are inherently similiar, man and woman. We just deal with and process things differently. (emotions, anger, frustration, etc.) Perhaps if we could let each other process things before we discuss (argue about) them, we would get along better.
But what do I know? I am here aren't I? JMHO
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HighlandsLass
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Jan 15 @ 3:48PM
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Remember when sex was sex, and gender was either male or female? Now we have a greater understanding and recognize there are masculine women and feminine men, and varying degrees to which these distinctions can be further described. As a feminine woman I'm pretty much lost in space, no matter what planet I'm from, or currently inhabit. I find understanding how this works for me helps me navigate all my worlds more easily--- at least I recognize where I'm coming from. I'm not surprised you've done the same kind of research, and I applaud you for it! 
Good blog! 
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lacyvsq
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Jan 15 @ 5:20PM
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I think I must be from the same planet as you, because I tried to get into that crap as well and pretty much decided it stunk.
In my experience, we are much more alike than different and it is in the discovery and the appreciation of the similarities and the differences that we can show love both for ourselves and for others.
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sciurusniger
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Jan 15 @ 5:32PM
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Good thoughts. Seems most people need to hang their inability to accept, understand, and appreciate others anywhere but on themselves.
Like you said, makes even less sense to be so blatantly prejudiced towards the opposite gender on a dating site.
~*~
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Danishandy
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Jan 15 @ 5:33PM
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thank god......you did not go there with the......are you from Uranus......  
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IB4U
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Jan 15 @ 5:38PM
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redtigr
John Gray has a new book out John Gray's, Why Mars & Venus Collide, where he talks about :
Mars and Venus orbit around the sun on their own paths in harmony, just as men and women must do to create lasting love.
Hummmmm I may be from the Klingon Home World
Just sayin
IB4U
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luvshorses644
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Jan 15 @ 9:00PM
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Good thought provoking blog... I cannot speak from any sort of experience with the book or the author as the title completely turned me away from even the slightest want to read it.
As long as some want to come away as a shining star, there will always be someone, something, some (fill in the blank) to blame for bad habits, bad tempers, you name it, the responsibility never falls on some's shoulders and three cheers for those that own up to what they either fail to do or do haphazardly or badly.
Thanks for the brain in gear blog...
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oceanlover734
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Jan 16 @ 8:37PM
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Really good blog and I love this the focus seems more upon our differences than our similarities. I just wish we'd all realize for the most part we all want the same thing though we may go about it in different ways. No bashing men here  as I love men!
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beckyiv42000
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Jan 16 @ 10:22PM
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To find a mate one must focus on the similarities ... not try to find how many ways we are different..because in the end we are one part of a whole ..the ying/yang , the nut/bolt or whatever analogy you choose.. the other half of a whole that works in tandem and concert with the other to make a being that is one and strong and works towards the same goals in life... living and loving and being there for each other not being apart and pulling in opposite directions all the time making the bond weak...
great blog made me realize that yeah being able to understand a mans point of view is not an oddity it is a blessing
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unionman154
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Jan 16 @ 11:11PM
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I feel men and women are very similar. I don't know how I missed this blog, but glad I finally got to read it.
I am such a big fan of your's. Not only your writing, but your talent in painting as well as you the person. My life has been enriched from having met you. I feel you are a kindred spirit. You ROCK  p.s. I admire you sooooooo much and I am proud to call you a friend. paul 
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unionman154
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Jan 16 @ 11:39PM
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My comment should have read. I feel we are kindred spirits. Sorry falling asleep here. zzzzzzzzzz 
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jentoblues101
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Jan 17 @ 7:51AM
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Nice blog, Patrice.
I jokingly say that I have a bit more testosterone running through my body than other women, but I think you're right: we're just not as different as society would have us believe.
It's blogs like yours that keep me coming back.
~Jennifer~
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Angel603
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Jan 20 @ 12:24PM
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Another fantastically written, insightful blog.... kudos.
Surely men and women have both a masculine and a feminine side. Some of us are more in touch with one than the other.... perhaps if we were to tap into both sides equally we might understand eachother a whole lot better.
I think more like a man than a woman and I find men are very mistrusting of this at times. I think it inhibits my chances of meeting someone and having a trusting, fulfilling relationship. They look at me askance as if I can't be for real because I don't love shopping and clothes and I do see their point of view. I'm happy for them to have their own interests and not be with me 24/7. Surely every man should be looking for a woman like me..... they say they are, but to be honest, they don't believe we truly exist. I can neither compete with that theory or disprove it.
I always enjoy your blogs. Keep them coming. 
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sloriver
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Feb 1 @ 4:32PM
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I've seen so much evidence that were it not for women we men would still be throwing our bones in the corner of the cave. Men look for exellence in the knapping of the flint spearpoint, the straightness and strenth of the arrow. Women look for the comfort and security of baskets full of grain and dried berries. Why are women so neat and men such slobs? Because we don't care if the cave is swept as long as there's a hunt tomorrow.
Men and women are way different. If you don't recognize that fact you'll be doomed to disappointment in your heterosexual relationship. But there is soooo much common ground. We're opposites that are designed to fit together. My yin is her yang. you nurse the child and I'll step in front of the lion with nothing but my spear to protect you. Someone once said, "Women are from Earth, men are from Earth. Deal with it!"
Kudo for ya
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atropos319
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Feb 28 @ 10:03AM
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Yep, we're alike all right.
Excellent.
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mystery2u888
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16 hrs 11 mins ago
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Kudos to you my sweet little red...........excellent read once again........I maybe behind but.....as promised......I am coming back.....again and what a joy it is.....to read up on them again........
xoxo
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