You know that pain you get in your ribcage
when you're (emotionally) hurt? It kind of feels
like something in your chest is going to explode.
Unless maybe you could find a way to scream
loud enough or cry long enough and somehow
just push the pain out of you, as though it could be
liquefied or turned to breath and just expelled.
And you're sure if you really could do that, you
would flood the world or cause some disruption in
the weather pattern because the force and depth
of that pain is just SO BIG. And if the world could
not survive it's unleashing, then surely you will
never survive its captivity in (what must be) your
heart.
We call it heartbreak. Aptly named, really. We
feel it near our heart and it does hurt so something
must surely be getting irreparably damaged. We
are warned about it from the beginning and watch
our friends and family suffer from it even before we
ourselves are its victim. We are taught that it is a
bad thing. To be avoided at all costs.
Maybe we were taught wrong.
What if I told you that the pain in your chest isn't
your heart breaking, it's just your heart stretching?
When you think about it, those situations and
experiences that cause us "heartbreak" are always
the ones that require us to grow in some way.
Maybe we are learning to love bigger and broader.
Maybe our heart is widening its boundaries to
accept a new and different life. Growing pains for
grown-ups.
And if you're skeptical, think of this - don't you get
the same kind of pain in your chest when you
witness something really beautiful? Like a child
being born or watching that last guy cross the finish
line at the Ironman?
The problem is, we've been taught to call it
heartbreak and there's a negative connotation to
the word "break". As a result, in seeking to avoid
the deep feeling that may bring us pain we also
cheat ourselves of all the joy that it will also bring
us. That's why the people who cry at sad movies
are usually the ones who cry at happy ones. And
some people just don't cry at anything.
Our feelings can't be selectively filtered, except
by depth. If we keep our deepest feelings buried,
then that includes the joyful ones as well as the
painful ones.
If we stop thinking of the pain as something bad
and think of it as a part of our growth process,
maybe we wouldn't be so afraid of it. Maybe we
wouldn't be so afraid of getting attached to people.
Maybe we would stop alternately hiding ourselves
away from the world and searching desperately
for 'the one' who won't ever cause us such pain.
Maybe we'd get better at following our wildest
dreams because we wouldn't be so worried about
rejection. Maybe we'd tell more people we love
them without fearing that it would be seen as a
romantic overture. And maybe we would become
comfortable enough to hear that someone loves
us without running away. Maybe we would learn to
say "no" more when we normally say "yes" and
"yes" when we usually say "no". Maybe if we let our
hearts out to stretch once in awhile, we would all
learn how to love better - ourselves and others.
I think it's really another matter of perspective. If
what you see is what you get, why not look for the
pleasure in your pain?
Sometimes life hurts. But nothing is going to break.
So, go on, stretch a little.
© Karon Shaw
mailtokaronshaw@i...
Love,
Theresa
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