Dear Angel, posted 1/27/2008 8:44:02 PM | 9 kudos what's this?     report abuse tagged: angel, love, family

teddybearagain

Chad, my darling little angel that I held in my arms a short time ago. Although to you the time may have gone so slow, for me it's went so fast. I know you are eager to grow up and explore the rest of the world, of life, but listen to mommy and take your time.

I want you to appreciate each day you are given. When you were younger you would say to me "I wish it was the weekend so I didn't have to go to school." I always told you, "Don't ever wish your life away. You never know what things will happen between now and the weekend baby". Much to my surprise you caught on to what I was saying.

In fact, you always caught on so fast, about life. In fact, it is you Chad that has taught me so much about life, and you didn't even know it. Through you I learned to see the world again. I would see a dandellion in the yard, watch you blow the seeds away from it. I would watch you catching fireflys in the summer and listen to you laugh. I remember last summer when you caught a whole jar full, and let them go in the house, in your room. Remember how hard I laughed when I walked in your room to see those things lighting up? You didn't even need a nightlight that night. I saw the world again through your laughter and your enjoyment.

When your brother and sister were small, I was growing up with them. I would have yelled at them had they done such a thing. For you, I am so glad that you get to see me for who I am, and I have you to thank for that. My sweet angel, Chad, that I have been so blessed to have as my son.

I will never forget your face and your squeels the first time I took you to the ocean. You ran like a horse running wild towards the ocean, the seagulls flying over your head. It will always remain a vivid picture in my heart. That same vacation Uncle Greg and Uncle Eddie dared you to streak on the beach, do you remember? They said they would pay you 20 bucks if you did. How foolish were they? Didn't they know you would do it, and take mom out for ice cream that night? .. I'm proud of you baby,..that was the best ice cream cone I ever had.

The most rewarding thing I have ever done in my life is being your mommy. No monies in the world could ever pay me the rewards and benefits that you have. Sure, we had fights, in fact wars at times! All part of life and of learning. I admire you for being so brave through all you've had to go through.

Your daddy and I love you Chad. Though we are not together as a married couple, we both love you fully. Don't use the hate word any more, when you talk about daddy. You don't really hate him, only some things he does. He does the best he can Chad. Learn from it. Some day when you're a daddy you'll understand more.

I laughed the other day when you asked me what you should be when you grow up. I told you, "whatever makes you happy." You asked if it was ok if you were a garbage man. I told you, as long as you're the best damn garbage man in the neighborhood, go for it! Oh my, the look you gave me was like "are you kidding mom"?! What I'm saying is whatever you choose to do or to be, to also choose to be the best at it.

As you go through these letters someday you'll probably laugh, cry, maybe even slam the book closed sometimes. That's ok. Emotions are good, and letting those emotions out can be a cleansing for your soul. Get angry, get upset with me, cry, and yes baby, men do cry.

My intent in these letters is for you to know how special you are to me. To know how much I love you. I want to teach you everything I think you will need to know to walk in this life. Remember, one day at a time, and take baby steps if you have to. Someday you'll look back and see those babysteps led you in the right direction. And, if and when, because you will, choose the wrong steps to take; well, learn from it. Grow from it, and keep moving ahead.

You ask me if I would like a drink when you get up to get you one, you put your bookbag over my head on a rainy day when we run to the car, you help me on with my coat, and so much more. These things angel are things a lady appreciates. Don't ever change that part of you. You were born a "guy", so don't ever loose what mommy has been teaching you. Secret time; .. she, whoever she will be someday will love you for it, trust me.

Chad, when you read the chapter about cooking, I know you'll laugh. There are some funny things in there. When you read the chapter on sports, remember that being a good sport is key to how you play the game. When you read the chapter about different things, you'll get the hint more of what I'm saying. LIttle my little, piece by piece.

You are a smart young man. When you were born, you know God almost took you. There's a reason he kept you here. Not just for me Chad. He has plans for you baby, Listen to him carefully, quietly. Remember to always give thanks and to walk with the Lord. At times it will be hard, heck yeah! But, don't ever give up, and don't ever loose your faith. Never forget our special prayers we said together every night and morning. Some day I hope you share those with your own babies.

Mommy loves you more then you love chocolate milk and pizza. That's a lot!
Be nice to everybody angel, especially if they're mean to you. It will make them think twice next time they go to be mean to somebody. You'll get back so much more then you give, so give a lot. I want you to be blessed richly in return.

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