Love does not destroy . . . love heals posted 2/8/2008 6:38:39 PM | 6 kudos what's this?     report abuse

Elbereth529

Back in May of 2005, I was unknowingly involved in an online romance scam. Instead of withdrawing from life by going into hiding, I decided to fight back by educating the public about this crime. Not only was I on the local evening news and "The Today Show" but I helped in the writing of a book called "Cyber Love's Illusions." I wrote several pieces that were placed in the book and one of the pieces was about "real love." Here is how it goes:

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This morning as the sun was slowly making its way over the tree tops, I sat in deep meditation for a half hour... clearing my mind of all the clutter that can gather there and centering my focus on my heart. Whenever I have some serious questions that need answering, I search for the answer within cause that's where the TRUTH resides... inside of me.

During this particular meditation, I also took a trip down memory lane going over poignant events in my life that helped to shape the woman I am today. Like many members here in the group I grew up in an abusive home in where I was physically, emotionally & mentally abused. At a very tender age, my young mind began to associate "love" with being abused. What else did I know? Due to this unhealthy belief I ended up in 3 abusive adult relationships before I sought help to find out why I was attracted to the "bad guys" who ended up hurting me in many ways. I was 31 years old before the light went on and things began to make sense.

Then the real hard work began for me.... the inner transformation of learning how to love myself. You see, as a little girl there was a part of me that believed that those who loved me hurt me because I was bad... was not worth loving. Why else would they cause me pain? With the help of a most excellent counselor who gave me so much homework I wanted to puke I set about peeling away the layers of false beliefs I had developed all those years. In fact, I began to discover the true definition of "LOVE!"

This is where I get to the point of this email. In learning to love myself, I also learned to set up healthy boundaries so that I did not give others permission to hurt me. I learned through the experience of being scammed that what his words said was totally different than what his actions portrayed. My scammer told me that he loved me... that I was his Angel... that I was his whole life. All very beautiful words that any lonely human being longs to hear.

But then his actions did not line up with his words. Why did he get angry with me when I asked him questions? Why did he get frustrated with me when I refused to open a bank account for him? Why when I found myself in deep trouble with my bank and faced owing restitution of $2886.00 that I didn't have.. why did he abandon me? Would real love destroy a person? No. No... real love heals... it does not destroy. I had allowed my scammer to step over a healthy boundary that I had created for myself and in the end, I learned another valuable lesson.

In a real potential love relationship, it's ok to ask questions without fear of the other person getting angry or frustrated. In a real potential love relationship it's ok to say NO when I am not feeling comfortable with a request that another person makes of me without fear of losing that person's interest. In a real potential love relationship, another person would not ask of me to do an act that would jeopardize or harm me in any way. In a real potential love relationship that has been ongoing for several months, another person would not abandon me in my darkest hour leaving me in total financial and emotional ruin. And so I had to ask myself . . . why would I give permission to another person to treat me so badly when I deserve only the best? When I deserve to be treated with kindness, compassion, trust, respect and love... the very same way that I would treat others? Do I not deserve the best? YES! Of course I do!!!!

And so do all of you. Each and everyone of you are precious, beautiful, compassionate, giving, loving human beings who deserve only the best that life has to offer. And you are in total control of your life at all times. Always . . . all ways. Do no give permission to others to hurt you in any way. You don't deserve that. And that is not real "LOVE!" Please remember that love does not destroy another... love heals. Blessings.

Love,
Theresa

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Love is patient, Love is kind,
It does not envy, it does not boast,
It is not proud, It is not rude,
It is not self-seeking,
It is not easily angered,
It keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil,
but rejoices with the truth.

Love always protects, always trusts,
always hopes, always perseveres.

Love bears all things, believes all things,
hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never ends.

L o v e N e v e r F a i l s.

~ Corinthians 13 : 4 - 8

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