get out of my mind you thoughts. posted 2/12/2008 10:16:39 PM | 0 kudos what's this?     report abuse tagged: life

chatty

I wasn't going to blog until I had fun things to blog about but I need to get the thoughts out of my mind so I can rest tonight.
I have had so many blessings in my life and people that have been there for me. I am lucky. I can look at this day as a glass half full or half empty day sometimes it is full some days it is just plain empty.
My ex continues to try and make my life an unhappy one. He is living it up and enjoying his new life. I am happy for him. if you love someone you always want them to be happy. However, I also feel so much anger at him for being a dead beat dad. He thinks having me take them to his mothers ( how can he be so cruel as to ask me spend gas and drive by the site of my accident every other weekend to drop them off at his moms so he can work overtime and not once pay child support for his children) and his picking them up and spending time with them at his lovers is being a good dad. His daughters both say when they turn eighteen they will never visit him again and that they will leave Oklahoma. I told them a lot can happen in eight years to change their minds and they both said that they will not change their minds. They say they will never forgive him in their hearts. I told them God would want them to forgive him, they both said no. I can't do that mom, ever time I see him I get mad again. They said they will always love him because he is their dad but they will never be happy like they used to be. I told them that they have to find it in their hearts to forgive him and to go on and be happy. They both said mom... he acts like we are one big happy family when we visit and we are not one big happy family. We have fun but we want to go home and be with you and we miss you and we can't be happy in our hearts. We act happy so dad will be happy but in our hearts we are sad. When they go places they say they think how much fun momma would have if she was there and they get sad. I always try to be sure their relationship with their dad is a good one. It breaks my heart that they are from a divorced home now. I never wanted that for my children. He is the one that is making it bad because his girls are old enough to know that mom doesn't have money to do things. We have fun doing no money things but the more he spends and shows off the more spoiled they get.
They act like he is mr money bags, saying things like I will ask dad to buy it for me if I tell them no about an expensive item. He is going to be the kind of parent that spoils them, tries to buy their love and to convince them to live with him . When they get grown the only time he will see them is if they need something. Oh well, I am broke all the time thanks to his lack of paying support. I know they love me for me and want to be with me because they love me and not because I give them material things. He is the good time weekend parent that doesn't even pay support for his children. I am glad he has all the things money can buy that he wanted in life. I don't need lots of things though, all I ever wanted and needed was my family. All my life my dreams for my life was to be a wife and mother and to have a guy who loves me to pieces, a decent place to live, a decent car, and a loving family that loves each other second only to God. I am a mother, I am no longer a wife, and I guess when God is ready he will send a new guy to love me to pieces, God will always provide my girls and I with a decent place to live even if it is a different one than the one we are living in now.
I tip my hat to him. He has his idea of the perfect life and his perfect woman. I am happy for him.
I was raised to be happy and rejoice when others are having it good and are on top of the worlds ladder, when your at the bottom , because you will be seeing them again as they head back down .
One thing he will never be able to recreate is the my daddy is king of the world, second only to God , respect and 100% love of his children. It sucks, he was perfect in their eyes and He lost that when he decided to change Queens and his castle. Oh well, I guess to get what they want in life many often choose to do so at the pain of others.
Sweet dreams everyone.

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Blogs by chatty: it has been a while Opps I did it again, right this this time I hope keep your fingers crossed Hello again Long time no blog. where is the top of this hill for today I choose to be happy. well, here's my vent for the night. get out of my mind you thoughts. this is no advertisment. Thank God I'm alive. I could be dead now. Wishes for a better 2008 update and venting II update and venting It's saturday and I am home alone. ekkkkk I'm feeling bumbed , lonely and silly so beware. in the quiet of the night I can't help but think and wonder Sad and Glad pondering something time goes on beds get made time to blog it was bitter sweet saturday. Once a jerk always a jerk revelations Go figure