I have been thinking about what is missing from my life, and I came to the conclusion that the intimacy of a close relationship, whether it be a romantic relationship or a friendship, is somewhat lacking in my life. I believe in mutliple soulmates. I think we come across many people in our lives, and out of that multitude there are a number of people with whom we can form a real, intimate relationship as soulmates. One of my soulmates is someone I'm friends with who I've known for eleven years. What is missing from my life is someone like him, only closer in proximity to where I live (we live in different states).
The connection that I have with this soulmate is what I would call a quiet understanding. I can tell him anything, and he accepts me for who I am, accepts what I say as my words which I have a right to speak, and does not judge me. He does not berate me when we disagree, and he does not question me and ask me to explain what I mean or what I think or why I think what I think or where I got my ideas. With people you don't know well, these things can happen. When you have true intimacy with someone, then you do not have to offer up explanations about all of your thoughts and feelings.
When I think something is funny, I can tell this friend, and he will laugh because he will usually think it's funny too. We have similar personalities, and we understand each other well, so we understand why the other person finds amusement in certain things. With people I don't know well, sometimes I feel the need to explain what is amusing to me about the thing I think is funny, or I feel badly because my sense of humor is dark, cynical, and somewhat sarcastic. My friend who I consider a soulmate is equally cynical in what he finds amusing, so I never have to explain myself to him. What is missing from my life is a person who lives near me who has a similar sense of humor.
When you share the quiet understanding of true intimacy with someone, you share an understanding of what the other person thinks, what they find amusing, what bothers or frustrates them, and what makes them happy. You can "be there" as a friend, or a romantic partner, for the other person on a much deeper, more meaningful level when you have this quiet understanding.
I think that the search for intimacy leads many people into the wrong beds with the wrong partners, the wrong aisle of the wrong church for the wrong wedding that never should have happened, the pregnancy that was not wanted, the divorce. At the same time, true intimacy leads to the ultimate joy and fulfillment, and the sharing of one's true self, which allows one to live life to the fullest by being completely one's true self, and experiencing completely the here and the now. So the heartache that might be earned along the way is well worthwhile in the journey for a truly intimate relationship. In the long-run, all the toads you have to kiss before you find the Prince are lessons you can learn from. In the long-run, if you can be yourself as much as possible, and stay authentic and true to who you really are, I believe you will be able to find a happiness that people without this ability simply never find.
Ideally, we will all meet our soulmates and find the true intimacy that I've described here. Ideally, we will find them soon, but, if this does not happen, I think that is no reason to give up. I know that I will keep looking for the fulfillment that comes with that quiet understanding until I find it.
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| A Quiet Understanding Between Two People: The Importance of Intimacy |
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