well, here's my vent for the night. posted 3/9/2008 1:15:04 AM | 1 kudo what's this?     report abuse tagged: life, vent

chatty

I am not happy. I should be happy but I am not. I have two beautiful girls that love me so much and want to spend time with me and say I am the best mother in the world. I have lost a bunch of weight, and am able to do things that I used to say I wanted to do. I have guys hitting on me now even though I don't give them a second glance. Until the divorce is final I consider myself a married woman and not able to date. It is hard for me sometimes though. I am a woman and it is hard to be alone every night and yet married still. I hate how he is doing things. He is fighting the custody order and the spousal support. If he had kept quiet he and I would have been divorced last month.
His daughters are mad at him. They are the ones that set up the visitaiton and said that they don't want to live with him ever, They do not want it changed one bit. He just does not see what he has done. I try so hard to keep everything from them but when he asks them if they want to live with him they are smart enough and old enough to know why he asked.
Melissa said if she had to live with him for even one week she would die. They tolerate his woman and say that the time with me goes by to fast and the time with him so slow. He has them every other weekend.
This past weekend he took them swimming. My youngest told me that
He almost let her drown. He and his woman were to busy playing with one another to see she was in water over her head. My oldest was trying to get to her to help her even though she can't swim either when they realized what was going on. She told me she had been to the bottom and pushed her feet hard to come up twice already and was going down the third time when he got her.
He has made so many mistakes since he left and both girls say they hate going with him.
He is losing them and does not even know it.
My telling them how much he loves them and my trying to help them to forgive him has only served to help them to go with him, even though they cry and do not want to go. Sarah says every time she goes that, " I will be glad when I am old enough and I don't have to go anymore." Melissa says, " I love him, but I hate him to momma." He is my daddy. I love the daddy that lived with us, but this daddy I don't love, he is not the same daddy. I try to explain that he is the same daddy, he loves them just as much as he used to. They both say that they don't care, he promised to stay and love us forever and he lied and left us and they hate him for it. They say that he stopped loving their momma and now he loves somer and he will stop loving them to. I now know why so many children go bad after divorce. I just pray he will stop what he is doing pay the support all of it so I can get back on my feet and that he will not fight custody and that he will just let the divorce be a not fighting one so my girls can see he doesn't hate me and so that I can help them to forgive him. I fear that if he continues to fight everything that they will never forgive him, and that he will lose them forever. He needs to remember he has smart, sweet children that love their momma with all their tiny hearts and that from birth I was there 24-7 and that we are very close in our hearts. We are friends and I am mom. A girl needs her mom. . They are momma's girls and have always been. A girls needs her dad to. Melissa has so many resentment issues that we are going to have a hard time getting her to forgive him anyway. The thing I hate the most is instead of working with me and realizing that he has to be around me and deal with me to be a good father to his children he treats me like I am beneath him. I hate talking to him because of his attitude. All I want is to have a decent life be with my girls everyday, be happy and have the money to pay my bills, work and move on. Instead he is making this hard as heck and it is stupid. He knew when he left he would have to pay support and the support he will pay out of each paycheck after 18 months would be less per child than what he paid for his first child when we were together. Is having money to spend now worth losing his girls and them saying one day, " you treated my mom like poop made it hard on her and didn't want to pay support for us and we want nothing to do with you." We all have regrets in our life but we can't go back and change them, I wish we could. I fear he will look back one day and even though I am sure he will never regret leaving me, he will regret the way he did things and the effect it had on his relationship with his children.

Copy & paste to friend: (Click inside box; Ctrl + C to copy; Ctrl + V to paste)

Blogs by chatty: it has been a while Opps I did it again, right this this time I hope keep your fingers crossed Hello again Long time no blog. where is the top of this hill for today I choose to be happy. well, here's my vent for the night. get out of my mind you thoughts. this is no advertisment. Thank God I'm alive. I could be dead now. Wishes for a better 2008 update and venting II update and venting It's saturday and I am home alone. ekkkkk I'm feeling bumbed , lonely and silly so beware. in the quiet of the night I can't help but think and wonder Sad and Glad pondering something time goes on beds get made time to blog it was bitter sweet saturday. Once a jerk always a jerk revelations Go figure