Jeans will stretch an inch or two.
Or three or four before I’m through.
A double chin, love handle grip
Ass wide as a cargo ship.
It’s not my fault, It’s not my bad
Water retention is what I had.
It was not chips or ice cream cones
I’m victim of my larger bones.
Not Schlotzsky’s, Shoney’s, Swiss Chalet,
Nor Cheetos dipped in mayonnaise.
Not buttered popcorn, curly fries,
Triple Wendy’s Biggie Size.
Zagnut, Twizzlers, Reese’s Cups,
Fritos, Funyuns, Planter’s Nuts.
Taters, gravy, Chili fries,
Almond Joy, oh me , oh my
Slurpees, Ruffles, JuJu Bees,
Dunkin Donuts, Krispy Kreme
Chips Deluxe, Banana Splits
Rolled Gold Pretzels, Bacon-Ets
Little Debbie, Dippin’ Dots
Fannie May, in heart shaped box.
Cracker Jack and Cheesy fry
Klondike Bar, TCBY
Tater skins, and nana split
Doritos, Twinkies, holy shit,
E.L. Fudge and Chips Ahoy
Moon Pies, Slim Jims, boy oh boy!
Snackwell, Pringles, Oreo
Frozen Pie by Eskimo
Baskin Robbins, Dreyers, Shrimpie’s
Haagen Dazs, Arby’s, and Blimpie’s
DQ, Domino’s, FAzoli
Stop in the name of all that’s holy
Before I go to diet hell,
One more burrito, Taco Bell.
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read more blogs!
Blogs by sloriver:
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| I'll Diet Tomorrow, a tasteful rhyme |
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EternalFlame
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Mar 11 @ 12:50PM
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CHARLIgurl1
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Mar 11 @ 12:58PM
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I hate Taco bell.. the biggest culprits of chemical enhanced crap thats ever left a take out
Great blog.. 
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blueyed_cdn_girl
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Mar 11 @ 1:21PM
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Hahaha,, thanks for the chuckles!
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cartay25
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Mar 11 @ 1:41PM
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 But....but....... I thought Pringles were calorie free. 
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debbz32
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Mar 11 @ 1:43PM
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unionman154
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Mar 11 @ 1:57PM
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Thanks for the laugh kudos
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GenuineHarleyGirl
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Mar 11 @ 2:01PM
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Very funny!!! Thanks for the midafternoon chuckle 
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HighlandsLass
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Mar 11 @ 2:28PM
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 okay, I'm fighting back! 
Crisp veggies, fresh fruit, and pure water for me,
Black coffee, fruit spritzers, and hot or iced tea
With lemon but hold off the sweetener for sure
You see, like my mind, so my body craves pure
There’s lettuce and spinach and broccoli to eat
And collards with pintos, a real special treat
Even when temptinger food thoughts invade?
Tomatoes and eggplant will serve as nightshade
Avoiding white taters and rice that's too light
And flour that missed being whole's just not right!
Whole grains are my savior and mean complex carbs
That satisfy cravings when stress makes life hard
But food’s not the only thing making it fine
There’s exercise: good for both body and mind
A walk in the park at lunch just ‘fore noon
A brisk a.m. jog had while humming a tune
Then care for the horses when work day is done
Hay them and grain them, get good muscle tone
Then walk them around on their leads to keep fit
In spirit and image and then see to it
That life affords more than I possibly gain
When I treat my body with total disdain
Yet no matter how hard I work or how clean
I keep my diet, I know, it’s a scream
That though you won’t find me at rest on my rump
The best I can hope for? Pleasingly plump!
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sloriver
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Mar 11 @ 2:59PM
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^^^^^^^^I LOVE IT!!!
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keeno
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Mar 11 @ 3:31PM
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slo,
i went to the kitchen
thinking you'd raided my cupboards
but i found highland stocking the 'fridge
thanks for the smiles from both of you 
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redtigr
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Mar 11 @ 3:38PM
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Y'all are making me hungry...
Kudos galore... 
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sloriver
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Mar 11 @ 4:06PM
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But....but....... I thought Pringles were calorie free
They are baby, but only if chased with a Carmel Mocha Latte!
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RedHotCajunSpice
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Mar 11 @ 7:23PM
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Gosh but I thought as long as one drank a diet drink with Pringles it cancelled out the calories.
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AutumnSilk
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Mar 11 @ 8:18PM
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Thanks Jake! I gained 15lbs reading your poem!
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kattsmeow
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Mar 11 @ 9:18PM
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Your point is??? These are at the top of my food triangle ya know,,,  
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