For those of you who know me, you'll know of my adopted daughter, who had too many psychological problems to remain at home.
She went undiagnosed until she was 12 years old, not through us as a family and our lack of trying, but the lack of support and services availible in England at that time.
We had a harrowing 9 years of trying to care for a little girl who we didnt understand although my God we tried.
She was finally diagnosed with Pathological demand avoidance syndrome autism..and Schizophrenia. They put some of it down to the drink and drugs her mother took when she was pregnant with her.
She was placed in full time care in a wonderful home with proffesional carers.. and she was very happy there.
Then she turned 16. and although her mind was very much way behind her years, she was given more free time and given less supervision, They said it was normal to do that.
Well the free time she had meant she spent more time with the wrong people, I tried to get a lawyer to press them to take better charge of her, but it was fighting a losing battle.
Then she turned 19 last birthday, still with a mind of just a 10 year old. She threw her arms around my neck when I went to see her and she opened her presents just like a little girl.. my heart bleeds every time I see her. The only consolation is, that she doesnt realise she's different.
She still has huge violent outbursts, uncontrolable rages for no apparent reason, she steals, lies, is extremely destructive with objects, and has been this way all of her life.. this is nothing new. Then she will settle down and can be so loving.
Then the phonecall came that Id been dreading.. Shes pregnant.
I asked them what they intended to do.. They said,, they cant make her have an abortion, because its against her human rights.
But what of the rights of the unborn child?.. they said it was 99% that they will take it from her at birth and be put straight in to Foster care, as she cannot be responsible for it.
I was also told that the child is not automaticly offered to me, Id have to apply like a stranger through the courts.
Its the most horrible situation ever.
I spoke to my daughter on the phone, she sounded like she was talking about having a new doll for Christmas..she has no idea at all.
Every time I talk to the care home and the social services about my concerns.. they use the usual 'Human rights' speech. My lawyer has also said theres nothing I can do.
I told them.. it was her human right to be cared for and protected against such a thing.. thats why we placed her in your hands,, as we were not proffessional or knowledgable enough of her condition to care for her.
They dont have an answer for that.
Neither did they say if they had any suggestions for future pregnancies either.
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| Mind of a 10 year old.....and Pregnant. |
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missliss78
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Mar 30 @ 7:51PM
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Charli, this is very sad & I am sorry you are having to deal with this situation.
I agree with you...it seems SOMETHING should have happened to see to it that this did not take place to begin with.
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sciurusniger
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Mar 30 @ 8:02PM
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Gods, how sad...I don't know what to say except I'm so sorry.
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AutumnSilk
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Mar 30 @ 8:02PM
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Having no idea what the laws are there I won't even give you a list of suggestions. But I know here in the US if a blood relative wants custody of a child they usually get first consideration.
That sounds like a mess, I"m so sorry your daughter and you are having to experience this heartbreaking aspect of her disability.
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chris549547
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Mar 30 @ 8:14PM
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this is a very upsetting situation to hear about,and I feel for you and your daughter,all I can offer is prayers that things will work out for the best
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Cynbaby
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Mar 30 @ 8:28PM
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I really feel for you in this situation .
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redbronze
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Mar 30 @ 8:29PM
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it is not much different here in the States, I think that people who are not able to care for a child should be steralized male and female, but it is against their human rights to do so.. So I feel your pain.. I have a brother who is schitzophrenic and a sister who is bi polar I did a lot of praying that neither would have children and yes my prayers were answered.. I cannot imagine either of them raising a child...
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JimNastics
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Mar 30 @ 8:33PM
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I'm not familiar with this disorder. Will she ever develop mentally past 10 ?
Do they know who is the father of the baby ?
Seems like some responsibility needs to go with him and/or his family.
Regardless, that a tough situation.
At least your daughter is taking it well, even though she doesn't fully understand.
She still has huge violent outbursts, uncontrolable rages for no apparent reason, she steals, lies, is extremely destructive with objects, and has been this way all of her life.. this is nothing new. Then she will settle down and can be so loving.
Sounds like a typical woman to me. 
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blueyed_cdn_girl
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Mar 30 @ 9:26PM
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It is sad that you have to go through this, it is not easy.
I have worked with FAS youth (fetal alcohol syndrome) and it is very difficult. As a youth worker, I can tell you, there is likely not a whole lot more your daughters caregivers could have done if your "laws" are similar to ours. We "had" to give the youth more free time as they got older, even though we as workers "knew" it would lead to trouble. They would end up in trouble with the law and the girls would end up pregnant. One girl that I was a youth worker for has had two babies taken away from her. They are both now in the social service system as wards of the court and will remain there unless adopted which is not too likely as both babies are quite possibly FAS as well seeing as the "mother" drank during her pregnancies.
It is really sad, because most of these youth don't "mature" much past ten or twelve intellectually, yet, they have the urges and desires of adults.
As a relative though, I would think that you would be given first consideration on adopting the baby if that is what you wanted to do.
My thoughts are with you.
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fenderchick
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Mar 30 @ 10:19PM
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I hope everything works out for the best for you and your daughter.
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American_Woman
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Mar 31 @ 2:21AM
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Why don't you petition the court for POA? Then you make all the decisions concerning her care?
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beckyiv42000
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Mar 31 @ 5:39AM
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prayers said for you and her that everything turns out alright ..
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TheClockmaker
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Mar 31 @ 5:59AM
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Charli, hugs to you. I know this is seriously distressing. I agree with American Woman. If your lawyer says you can't do anything then it's time to get another lawyer. Someone HAS to be legally responsible for your daughter. The care center is obviously not doing a proper job of protecting her so I think the court would take a whole different view of this serious situation. I would consider it urgent that you be assigned by the court as her legal representative so you can make those urgent and serious decisions that desperately need to be made and which no one else is obviously willing to make for her. I would be screaming until someone listened to me, you can believe that sister.
Good luck to you and prayers for you and the daughter.
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needa
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Mar 31 @ 6:54AM
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Oh Charli, I'm so terribly sorry. I certainly hope she gets proper attention and care during her pregnancy. My heart goes out to you. 
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LilMissGiggles
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Mar 31 @ 8:29AM
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Am so sorry to hear this Charli....must be heartbreaking for you....you and your daughter will be in my thoughts hun
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justme836
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Mar 31 @ 8:41AM
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Get another lawyer and pray for a good outcome.
Sometimes this world can be so harsh. I feel for you, your daughter and the baby.
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Blondino
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Mar 31 @ 9:31AM
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Charl ..... I am so sorry too
Then the phonecall came that Id been dreading.. Shes pregnant.
Must have been devastating to hear. I feel for everyone involved & especially for the unborn baby  God Bless the little soul
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EternalFlame
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Mar 31 @ 9:37AM
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This horrifies me.
I can only imagine what you're going thru over this, Charli. Hang in there and fight! Get a lawyer, first and foremost, and find out what exactly your rights are in this matter.
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mordru
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Mar 31 @ 12:02PM
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Omg! Charli I am so sorry to hear this.Do they know who the bastard is who got her pregnant? If its one of the staff maybe you do have some legal rights.
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