Why I Hate Drugs
When I first met my husband, I had no idea what an illegal drug was. He was quite an expert himself after having taken drugs from a young age: His own mother used to give him prescription drugs for him to take with his mates for fun.
From the age of 12 he was smoking Cannabis and I had no idea about any of these things until we were well into our relationship.
At first I just accepted it and tried some of these drugs with him. I liked to smoke Cannabis, and it became a large part of our lives. We would smoke all sorts of Cannabis, from green to resins to oils. There were other drugs too, LSD, Magic Mushrooms, Speed, Cocaine, you name it; we tried it apart from Heroin.
Well, that’s not strictly true, because my husband came home from work one day and sat at the table chopping up some substance, he didn’t speak to me the whole time he was there, then he just went off to work again in the evening. That same night he came home and told me that he had tried Heroin and the experience had frightened him to death, he never touched it again.
My husband started to get very sick during his late thirties and it affected our relationship badly to the stage that we could no longer live together. At this time, I had no idea he was sick, his ‘sickness’ as far as I could see was his drug taking.
We remained friends, we even remained in love, we were soul mates. I helped him as much as I could. Some nights we would be on the telephone for hours just chatting and keeping each other company.
When my husband was reaching the age of 40 he had started to age a lot and his drug abuse was showing badly in his facial features and his teeth. I had stopped taking drugs in any form, for years by this time; the responsibility of being a parent had taken precedence over everything for me, but unfortunately drugs in his life were still paramount.
When he was finally diagnosed with Paranoid Schizophrenia, a result of him smoking Cannabis from a young age, he was living in a restaurant and we still had our close friendship, I helped him all I could. He didn’t trust anybody apart from me, our children and his boss.
He visited me one day to tell me that he was being hunted by a big drug ring, he was worried that he would be found dead one day after being murdered by this gang, he warned me that it was to be a ‘head off’ job. He was so worried that he wrote all this down on paper for me and left it with a chef called Carlo. He told me that if ever anything happened to him, I was to get the letter from Carlo.
He began to live like a recluse, working and visiting his children was his life. Then when his medication started to work, he was a different person, he had so much confidence again, he wasn’t at all paranoid and he started to live his life once more, but without the illegal drugs.
It wasn’t long before he thought he was well enough not to need his medication and he stopped collecting his prescriptions.
It wasn’t long either before his condition set back in, but I hadn’t seen or heard from him and just assumed that he was OK.
It wasn’t long either before he started to suffer from his delusions again, that people were trying to kill him.
It wasn’t long either before I got that dreaded knock at the door to tell me that he was dead.
He had finally committed suicide. He had been so frightened that someone was going to kill him that he ended up killing himself.
His last words were ‘If they are going to kill me, I may as well kill myself’ and he went ahead and threw himself under a large Iveco truck.
After this happened, I looked for Carlo, nobody seemed to know who he was. I eventually found Carlo a couple of years later; he denied having any letter for me.
He didn’t reach the age of 40…
...This is my blog…thank you for reading 
Copy & paste to friend: (Click inside box; Ctrl + C to copy; Ctrl + V to paste)
|
|
read more blogs!
|
stephendedalus
|
Apr 2 @ 5:20PM
|
|
I have never heard of anyone developing schitzophrenia from smoking cannibis, but there endless cases of schitzophrenia being triggered by LSD, Psilocybin or Mescaline (Indole alkaloids). That's what happened to Syd Barrett. I've seen it happen to friends of mine, too.
I guess it's possible, but I haven't started hearing voices yet. I have anxiety in stressful situations and have had depression since my father's death in 2006 (grief). I have separation anxiety sometimes, if a friend is missing for longer than normal, I worry that something bad happened to them. But I've lost several people close to me in the past 10 years, one friend who committed suicide, so I have reasons to worry about stuff like that. Too much bad news in a short time will do that.
Anyway, I'm sorry to hear about your husband, Choos. I know that whole experience was heart-rending. I had a girlfriend who was schitzophrenic and it was a lot to deal with, eventually too much.
All I'm saying is I smoke and I don't think I'm paranoid.
OMG! I wouldn't know, would I?!!! 
|
|
CHARLIgurl1
|
Apr 2 @ 5:30PM
|
|
I thought your blog was great!
Yes.. Cannabis is a huge paranoia maker when taken over a period of time.
I do know that they are perscribing it for people suffering from certain conditions to ease the pain etc, but prescribed and given properly.
Good blog!
|
|
misschoos
|
Apr 2 @ 5:32PM
|
|
|
>>>I know this is a tabloid BUT<<<
|
|
fenderchick
|
Apr 2 @ 5:40PM
|
|
I'm so sorry.
...I've never heard of marijauna causing schitzophrenia either but I have known someone when I was a teenager who developed it after taking acid.
What a sad story. 
|
|
ColdinWisconsin
|
Apr 2 @ 5:41PM
|
|
How sad for you and your child/children. What a heart breaker!
~*~
|
|
fenderchick
|
Apr 2 @ 5:44PM
|
|
I just read that article, amazing. I never even would of imagined that. 
|
|
misschoos
|
Apr 2 @ 5:47PM
|
|
|
..I've never heard of marijauna causing schitzophrenia either but I have known someone when I was a teenager who developed it after taking acid.
People who take LSD/acid can enter into a 'flashback' state.
The flashback is from an LSD hallucination. 
|
|
stephendedalus
|
Apr 2 @ 5:51PM
|
|
Okay, I read the article. I'm glad they mentioned that the group that developed schitzophrenia were already in a high risk group, like people who had relatives who were schitzophrenic. That seems to be the pattern. The schitzophrenics I have known had family members who also had it.
I must admit, you had me going for a minute. Not to make light of such a serious subject, but I think you made me a little paranoid? But I'm not high on anything but caffeine, and caffeine can make a person kinda antsy...
|
|
PentatonicPunk
|
Apr 2 @ 5:53PM
|
|
|
People are affected differently by, not only cannibis and other illegal drugs, but even over-the-counter and prescription meds. We aren't all quite the same chemically. I know people who don't smoke because of the feelings of paranoia. I'm sorry that you had to live through this, but rest assured, not everyone has similar reactions.
|
|
ladykay488
|
Apr 2 @ 5:58PM
|
|
MissChoos I am so sorry, this had to be heartbreaking!
Thanks for taking the time to share this part of your life with us....
|
|
misschoos
|
Apr 2 @ 5:59PM
|
|
|
MissChoos I am so sorry, this had to be heartbreaking!
Thanks for taking the time to share this part of your life with us....
Sharing this part of my life has been somewhat difficult for me.
Both my daughters read my blogs and some of their friends too.
|
|
andyorange
|
Apr 2 @ 6:15PM
|
|
|
If wrecked families, domestic violence, lost work days, hospital emergency room visits, deaths involving automobiles, etc. are the criteria, then one would think that alcohol should be the focus, not marijuana. Remember how well prohibition worked?
|
|
overlordbast
|
Apr 2 @ 6:27PM
|
|
I knew a guy that smoked pot for fifty years.He wasn't addicted. 
|
|
Santo007
|
Apr 2 @ 6:35PM
|
|
i am very sorry misschoos
|
|
kattsmeow
|
Apr 2 @ 6:55PM
|
|
|
Professor Robin Murray, of the Institute of Psychiatry in London, warned yesterday that the risks were likely to be heightened by the increasing use of powerful skunk cannabis.
'My own experience suggest to me that the risk with skunk is higher. Therefore their estimate that 14 per cent of cases of schizophrenia in the UK are due to cannabis is now probably an understatement.'
for some of us that are a bit older, this stuff that i quoted is a lot different thean what we knew.
Some of this stuff that I came into contact with in the early 90's made people see things, throw up and that is why some of it was called 'wheel chair pot".
So different than what I knew from the 70's.
I do believe that the strong stuff can cause problems like this.
Bless you my friend, please don't blame yourself either.
|
|
Ginstl
|
Apr 2 @ 6:55PM
|
|
|
Time will heal that kind of wound to your soul.
|
|
misschoos
|
Apr 2 @ 7:21PM
|
|
There are different strengths of Cannabis of course.
Super Skunk is one of those.
BUT the mild effects of the milder forms are only multiplied in the stronger forms.. 
|
|
misschoos
|
Apr 2 @ 7:27PM
|
|
|
I knew a guy that smoked pot for fifty years.He wasn't addicted.
Pot is NOT addictive.
|
|
Mellajenn
|
Apr 2 @ 7:32PM
|
|
That was very brave of you and I applaud you for that 
I have my own use for cannibas and it is called PMS, it is the only thing that takes the edge off..stops me from being a maniac at that time of the month but i don't do it every month, too expensive, so there you got me to "come out" too.
However, on a more serious note, when my daughter was going through chemo, they gave her the pill form towards the end and it was the only thing that made her feel good and eat, why they waited so long? I guess it was her age..but I would have rather of seen her stoned till the end then in pain and suffering as much as she was. (((((((((((JENNA))))))))))))) 
Not to mention, the side effects of chemo will kill you not make you feel better!
So, we all know where i stand with this.
~Amen
|
|
overlordbast
|
Apr 2 @ 7:44PM
|
|
|
Duh,I knows its not addictive.I was trying to lighten up a sad story.But I do know people that have smoked pot for years 20 + And they are not at all psychotic.
|
|
mystery2u888
|
Apr 2 @ 7:58PM
|
|
 my little gal pal..............I am so sorry for this........... I know it is never easy with those kinds of issues..............
xoxo
|
|
jerzygrl328
|
Apr 2 @ 8:21PM
|
|
|
I know how difficult it must have been for you to write this....
|
|
Classy_Blonde
|
Apr 2 @ 8:41PM
|
|
It is difficult enough for us to carry our own burdens, let alone someone else's. I hope writing about it helps you to put this in the past.
I tend to wonder if it was more the cocaine use that caused the paranoia. I do know some people who suffer from it with occasional marijuana use, but not anyone who smokes on a constant basis. I think they have a tolerance.
Since you did mention your ex had experimented with a variety of drugs, it seems possible his condition was due to combined use. Just my opinion. I'm certainly no professional.
|
|
missme165
|
Apr 2 @ 9:20PM
|
|
|
i am sorry. you are strong woman........
|
|
TallBlonde1
|
Apr 2 @ 9:31PM
|
|
I'm very sorry to hear about your husband.
Separate from that I think it's a crock that people get paranoid from cannibis. Paranoia from cocaine, crack, alcohol abuse, meth, LSD, heroin - yes, but from weed, no. I speak from almost 30 years experience around drug users and abusers and I've never seen anyone light up a joint and want to do anything other than eat, have fun or fall asleep. As noted in your tabloid article two of the guys committing the crimes where hyped up on cocaine and heavy drinking when they did it, the third was probably crazy to begin with - note he wasn't smoking when he did his crime. It's like saying the olive in the martini is responsible for making people drive drunk; it's a big stretch to link the two.
|
|
wandaful123
|
Apr 2 @ 10:32PM
|
|
|
I think it's a crock that people get paranoid from cannibis This amazes me as I know of many people that suffer from severe paranoa from smoking pot. I've seen it first hand a number of times.
|
|
jadedbtch
|
Apr 2 @ 10:37PM
|
|
Miss, best wishes with raising your children you are goiing to have your work cut out for you. be honest with your kids and hope and pray they never try it either. Maybe in some shape, way or form this sad story could be a blessing, keep our youth from ever starting it. Once again best wishes to you and yours 
|
|
cartay25
|
Apr 2 @ 10:55PM
|
|
|
|
|
whatagal
|
Apr 2 @ 11:22PM
|
|
|
I am sorry you had to go through this especially with children.
|
|
aFriendlyBlogger
|
Apr 3 @ 12:09AM
|
|
Back when I was 21 , I was all for that Legalization of Pot . Now that, I am abit older, and I don't smoke it anymore . I think, we need to start cleaning up our society . Especially , when our Government spends millions of dollars for these Drug-free America crap. But knows , they are losing the War in Drugs .
|
|
misschoos
|
Apr 3 @ 5:13AM
|
|
|
tall- paranoia cannot be denied with regard to the smoking of marijuana.
|
|
baldy855
|
Apr 3 @ 10:22AM
|
|
|
|
|
overlordbast
|
Apr 3 @ 11:59AM
|
|
Ach tung,Yes ve vell clean up Amerika,First zee pot,zen zee cigerates,zen zee booze,zen zee jews,zen zee non conformist,zen zee world. zeig heil 
|
|
Classy_Blonde
|
Apr 3 @ 12:38PM
|
|
Misschoos,
Since you partook in this drug use also, did you experience the paranoia too? If so, are you able to link that paranoic behavior to marijuana only, or is it possible it could have resulted from the ingestion of multiple types of narcotics? Just curious.
The only people I have ever seen having problems with paranoia related to smoking are those who are used to smoking less potent pot, or as I stated before, they are not frequent users. Yes...the Skunk is extremely potent. I can see a rookie smoker not being able to handle the high.
Since you have written before about Amsterdam, I will touch on my observations about their legalization of cannibis. They have minimal problems with crime there. The locals are somewhat nonchalant about cannibis use. Many of them don't even indulge. The tourists appear to be the problem people. They are in party mode, and they also combine smoking with drinking. Mushrooms are still availble for purchase too.
Then, of course, there are variations in individual body chemistry.
I guess I'm having a problem with the pointing to cannibis as being the soul cause of the paranoia, since so many chemicals were ingested by your ex. How can anyone possibly sift through all of that and determine pot was the culprit? Many of those drugs do permanent damage, but THC is no longer detectable in the system after, at most, 45 days.
I'm no professional, but I do wonder. One thing I have NEVER seen is a violent smoker.
|
|
Mission_Impossible139
|
Apr 3 @ 1:06PM
|
|
|
I took massive doses of Acid back in the sixties. I keep waiting for those flashbacks. In fact I can't wait for them to happen! I wonder if I'll see god again? It's entirely possible my painting has been the subtle implication of covert flashbackism. I wonder if thinking you will live forever is a sign of a paranoid schitzy too?
|
|
TroutFishing
|
Apr 3 @ 6:13PM
|
|
Having watched a college roomate's life revolve around when and
what his next high was going to be, I learned early how "harmless"
things become harmful.
Sad
|
|
Mission_Impossible139
|
Apr 4 @ 1:11PM
|
|
Reality is for those who cannot handle drugs!
|
|
Patrik707
|
Apr 4 @ 6:08PM
|
|
Entheogens have been used for thousands of years to speed up spiritual development. I never tried though but someone else is not going to say i can not try  Water is extremely dangerous!!! We can´t live without it and if we drink to much we explode.
|
|
freeagent811
|
Apr 4 @ 11:41PM
|
|
|
Reality is for people who can't handle drugs
No.. Correction!!! Drugs are for people who can't handle reality!!!
|
|
SpiritEnergy
|
Apr 5 @ 9:51AM
|
|
I used to do drugs and yes, it made me paranoid. Last time I used it on my own and not due to someone else's urging, I had the chit scared out of me. I swore off of it. It slows your reaction times down just like alcohol. So people should not drink or smoke and drive.
But I also think that the possibilities of paranoia are already in place and the pot crashed the brain to create the full blown paranoia. I personally believe the pot makes people less likely to have goals that they are able to succeed at. Less motivated.
I do know from watching friends THAT WERE ADDICTED to pot (yes, it IS addicting) that they got violent when they ran out of pot. Utterly viscious violent. My ex boyfriend would verbally attack me for days after coming to see me and detoxing from pot. (I don't allow it on my property.) I can tell when he is detoxing by his behaviour.
Sorry if anyone disagrees. I am not here to put your favorite high down. I have no problem with people doing their drugs or drink. I just choose not to participate with those choices. I feel people's energy and on THIS side, it feels bad.
|
|
Palomino
|
Apr 6 @ 1:06AM
|
|
Oh Choosie...I feel for you, hon. I did my time with drugs before I had children. Then I quit but the hubby didn't. He died of complications of drugs/alcohol when he was 48. He smoked pot all those years...I couldn't handle it. Yes, it made me paranoid.
I also agree with Classy that it was probably a combination of the drugs and pot that caused the chemical imbalance in your husband's brain. Also, I imagine that he was predisposed to the illness.
The fact that your husband killed himself scares me because I have a daughter who is diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic. Since her last crisis, we have had a difficult time convincing her to take her meds. She did dabble in drugs in her teens and smoked pot for a few years, but she had quit all of that. Her problem was alcohol while being on anti-psychotics...then stopping her meds. She hasn't drank in four months and has quit smoking cigarettes...but she still has a way to go before she back to her normal level.
So yeah...I know what you speak of, my friend. ~*~
|
|
nicegirl101
|
Apr 6 @ 3:30PM
|
|
|
|
|
test957
|
Apr 6 @ 5:12PM
|
|
|
Paranoia - fact absolutely!!!
|
|
trubolt
|
Apr 27 @ 8:38AM
|
|
anything in life can affect people differently, but the vast majority of those with "recreational" lifestyles and or tendancies, including alcohol consumption, lead fully functional lives and you'd never know. it's the ones who go off the deep end that gets the most attention, scrutiny, propagandized, etc. i believe the key is in those with 'addictive personalities'. in other words, they had some issues to start with, and the drug, etc is the straw that broke the camel's back. like pouring gas on an already lit fire. that's why one person can pick it up and put it down at will, and can still show up for work every day, pays bills, have relationships, etc ... while all the other guy needs is just a taste, and next thing ya know, he lives in a bottle and has nothing. some people are a disaster simply waiting to happen, and all they need is a catalyst. could be weed, heroin, cigarettes, a bud light, or even a credit card. from my observations, i find it ironic that nowhere on earth has it ever been documented or proven that smoking weed has killed anyone and is illegal ... yet millions die every year from alcohol and tobacco and they're both legal.
don't get me wrong, i'm not advocating anything here. we all have our own thoughts and experiences on the matter. what works for one, may not for the other, etc ... but it's a choice that most people can make. i say most. all i know is the only thing i've ever known anyone wanting to hurt or kill after smoking weed was maybe a pizza or a 6pack.
|
|
|