DAMNITOL Take two and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.
EMPTYNESTROGENSuppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful your teenagers were growing up and how you couldn't wait till they moved out!
PEPTOBIMBOLiquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before
an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and
prevents conception.
DUMBEROLWhen taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in
enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.
FLIPITOR Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road
rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
MENICILLINPotent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such
lethal lines as, 'You make me want to be a better person. '
BUYAGRAInjectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency,
duration, and credit limit of spending spree.
JACKASSPIRINRelieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday,
anniversary, phone number, or to lift the toilet seat
ANTI-TALKSIDENTA spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to
share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.
NAGAMENTWhen administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him, without opening your mouth
