The late comedian Paul Lynde would have celebrated his 81st birthday on June 13th 2008. Here are some priceless, classic Paul Lynde answers from Hollywood Squares....
Peter Marshall: In what state was Abraham Lincoln born?
Paul Lynde: Well, like all of us, naked and screaming.
Peter Marshall: Pride, anger, covetousness, lust, gluttony, envy, and sloth are collectively known as what?
Paul Lynde: The Bill of Rights.
Peter Marshall: According to Billy Graham, is immorality contagious?
Paul Lynde: I know he was down with it for about a month.
Peter Marshall: If the right part comes along, will George C. Scott do a nude scene?
Paul Lynde: You mean he doesn't have the right part?
Peter Marshall: After Phyllis Diller's recent facelift, she received thousands of letters, mostly asking three questions: did it hurt? How much did it cost? And one other... what?
Paul Lynde: Do your eyes close when you sit down?
Peter Marshall: What are 'dual purpose' cattle good for that other cattle aren't?
Paul Lynde: They give milk and cookies... but I don't recommend the cookies!
Peter Marshall: Which performing team were the stars of Ed Sullivan's first TV show?
Paul Lynde: Aretha and Benjamin Franklin.
Peter Marshall: Paul, how do you make a pretzel hard?
Paul Lynde: Show it a donut.
Peter Marshall: According to the French Chef, Julia Child, how much is a pinch?
Paul Lynde: Just enough to turn her on.
Peter Marshall: Now listen carefully, Paul... during the time of the hula hoop, the yo-yo, and Davy Crockett hats, who was in the White House?
Paul Lynde: I'll say the yo-yo.
Peter Marshall: What is a pullet?
Paul Lynde: A little show of affection
.
Peter Marshall: Paul, who is better looking, a pixie or a fairy?
Paul Lynde: Looks aren't everything!
Peter Marshall: Paul, what's a hung jury?
Paul Lynde: All male.
Peter Marshall: When you pat a dog on its head he will usually wag his tail. What will a goose do?
Paul Lynde: Make him bark.
Peter Marshall: It is the most abused and neglected part of your body-- what is it?
Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused but it certainly isn't neglected!
Peter Marshall: The Great White is one of the most feared animals. What is the Great White?
Paul Lynde: A sheriff in Alabama .
Peter Marshall: We've all heard the old phrase, 'A pig in a poke.' What is a poke?
Paul Lynde: It's when you're not really in love.
Peter Marshall: Nathan Hale, one of the heroes of the American Revolution, was hung. Why?
Paul Lynde: Heredity.
Peter Marshall: Paul, true or false, the University of Nebraska was recently given $185,000 for an extensive study of the prune.
Paul Lynde: There goes $185,000 down the drain!
Cheers to all of us old timers who remember him!
Copy & paste to friend: (Click inside box; Ctrl + C to copy; Ctrl + V to paste)
|
|
read more blogs!
Blogs by Blueschic:
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Classic Funny Answers from Hollywood Squares |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
sloriver
|
Apr 14 @ 8:33AM
|
|
I remember that show well. Paul Linde was hilarious but he wasn't the only one.
CHARLEY WEAVER
Peter Marshall: Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during your first year?
Weaver: Of course not, Peter. I'm too busy growing strawberries!
Peter Marshall: According to a recent article in the Miami Herald, at age 78, is Groucho Marx still interested in sex?
Charley Weaver: Yes, but he's forgotten the secret word.
Peter Marshall: Charley, an 87-year-old doctor named Quick invented something that's named for him. What is it?
Charley Weaver: 87 years old? I'd say the quickie!
Peter Marshall: Charley, true or false: every time you sneeze, your heart stops.
Charley Weaver: Out to the home, there's a few people that, whenever they sneeze, their hearts stop!
Peter Marshall: According to Billy Graham, can you get anything you've always wanted in Heaven, if you didn't get it on Earth?
Charley Weaver: Yes, but there's an extra charge for the whitewalls.
Peter Marshall: Is there a weight limit for bags on airline flights in this country?
Charley Weaver: If she can fit under the seat, she can fly.
Peter Marshall: According to Today's Health, what do most dentists say you should do with your dentures before going to bed?
Charley Weaver: Out to the home, we throw them all into the center of the room and have a swap party...
Peter Marshall: According to Ann Landers, is their anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army!
Peter Marshall: Charley, what do you call a pig that weighs more than 150 pounds?
Charley Weaver: A divorcee.
GEORGE GOEBELS
Peter Marshall: Can breathing in and out of a paper bag help stop anything?
George Gobel: If it's filled with wine it can stop me from shaking.
Peter Marshall: True or false...a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
George Gobel: Boy it sure seems that way sometimes...
Peter Marshall: If the Six Million Dollar Man and the Bionic Woman were to have a baby, would it be a bionic baby?
George Gobel: Yes, but it would require three doctors, a ground crew and a disposable net.
Peter Marshall: While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting "Poo! Poo! Poo!"
What does that mean?
George Gobel: Cattle crossing.
(laughter and applause dies down)
Peter Marshall: Aren't you ashamed?
George Gobel: I really am.
Peter Marshall: What is the definition of the word "Gobbledygook?"
George Gobel: That's the stuff that crusts over in turkeys' eyes when they're asleep.
Peter Marshall: According to an old song, you should "Wrap all your troubles in..." What?
George Gobel: Furs...and tell her to stop calling your house!
Peter Marshall: One Frenchman in seven makes his living making something. Making what?
George Gobel: Making love to the lady tourists.
Peter Marshall: Does the Secret Service have any women?
George Gobel: Of course, who do you think performs the secret service?
Peter Marshall: Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Peter Marshall: True or false, George...experts say there are only seven or eight things in the world dumber than an ant.
George Gobel: Yes, and I think I voted for six of 'em.
ANN MARIE
Peter Marshall: As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while you are talking?
Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing older question, Peter...and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget!
(from the June 1980 NBC finale)
Peter Marshall: Way back in 1256, a philosopher and monk named Roger Bacon took 41.2 percent salt peter, and 29.4 each of sulfur and carbon, and came up with the modern version of something...what?
Rose Marie: Army food.
Peter Marshall: True or False: the biggest problem couples face in marriage is having sex.
Rose Marie: No, that's the second biggest problem. The biggest problem is no sex.
Peter Marshall: Is it okay to freeze mushrooms?
Rose Marie: What else do I have to do, Pete?
Peter Marshall: You're a shy, bashful girl...
Rose Marie: Oh no I'm not!
Peter Marshall: All hypothetical, of course. According to "Cosmo," will you probably be helped in overcoming your shyness by choosing an extroverted, outgoing husband?
Rose Marie: Gosh Peter, I did that once and his wife caught us.
Peter Marshall: During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
Rose Marie: Unfortunately, Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
Peter Marshall: According to Good Housekeeping, how many years is the life expectancy of your lingerie?
Rose Marie: If you're talking about wear and tear, mine will last forever.
Peter Marshall: In bowling, what's a perfect score?
Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
|
|
|