Two Knights in Shining Armour & A Wheelchair! posted 4/16/2008 7:42:06 PM | 2 kudos what's this?     report abuse

Bionic_Angel

Day two in the surgical admission ward - Doctor Heiney or whatever his name was, a German guy woke me the night before, with his assistant and a nurse by his side. They spoke to one another, never once directed a word at me. "Write this down nurse....". Fortunately I watched and listened intently as Doctor dictated to Nurse that I did not require surgery, would need a new plaster in four weeks, should be allowed home the next day after assessment by the Physiotherapy Department. Once home I should take the required pain killers and keep my leg "elevated".

Having hardly slept a wink all night and still considered "nil by mouth" as the guy who dished up breakfast hadn't been informed I didn't need surgery, I slept through breakfast and shortly before lunch I woke to find two blonde bimbettes heading towards my bed. Every guys dream I should imagine but they turned out to be my worst nightmare. The one who appeared to be in charge looked about 16, her junior about 12 - they went through the safety procedure on how to use crutches in about 3 seconds flat. To be honest I was still coming round from my sleep and the vast amount of pain killers I was being fed on a regular basis. They insisted I made my way on the crutches a good 12-13 yards across the ward. I was criticised for picking them up wrongly, not having them in the safety starting postion and for sliding my arms into them the wrong way around even before I'd stood up. To say this made me a little self conscious is an understatement. I then had to maneovre my not so sylphlike body across the ward while they hovered over me like vultures and the rest of the ward looked on almost willing me to fall and make a tit of myself. I didn't fall but I did wobble a couple of times.

Pleased with myself I sat breathless on the end of my bed, knowing full well I'd not have to got a third of that distance in the tiny flat I lived in. I felt I'd done really well, however the two bimbettes looked at one another and her in charge mumbled something about me getting some practice going to and from the toilet - which was twice the distance I'd just travelled - and that I wasn't to go without a nurse to look after me. No one told me I'd failed their test and I wouldn't be going home that day after all. I waited for about 3 hours for someone to let me know when I could go home. Eventually I called a nurse who had just come on duty, she returned saying I wouldn't be going home and the Physio team would be back tomorrow to reassess me. I'd been a good patient until this point, but there was no way I was spending another night in that place. I can't remember what I said to the nurse but she very quickly brought the Sister to my bed, who sat down and sternly reminded me the assessment had been for my own safety. I told her I didn't think it had been a fair assessment - being half asleep and drugged up to the eyeballs I was bound to be a little wobbly on my crutches. She started to protest and I told her I wasn't spending another night in that place. She knew I'd probably discharge myself so she called the Bimbettes back. I did a whole lot better this time because I was more awake, and they reluctantly agreed I could go home, but mainly because they knew I'd probably go anyway.

Just after the Physio Bimbos left the ward my Mother and children arrived. I was pleased to see them but a little mystified as I felt sure they would have been told when they called that I was coming home. Apparently Mother couldn't get through to the ward so they got on the bus and made their way to the hospital - a 20 minute drive but an hour's bus ride. Lovely to see them but how the hell were we all going to get home? I was informed that although I was entitled to transport, the chances of an ambulance being able to take me that day was pretty remote, it might happen, it might not. I might have to wait until the next day. I was so determined to get home. Mother looks askance at me and says "how are we going to get home then?" and I suggested a cab. He retort was it would cost a fortune - about £25 I'd say - not bad for 5 people in a cab I'd say, but clearly it was a big enough emergency for Mum to dig deep into her purse for. I told her we'd have to call my sister who was in South London at work still and if she couldn't come to pick us up I'd have to stay another night and they'd have to go home on the bus. My eldest daughter took control before World War 3 broke out between Mum and I and called my sister. Good old sis said "no problem" but she had just finished work, had to pick her daughter up from the creche and then drive over. I'm not sure how long we waited but it was worth it. Meantime I got my discharge papers and my medication and was promised a porter to get me downstairs. I felt a bit like luggage but quite honestly there was no other way than to be wheeled bodily to the elevators and out to the front entrance.

I was so pleased to see the porter when he arrived with a very uncomfortable looking wheelchair, the mobile comode had looked more accommodating. He wasn't the handsomest of men, short, stocky, in his late 50's and covered in tattoos, but quite honestly he looked like George Clooney to me at that moment. He made a little joke about me wanting to go or did I want to say another night and I said "Oh my God, are you kidding me? You're my knight in shining armour, just get me out of here". On the way to the elevators he asked me if I was comfortable and I asked him in return if he'd like to come home with me and look after me. He said "sure" but he'd have to ask the Missus. I asked him if he did a good line in cooked breakfast and he said he'd throw in a great Sunday roast too. I was falling in love as we decended to the ground floor. He seemed reluctant to leave me too. I told him he could go because I didn't know when my sister would arrive, she said she would call when she did. He kept saying "are you sure? I can stay" - of course this was because he didn't want to get back to work, but I decided at the time he'd become a little attached to me. I guess I was still a little delusional from lack of sleep and too many drugs.

.......... continued below..........

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Blogs by Bionic_Angel: HERSTORY HERSTORY The Reason I'm Alive! One of Life's Mysteries! I'm So Sorry Folks! Ode To The Latest Troll : No More Room Under The Bridge! The Believer Achiever's Club Has Moved to The Forums The Believer Achievers Club! Dirty Old Women! Everything Changes! Join The Club! Crappy Blog Posting Makes You Look Like A Dork! Two Knights in Shining Armour & A Wheelchair! Undercover Cat Man Is On The Loose! Spiritual Scammers Sleepless In Surgical Admissions Three Angels & A Hospital Bed Yeah I'm Back - What's It To Ya? What's The Point In Any Of 'This? A Little Sugar For My Bitterness! Keep Yer 'And On Yer 'Appenny! My Soul Sister Freak Like Me? Lessons In Online Love! What Goes Around Comes Around!