Everything Changes! posted 4/17/2008 8:19:56 PM | 3 kudos what's this?     report abuse tagged: friendship

Bionic_Angel

Everything in this life has it's time. If there's one thing we can be absolutely sure of is change is inevitable. Sometimes things seem so good we just can't believe they will ever sour or change for the worse. Some things simply die a natural death and we accept it without sadness or regret. Other times we mourn the loss and it can take time to come to terms with a change that has been thrust upon us.

It's a good thing now and again to reflect on our lives and weed out the dead wood. We often hold onto things that no longer serve us. We also cling to people who no longer want a part of our lives and leave us wondering why. I will never understand how some human beings appear to find it so easy to discard friendship like it's no more than left over takeaway that no longer seems appetising even warmed up. I'm beginning to feel it's the way of the world and that this angel needs to toughen up if she's going to survive another 46 years on this planet.

Friendship means a lot to me. I've even been naive enough to think I could cultivate friendships with the opposite sex if things didn't go the romantic way. I've lost count of the amount of men I've corresponded with, chatted on messenger and sometimes on the phone. It's certainly double figures and out of all of them only one long distance friend remains and one in the UK who has been in a relationship since I've known him. I am going to meet the UK friend but I wonder at times if I'll ever have the pleasure of meeting the other guy. I never doubt that it would be a pleasure for both of us because whatever has happened between us or to us, we have remained good friends.

A good friend doesn't have to talk to you every day, they don't have to make extravagant gestures, they just pick up where they left off with you and always have a kind word where it's needed. I have met so many people over the years, many of which I thought were my true friends who I could rely on. At the time I never dreamed that one day they'd no longer be a part of my life.

I've recently had an accident which prevents me from walking, driving or even leaving the house alone and it's at times like this you realise just how many true friends you really have. I'm glad this has happened to me because for a long time I've felt alone and unloved. I've never been lonely as such, too many people around me, but I guess I just felt taken for granted. I have a group of friends I call my A-Team - yes, I even doubted them for a while but since my accident they've come up trumps. Thanks Al, Paula, Nicky, Kath and Rachel for all you've done for me. You'll probably not read this blog but I wanted to make this tribute to you anyway.

I've also discovered who my true friends are on line. Those who have made an effort to write to me or catch me on messenger and take a little time out of their day to ask me how I'm getting along. There have been many who wouldn't have given me the time of day if I'd not said hello first. I accept they have lives of their own but when I take the time to remember things about their lives and make a point of asking them how they are, it would be nice if they showed the slightest interest in me at least in the first couple of weeks of my confinement.

I don't expect to milk this for the next 8 weeks, although there are plenty of blogs in me yet, but I am very grateful to those on this site who have given me even just a little of their time. Thanks in particular to Mellajenn, Melliss, ClassyBlond, SugarLee, Jelltex, Wandaful and Blondino who have given me more of their time than I would ever have asked for. I have always said I don't know sometimes how I would have coped without this place. I know some will think I'm pathetic but I am attached to this site because I have formed an attachment to the people here.

Sometimes I'm disappointed by those I thought were my friends and turn out not to be. Sometimes I'm upset by the fact that they're clearly more interested in themselves than they're ever likely to be in me. Totally fed up with being taken for granted I had a cull on my messenger. Very few remain and out of those only a couple actually talk to me regularly. I feel it's the end of an era for me because I don't have one single UK man remaining. Never in all the time I've been searching on line have I ever had any less than three possible suitors. There's one still hanging around but he's really just another who is more interested in what I can do for him than what he can do for me.

Shouldn't friendship be a two-way street? I made a connection with this guy, we dated, there's an attraction, but he decided we should just stay friends because he found himself a much younger more local girl who he clearly prefers but he doesn't have the guts to say so. If he doesn't find her more of a match then how come I know about her but he's not prepared to tell her about me because he wouldn't want to upset her. I'm a very laid back, easy going sort but I'm sick and tired of men thinking I don't have feelings. It's only a matter of time before he joins the rest of those I deleted the other day, but I guess I'm holding onto the last shred of what once promised to be a fine romance. I know one day I will feel safe to be myself with someone and they will think I'm the best thing that has ever happened to them. I'm not sure when or how it will happen but I know it will because it's what I want and know I deserve.

So this end of an era is bitter sweet because it marks the beginning of the new me. Ironically Bionic Angel is having to be rebuilt, from the inside out. The inside is pretty much complete but will always need work despite years of personal development and positive thinking. The outside will take a few more weeks and I'm hoping the mended ankle will help me to move forward mentally and spiritually as well as physically. I've been too afraid of change for too long, it's time to embrace it.

Goodbye old fickle friends, I won't be here for you any more, not that you'll even notice for more than a second I'm sure.

Hello good friends and the new ones coming into my life. I now know what true friendship is. It's not how many friends you hang onto, it's who is there when you really need them.


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Blogs by Bionic_Angel: Sadness Is Beauty Angel's Choice of UK Men Online Totally Sucks!!!!!!!!!!! The Life & Times Of A One-Legged Woman! HERSTORY HERSTORY The Reason I'm Alive! One of Life's Mysteries! I'm So Sorry Folks! Ode To The Latest Troll : No More Room Under The Bridge! The Believer Achiever's Club Has Moved to The Forums The Believer Achievers Club! Dirty Old Women! Everything Changes! Join The Club! Crappy Blog Posting Makes You Look Like A Dork! Two Knights in Shining Armour & A Wheelchair! Undercover Cat Man Is On The Loose! Spiritual Scammers Sleepless In Surgical Admissions Three Angels & A Hospital Bed Yeah I'm Back - What's It To Ya? What's The Point In Any Of 'This? A Little Sugar For My Bitterness! Keep Yer 'And On Yer 'Appenny! My Soul Sister