Getting Back To My Old Self posted 4/24/2008 12:46:42 PM | 2 kudos what's this?     report abuse

Makya

At some point in time, I realized I had stepped so far outside of myself in an effort to make my marriage work, that I didn't even know who I was anymore. I actually couldn't make the most basic of decisions without second guessing myself. I had this constant fear of everything coming back to bite me in the buttocks. (Could have said behind, but the word "buttocks" always makes me giggle)

I became this serious pessimist who hated my life, but tried to help other people and encourage other people to enjoy and make the best of their own lives. I felt like such a hypocrit. How could I counsel my friends and give them tips on how to keep their marriages together, be better wives, insist to them how important it was to try to keep their marriages together when mine was failing so miserably?

It weighed on me spiritually that as much as I tried to get them to stay in their marriages, I just wanted mine done and over with.

Here lately, I have felt free. I have let go of all those feelings of misery and guilt, and am well on my way to being my old self again.

I walk confident in knowing that I went above and beyond in my effort to have a lasting marriage.

I feel confident in the advice I gave, because everything I told them to try I had already tried. But they hadn't.

No matter who may try to steal my shine for whatever reason, I feel great. I am constantly being blessed. I have a new attitude. Never again will I sink into so low of an abyss as I have just (By the mercy of God) climbed out of.

Either choose to walk with me, or get out of my way. Because I will not let ANYONE pull me back!

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Blogs by Makya: I Don't Want To Rule The World If I Could Getting Back To My Old Self No More Drama Not Terribly Religous, But I Get Scared. My first MD blog