Some things in life never come around as often as we like. Your time with friends and certain family members, holiday gatherings, a special night out or quiet times at home when you just enjoy the tranquility of your surroundings can seem too far apart. It's something you look forward too and anticipate with great joy. They create feelings that you will always remember and treasure...........memories that never fade.
There are some inevitable events that happen more often than we like, these are the ones that we remember with mixed feelings. The death of some one close to us, the heartbreak of a lost love or failed friendship or even just moving on with our lives and leaving behind a comfort zone that we have known for a long time is just part of life. Yet even these sad times can leave us with good memories that we hold on to and reference once in a while.
Then there are times in your life that seem to be blocked from your mind as if they never happened and never will again. Memories that are there but you have no way to recall them until you relive the moment. I'm not talking about a major personal tragedy, compared to those this is just a mere snag in the fabric of time. It's something that everyone has experienced, for many it happens several times a year. For myself it's been years since I have been thru this and hopefully there will be many more before I experience it again.
I had the flu and for almost 48 hours I felt miserable, helpless and desperate. Every part of my body hurt (even my toes), I couldn't eat or drink, and sleep came in 1 hour increments. I don't understand how I could forget how that felt. I have helped others get thru it and nursed them while they were down and empathized with them in their misery, yet every time it hits me I am totally caught off guard.
As I started to regain my sense of me yesterday I began to think about this. Why is this the one thing that always escapes my memories? I have memories from my childhood that seem silly (a scraped knee, sore throats, walking to school in the rain) and remember every minute of them, but I know that by tomorrow I will forget how bad this was. I'll remember that I was miserable, but not the feelings of misery. There are worse memories that I have that I would gladly give up in exchange for that one. That is one thing I would like to be prepared for when it happens again.
As much as I ponder this one eluding memory I am grateful for the memories that I have and continue to deal with the ones I don't want. Memories are a mystery, we have no control over them. Some come and go as they please while others are there waiting for us to bring them to mind. I know there is a reason that we can't pick and choose our memories. I also know that some things were are never meant to forget. Our memories make us who we are and help shape our future. Without them we might as well be robots, mindlessly wandering unaware of what we have done and why we are here.
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