Cold Puke in Blog Land posted 5/2/2008 6:21:07 PM | 36 kudos what's this?     report abuse tagged: quality, paranoia, writing

LaughTillYaPuke

So here I sit trying to decide if I want to be known as "Cold" or "The Puke". Both have their high points, and both describe me quite well in a visual kind of way. I took a little break away. (Much needed) To re-group. Focus and get myself back on track. I tend to go all out when I do anything, and being online is no different. I have always had the innate ability to see the wonder and beauty in just about anything. I was the idiot who could crouch down in awe at the rainbows in an oil spill. I'm a "glass is half full" kind of gal. So when I start seeing more negative than positive, I know that it's either time for me to take a break, or at least step back and view things as a whole picture.

You see, even when things are horribly wrong, I can zoom in on just the beautiful bits. I can find the kind and good in the creepiest person you have ever met. But for some reason, I am always totally perplexed when people show their bad sides. It always seems to come as such a surprise. I never really know if it is my own inability to see the truth, or others ability at hiding their core selves so well. And, one of my worst faults (besides being stubborn) is the ability to take it all so personally. I can never see that what may be a character flaw in someone, wasn't necessarily a intentional cruelty towards me. That sometimes people willingly carry their baggage wherever they go. And some, carry it as a badge of honor, an online martyr if you will.

I think I just became so overwhelmed with people stomping their feet about their flaws, their hurts, their raw open wounds. Their screaming for attention over these internal hurts. The bizarre and sometimes creepy behavior which most times seems a desperate attempt for attention. I'm not talking about the loss of loved ones, the recent heart break, the searching for answers. I'm talking about the sad and lonely comments that I started to see where ever I looked. And I had to ask myself if I was becoming jaded, or was the site going through an up swell on this wave of online dating?

But in the end I had to conclude that this goes on. And on and on. And that again we all are failing to take responsibility for our own actions and points of view. That when the lights go out at night, I really only have control over myself and my own actions. And if I am starting to see only the negative, then that is MY problem. I'm usually pretty darn good at skirting right past creepy controversy, banal boldness and righteous rioters. That if I look down and see mud on my soul, I can either look around in anger to see who threw it, or I can realize that I stood too close, or God forbid, even crawled right into the pit with the crazies.

So while I can't say I stopped posting right after I left (I did jump in the feminism thread and found myself covered in that mud again) I did stop blogging and posting in the other forums. I did stop contact with just about everyone but a close few. And they were pretty tolerant of my seeming inability to respond to emails. And I have to tell you, I didn't miss it a bit. What I DID miss was writing blogs. Reading quality musings of a few talented bloggers. And when I told by someone via email that I missed it, they said that there was quite the controversy blazing regarding the symbol....~*~. I found this to be highly humorous. It was something started WAY before I ever came to the site, and I had always assumed it was a symbol for giving a kudo. And I have used it on occasion.

It seems that there were some people who felt that it was a hidden symbol similar to the Masons, or like a Star Trek salute. Something granted to only a few. I can't tell you how hard I laughed when I learned the origins of the symbol. A blog written a while ago by a very talented writer. From what I can gather, it was used to differentiate between the blond jokes, mass emails, self promotion, and political blogs from the original work. People who were sitting down and producing some serious quality stuff.

I wrote a blog about this myself once, it was called "Jewels in the Mud", and I took no flack for what I wrote. And to be honest, I think people who put that kind of effort into their work should have a separate section to place their writings in. There is none. Please, tell me we are not so petty as to all want what everyone else has. I don't throw a hissy fit because the political people aren't talking about things that interest me. Why in the world would you care how others choose to label themselves? I think the symbol is the highest form of compliment in blog land. You want one? Earn it. WRITE. Get down and dirty. Show some guts. Show your bones. Shed a little blood.

Let me put it to you this way, if you are an accomplished painter or sculptor, should your work be placed with the cartoons? No. And that's not to say that cartoons don't take an enormous amount of talent, it is just DIFFERENT talent. And I have greatly missed some of the talent in blog land. Those rare individuals who fire me up. Make me think. Make me click the sign off button and go write in the dark. And for those of you who do that for me, you know who you are. And your not writing enough. Not nearly fast enough. I am the writing addict who has missed her fix. A blond joke just won't do it. It don't want flipping jello when I am craving Boston Cream Pie.

It's online dating honey. We all have different tastes. So the man that holds absolutely no interest to me just might be Mr. perfect to you. And it's the same with blog land. So write your jokes, copy paste your emails, cry to the world about how you have been mistreated. Just don't get all up in arms when people look past you. When they take out their shovel and start digging around you. Don't take it personally, they are just looking for the jewels in the mud.

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Blogs by LaughTillYaPuke: The Most Beautiful Place on Earth Mother Barn In The Beginning TESTIFY!!! She's a Real Mother Alright..... Sharp Dead Toe Nails Melee Come to Life The Game....Part III The Game....Part II The Game....Part I Portrait........Portrayal Cold Puke in Blog Land