|
The greatest poem ever known
Is one all poets have outgrown:
The poetry, innate, untold,
Of being only four years old.
~Christopher Morley, To a Child
Mamas... don't let your (girl) children grow up to be tomboys, cowgirls, or farm bred.... Let's cut to the chase. I have always wondered why I didn't fit in with the girls in school, as I got older I did realize why.. I wasn't cut from the same pattern as most girly girls, I wasn't taught the proper feminine way to behave (mom had her hands full with the kids - there was no time to show me how to put on makeup, fix my hair, apply perfume, bat my eyes, and there wasn't a whole bunch of warm smoozey feelings that she shared). I am not complaining here.. nope! And for any of you that feel I am .. so be it..
Last nigh I had a long, long talk with my youngest sister. Every once in a while we reminisce about things that took place in our formative years and I gotta tell yall, I am amazed that we are still here able to walk and didn't kill our fool azzz selves with the antics and shite we managed to pull off.
Shoot, from the cracking open of our eyes, we sat at the table, ate with a vengeance, tossed on our Keds and sped out the door. There were no video games, no cable tv, no movies that we could rent. So we spent tons and tons of time outdoors. Being that I was the *cough, cough* eldest of the 4, I was the one responsible for what was gonna go down that day. So, yep, you guessed it, I became the "Taskmaster" and I would frikken get my azz whooped if we came home all bloodied and broken.. so ... most of the time I carried my supplies in my pockets.. some bandaids, a bottle of Mercurochrome (you know that nasty-azzed pink shite which burned all the way to the core of your being and make you scream like a frikken banshee) and a small supply of tissues. These things were necessary in case one of us "base" jumpers needed to be patched up real quick like. And I got to be very good with the use of puddles and small scrap pieces of rags I tore up and stuffed in my jean pockets to cleanse and disinfect the wounds before applying the gag to the mouth and slobbering on the Mercurochrome, but absolutely nothing prepared me for the trip to the hospital with the victim of a gunshot wound.
Long story short.. I was in charge (what else is new). I was 17 and home with the 3 other siblings (yep, by that time I had my babiest bro.. Rick, who was all of 18 months). Mom & dad took the 2nd eldest out to look for a used car. Rick had a play rifle.. the kind that you cocked (get those minds back) and pulled the trigger and the frikken thing wheezzzedd... phhhhhhhhuuuuuuuueeee... jest like the sound of a B-B gun. We bigger kids used to play dead when Rick pointed that gun at us and pulled the trigger and he would laugh and laugh. This day would be different.. Rick walked up to my sister, Deb, who was lying on the couch reading a "17" magazine and put the "play" gun up against her knee and pulled the trigger. Deb went into the role playing with a vengeance and when I calmly said.. "OK, knock it off.. you are overacting." She screamed at me, crying like a faucet.. "it was the BB gun!" Sure enough, when I lifted her jean pant leg, there were 2 holes in her knee with a trickle of blood escaping each. What to do???? Does the word "panic" come to mind on any a ya? Yep, I had to carry her to my car, tried both in town doctors who were out.. and then made a trip to the hospital (catholic one) where I was interrogated for shooting her!
Ah, yeah... wonder how the hell I am here to tell these tales...
for gramps: Smart azz answers:
SMART ASS ANSWER #6-- It was mealtime during a flight on Hooters Airline. "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated in front. "What are my choices?" John asked. "Yes or no," she replied.
SMART ASS ANSWER #5-- A flight attendant was stationed at the
departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended
her hand for the ticke t and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."
SMART ASS ANSWER #4-- A lady was picking through the frozen
turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, " Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
SMART ASS ANSWER #3 -- The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way
without a ticket.
SMART ASS ANSWER #2 -- A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."
SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2007- A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
Two bonus extras:
A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?"
The clerk says, "What denomination?"
The blonde says, "God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists.
A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."
The husband replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
Copy & paste to friend: (Click inside box; Ctrl + C to copy; Ctrl + V to paste)
|
|
read more blogs!
Blogs by luvshorses644:
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Mama don't let your babies grow up to be tomboys... smart azz answers! |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
PullMyFinger
|
May 3 @ 10:54AM
|
|
|
and then made a trip to the hospital (catholic one) where I was interrogated for shooting her!
Boy, does that sound familiar...
wait for it...
~*~
|
|
misschoos
|
May 3 @ 11:03AM
|
|
I wasn't brought up like that either and I'm glad I wasn't.
I don't mind getting my hands dirty and can look just as
good as any woman in that little black number. 
|
|
IrisRain
|
May 3 @ 11:46AM
|
|
|
( mom had her hands full with the kids - there was no time to show me how to put on makeup, fix my hair, apply perfume, bat my eyes
We were raised "county" my mom would put make up on before we went to the store and I always thought she was nuts. When I was about 9 our neighbor would hop in the car barefooted and when we got to the she's ask ME for my shoes. And how about the lady who was forever spotted in curlers and house shoes! Mom was worried about lipstick.
I was more concerned with what type of saw dad was gonna pull out for the day than I was with matching my shoes and my lipstick.
I'm not a prissy girl, sorry. My nails belong to me and lipstick is optional.
|
|
IrisRain
|
May 3 @ 11:47AM
|
|
|
Oh, forgot this.... ~*~
|
|
redtigr
|
May 3 @ 11:52AM
|
|
You and I - well, let's just say our childhoods were mirrors... 'cept I didn't shoot any of my siblings.. 
All my injuries were self-inflicted...
~*~
|
|
oceanlover734
|
May 3 @ 12:32PM
|
|
LOL you know I can relate as I was the oldest of 5 and more was put on me than should have been but that was life. God at the cover ups we had to create to keep our butts from being beat half to death! Still all in all it was not as bad a life as I may have thought back then. ~*~
Oh yeah and the jokes gave me a laugh that I needed, thanks!
|
|
kattsmeow
|
May 3 @ 12:39PM
|
|
 I'm sorry, the blog was/is good, but the jokes are hilarious!!!
~*~
|
|
callmemax
|
May 3 @ 5:11PM
|
|
whenever i try to make a smart-a$$ed reply, and my older bro is around,,,he always says, you would be all right, if ED (another bro) hadn't dropped you (as a baby), when we were playing catch with you in the living room. don't know if the story is true, about them playing catch, cause i have a bad memory. 
course, being the youngest meant, i was never (cough, cough) the one to be held responsible for leading the others astray.
|
|
|