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"It is our choices that show who we are, far more than our abilities" -- Joanne Kathleen Rowling
"Meditation brings wisdom; lack of mediation leaves ignorance. Know well what leads you forward and what holds you back, and choose the path that leads to wisdom" -- Buddha
I guess I will never understand the motivation, the thought processes, the bitterness, the unwillingness to let something that should be let go, go -- and though it frustrates me, I have accepted that I cannot understand and I have let go of the notion that I need to.
I spoke with my mom yesterday. She did her usual routine of asking how my children are. I told her that they were fine and I hadn't really talked to them since Friday when my son called for his sister's cell phone number. He needed to coordinate meeting grounds with her as she was coming in for her cousin's wedding on Friday evening. My mom, quite nonchalantly said, "so, I guess TAZ stayed with you?" And I told her that TAZ stayed with her dad. My mom was blown away by that as she believes that when my daughter comes in, she naturally stays with me. When I corrected mom by saying, this was not a function on my side of the family and I am sure that she needed to catch up visiting her dad and his family, mom couldn't understand. I explained to her that my ex, though we are divorced, is still TAZ's dad and always will be as I was the one that chose to have TAZ with him. It was my choice!! "But," mom continued, and I stopped her. I hold no bitterness towards my ex. I am not, however, gonna sit here and tell you that I never did.. how the frik ludicrous would that be? But there comes a time when you have to realize, why stay angry? Is it really helping you in life? Is it bringing back your past to relive over and do it better this time around? Will it give you back your previous life before that person entered? Don't know about you.. but my answers to each of those questions is a resounding "no".. .so, WHY DO IT? Can't come up with one single answer that would make sense.. so I drop the subject and move forward with the rest of my life... simple really!!!
I understand full well that I am divorced, hell, making ends meet each paycheck is a constant reminder of that! But, I guess what is hard for me to fathom both in this circumstance and in others in life is .. what is the purpose of holding on to the hatred of someone? I mean is this really going to bring happiness back to you? If someone hurts you, betrays you, maligns or otherwise does something to you that is not life-threatening, do you hold onto the anger of the hurt, do you wish something bad will happen to them, do you constantly throw pity parties for yourself repeating to anyone in ear distance how badly you have been treated? How much your life is falling apart because of the heinous acts perpetrated by the guilty party? And, listen, I understand, it sucks to be hurt, it feels like shit to have your feelings walked all over time and time again, it smacks of unfairness when you think that someone involved in the altercation can walk away without a proverbial scratch, but what the hell are all those thoughts and emotional dead weight doing to enhance your life, to make it better, to give you back what you believe you have lost, to ease your pain? I HAVE A NEWS ALERT... NOTHING!!!!!!
I know it has been said time and time and time again (ad naseum) but to drag on the hurt, to advertise it to all to see, to beat your chest and wail, to throw yourself your little pity parties.. what the fck good is this doing? What is it accomplishing? Did it get those years back? Did it make you loved and revered by the people that were forced to listen to your bullshit time and time again until their eyes rolled to the back of the heads the entire while that you were repeating your horror stories about how badly maligned you have been, how hurt so-and-so made you -- do you not realize that the person forced to stand there and hear this lament for the bazillionth time was humming the tune of the William Tell Overture and really not paying attention to your words????
Stop the insanity. We are big boys and girls. The mistakes that have occurred in our life, we all had parts in them.. whether active or passive, we were still on stage. The serenity prayer is applicable here. You learn to have the courage to change what you can (stop the frikken whining about how brutal others are to you and stop the spreading of the hatred you feel in your heart.. just frikken stop it) - the serenity to accept what you cannot (and this means stop complaining!!!!) and the wisdom to know the difference!!!!!
Today is Sunday.. it is the day that the Father rested and I believe that all anger, bitterness, "he/she said", "he/she did", and playing with hearts and heads should take a cue from the Heavenly One and take a rest.. they may find that the rest is good and want to permanently keep it in their lives.. OR NOT...
Choices.. that is what it boils down to... choices....
and for gramps: Three men on a hike:
Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large raging, Violent river. Needing to get to the other side, the first man prayed:
'God, please give me the strength to cross the river.'
Poof! .. God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice.
After witnessing that, the second man prayed: 'God,please give me strength and the tools to cross the river'
Poof! .. God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs and he was able to row across in about an hour after almost capsizing once.
Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed: 'God, please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross the river'
Poof! .. He was turned into a woman. She checked the map, hiked one hundred yards up stream and walked across the bridge.
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read more blogs!
Blogs by luvshorses644:
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| Choices.. on this day of rest.. I am off to the ballgame to root, root, root... |
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PullMyFinger
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May 4 @ 8:46AM
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Fascinating....They become the one they so despise don't they?
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ragtopcookie
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May 4 @ 8:48AM
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i read your blog and i do agree with you ......but i do have one point to make.....and its a point just for me........now that my kids are almost raised......the last ones about to graduate high school.......their mom wants to be my buddy.......and i do agree with what you have said here......but in my case......after the last one has left home......i dont want anything to do with their mother.....i wont use the term ex.....and i only use the term mother to say she gave birth to them.......over the years.....ive raised them...they lived here with me.....and after almost a year of talking to her...i had to garnish her wages just to get the court ordered support she was willing to pay to help raise the kids.....i want you to know...its not bitterness that makes me this way......i was lucky to get away from her when i did and she gave me both kids cause she knew she didnt want to raise them.......so im grateful for her selfishness on that part......and i can be in the same room with her and carry on as if theres nothing going on......as fake as it can be......but now...my kids are old enough to deal with her themselves and i no longer have to......we are divorced and i want it to stay that way......i talked to both kids about this and they understand why i feel the way i do......over the years they have not only seen it....they had to live it as well.....shes their mother when she wants to be......and im their father all of the time........cookie
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LaughTillYaPuke
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May 4 @ 9:14AM
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but what the hell are all those thoughts and emotional dead weight doing to enhance your life,
Not one damn thing sister. Not one damn thing.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again....
We only have control over ourselves and our own actions.
~*~ 
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Mission_Impossible139
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May 4 @ 9:28AM
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i want you to know...its not bitterness that makes me this way.
You were a lucky man with your children. And as to why you don't want to be friends with her I totally understand. I look back, not with bitterness towards my ex but with gladness that I've been away from her for so long and when I do see her, I ask myself: "What was I thinking?".
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fenderchick
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May 4 @ 9:33AM
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...I'm almost speechless so it's a good thing I can type. This blog has parts of me in it, I swear.
I have been been unnable to let go of things in the past, but when you actually do, when it ceases to affect your daily life it is so freeing, so exhilarating...you don't want that feeling to stop.
...People do get so fed up of listening to regurgitated blah blah everytime they see you they will avoid you.
Really good blog, thank you.
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sciurusniger
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May 4 @ 9:40AM
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It's all about the choices....
Really good blog.
~*~
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Slohand_47
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May 4 @ 9:42AM
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To me, the whole point of getting the divorce is to stop the conflict. Why some people keep fighting "after the bell" is beyond me.
My liberation day was the first time I hung up on her. It was a couple months after the split and she was yelling and screaming about something and I told her to calm down and talk in a quiet and respectful tone or I would hang up. She didn't, and I did. IT was a FREEING experience. I did NOT have to take that any more. 2 Min later, she called back, yelled a couple times and then hung up on me before I could say a word.....lol .... but the point did hit home. After that, she did communicate better and I only had to hang up one more time for her to learn that I was no longer a target.
Really, the best revenge is to just be happy in your life and prosper. Spock had it right.
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oceanlover734
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May 4 @ 10:02AM
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But there comes a time when you have to realize, why stay angry? Is it really helping you in life?
In the beginning of my divorce I remember thinking something. You know how everyone you come across ask how or what is going on? It drove me frigging crazy because it felt like I was having to relive the pain each time. Even thought about writing what was going on and making copies to hand out lol. I realized then it was not in my best interest to continue talking about it and stopped. Super good blog sis. As PMF so wisely said (whats up with that  ?) they become the one they so despice. Oh and what an awesome quote to go with this blog! ~*~
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teddybearagain
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May 4 @ 10:41AM
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Choices.. that is what it boils down to... choices....
~*~
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redtigr
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May 4 @ 10:53AM
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Your words bespeak great wisdom.
it sucks to be hurt, it feels like shit to have your feelings walked all over time and time again, it smacks of unfairness when you think that someone involved in the altercation can walk away without a proverbial scratch, but what the hell are all those thoughts and emotional dead weight doing to enhance your life, to make it better, to give you back what you believe you have lost, to ease your pain? I HAVE A NEWS ALERT... NOTHING!!!!!!
Too many people make their lives all about the bad things that happen to them. They latch onto bitterness, they dwell on pain and sadness and they wallow in victimization. If it weren't for bad feelings and self-pity, they would have little to talk or think about.
It's exhausting to cling to bitterness and hate when peace involves the simplest act.
Just let go.
~*~ ~*~ ~*~
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suzzieq356
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May 4 @ 11:35AM
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Wonderful blog as alway's Lady! Thank you... 
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kattsmeow
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May 4 @ 12:35PM
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I need more coffee. I know that a person needs to let go of the bitterness and all that from the past though.
Ok, I will comment more soon. 
~*~
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PentatonicPunk
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May 4 @ 12:36PM
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to throw yourself your little pity parties
I guess I should keep the story about how I was molested by circus midgets to myself then eh?
*sniffle*
\_____(^)(^)
(_\_--\_\_"o
I left you a thingy...I heard it's replacing 666. It was getting old anyway.
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callmemax
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May 4 @ 5:34PM
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what i didn't see, was,,,,,,,,,,,,,
why didn't your son call his dad for his sister's cell number, since this was related to an event on dad's side.
i don't hate my ex, but neither do i like her. can we say avoidance? i don't need to know when my kid's cousins graduate, marry or have children. they say blood is thicker than water, and her relatives thought she was correct about everything,,, and we know how slanted that viewpoint could be / is. i no longer like her, hate her, or acknowledge her existence, because to me, she doesn't exist. regretably, sometimes memories surface, but they occur less frequently with the passing of the years. bitter? perhaps... or not...
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