The Mother Of All Blogs ~*~ posted 5/10/2008 2:53:33 PM | 26 kudos what's this?     report abuse tagged: mothers, recognition, stupid, people, whatever

PullMyFinger

~*~ Crap, he's at it again. POLICE! MAAAOM! FINGER'S YOOKING AT ME!~*~

So there I was, minding my own business, partaking in this plethora of jocularity in what many of us fondly call the Blogosphere. I went from our favorite Psycho and his ponderings on life, to the sweet sounds of our very own minstrels, Choos, Tommy Tunes & of course, the hauntingly beautiful voice of Wanda-who-isn't-a-fish. I had a fabulous time reading Jen’s new offering, passing over the usual crap that’s dumped on here and increased the volume to Wanda’s offering, jerking my head from side to side like the very best of Night at the Roxy. So violent were my movements that my Detroit Tigers cap was pitched across the room, striking the cat square in the ass, resulting in an awkward moment for Mr. Cat and the baby grand. I don't know what shot out of that cat’s ass, but good God almighty, that boy ain't right. I immediately considered changing his name to the Kolonic Kitty, he certainly needs one. So, being the kind of guy I am, I came up with a solution to Kolonic Kitty’s gastronomically-enhanced tooting problem. Having just made a run to the store, I carefully and ever so thoughtfully duct-taped one of those new Glade Scented Oil Fans to his ass. With that problem solved, I continued reading; found some good stuff here and there, found some interesting stuff to read in the forums and was just basically minding my own biz. Out of the corner of my eye and just within earshot, I heard a barely audible cat “poot”. Gandalf (his real name) went skating like a banshee across the wood floor, wide-eyed and straight-tailed and a very audible “meowRUHROHHHHHHHHHHHHH” escaped from his velocity-bent whiskered mouth while doing the BEST kitty backpeddle I’ve ever seen. Fortunately for Gandalf, the whole incident apparently caused some sort of catbutt-backflow vortex and another audible “squeak” was heard emanating from the opposite end, the pitch and direction of the fan apparently changed and Gandalf was saved from a rather sooty end in the fireplace. Another disaster averted, but if Sci finds out, I’m assured of snacking on soy-flavored boogerettes for the rest of the weekend as punishment. (This is just between you and I, no tattling.)

With Gandalf safe, my attention was shifted back to the point of this fabulous fkng blog - Mothers. I have one, or had one, she’s unfortunately dead now, but her care and love has had an everlasting effect on me. Now, you may think that being sold to a carnival barker for Kings Hockey tickets, left at a Mobil Gas Station at the age of 5, and handcuffed to a circus camel while the rest of my family enjoyed the Big Top is a BAD THING, but it isn’t. My mother just had an unusual way of displaying love. Sure, she was a kidder of immense proportions, but I blame that on her Welsh upbringing. They’re all bloody fkn nuts, ya know.

I was an unusual kid, a kid I wouldn’t wish on anyone. Cute? Yes. Adorable? Yes. Exceedingly intelligent? Yes. And, of course, God-like. But I was a handful, filled with an ego that would rival that of any Byzantine emperor. So I began thinking, what makes a good mom? Well, I can name a few if you’d like. Who am I kidding? I’m going to name them anyway, so blow me. First, you have someone like Sweetheart83446, a wonderful mother who weathered the repeated attacks by a rather persistent Erectile Dysfunctionate. Her son means everything to her; she continually sacrifices the things a young person would love to experience in order to provide the very best her meager means can offer. Then, of course, you have someone like Eternal Flame, a mother who loves her children more than anything in the world and, who like Sweetheart, has weathered the attacks by penis posting pornographers and envious skeezers who know for a fact, they aren’t half the woman she is. Then we must take a gander at one of my most favorite mothers, Jentoblues, who through hard work and tenacity has overcome seemingly insurmountable odds to raise a son in a society that often frowns on those who have faltered. She’s a shining example of what a mother really is; her struggles are a lesson to us all and no matter what direction your life has taken, we can all learn from her. Then my attention is focused on MissChoos, the most original, albeit, confusing writers of all time. She has raised her children to become those who strive to succeed in life, giving them examples they can surely use for the rest of their lives. Her talents have touched the hearts of many and hopefully will continue to do so for a very long time. Then I’m reminded of someone else whom I respect a great deal, Beckyiv4200, a mother anyone would be lucky to have. Becky is strong-willed, extremely intelligent, and possesses a sense of right and wrong that many people have unfortunately, have forgotten or never had in the first place. She’s a mom who’s involved in every aspect of her children’s lives, and it shows. Then, you have my mother’s clone, Luvshorses644. Seriously, I believe with all my heart, my mother snuck up this woman’s ass somehow and implanted everything that she ever was - caring, loving, intelligent, compassionate and in possession of a really fkng odd sense of humor. Then you have FenderChick, “How I love you, How I love you, my dear ol’ whack-job”, you’re almost as awesome as I am, someday maybe, someday. I fear yet look forward to when Mini-Fen starts writing.

(Continued in Comments)

Copy & paste to friend: (Click inside box; Ctrl + C to copy; Ctrl + V to paste)

Blogs by PullMyFinger: Psssst...C'mere, I Have Something For You..shhhh. The Mother Of All Blogs ~*~ ButtinskiBeGone, A Revolutionary New Product, Available NOW!!!! Little House On The Prairie Meets JASON!...cue music. BLAMESHIFTERS! Coming soon to FOX! Errrr...I Don't Know About You, Butt...~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ATTENTION! People Of Earth ~*~ ~*~ The Dog & Pony Show, Warez Hell..... Say What You Will...An MD Success Story~*~ Semi-Quarterly Drive-By Blog Extremist Muslim Athiests Claim Responsibility For So Cal Fires... Pine Tarred & Corked, Crowding The Plate... Give Them Enough Rope And.... * Plate Spinning Monkeys Riding Tricycles...* Close Quarter Combat…I Was There* Memorial Day? My God's Better Than Your God.... Blogapalooza & The Flatulent Forums... Pilfering Yellow-Bellied Bushwankers.... Chain Saws, False Messiahs and Snake Oil Salesmen.... Butt Sniffing & Nazi Dudes.... Vicar in a Tutu...A Conversation with God.... My virtual world has crumbled, I'M LEAVING!!! Goodbye! One step away from roadkill, a squirrel's tale.... Forgiveness and Understanding