Daddy's Girl posted 5/14/2008 8:18:16 AM | 22 kudos what's this?     report abuse

LaughTillYaPuke

We called it the pink house, well, because it was pink. It may have been red at one time, but had faded to the most wonderful color any little girl would love. It was in rough shape, no running water yet, and daddy is currently running wires. Just another day alone with dad.

There was an old rusty, crusty jungle gym erected under the most incredible weeping willow. So I grabbed a book, hung upside down by my knees and started to read. (only a little kid can pull that off.) I don’t know how long I was out there, I only know that I could HEAR daddy working. Strange how some memories are just so potent. I looked down from my book, and there was a dog.

The rest happened very quickly. He grabbed me by the head, yanked me off the jungle gym, and once he had me on the ground, pretty much went to town. I don’t think I screamed or anything. But I fought like hell. When it was finally all over, I got up and my face stung, and things looked "strange". Off to go find daddy as I felt more than a bit like crying. But was afraid, as I had wet myself. But needing to be comforted outweighed my shame, and I went down to the basement to find him.

It was one of those wizard of OZ basements that you can only get to from outside. Big double doors that you flung to the sides. I can only imagine what I looked like at the bottom of those steps, with the light coming from behind me. He swore (f***), something I have NEVER heard him do before, and of course I began to cry. He grabbed me and ran up the stairs to the truck.

It was an old beast of a thing, with a column stick shift. But I loved it, as it was always warm and smelled like him. You’d have to be a girl to appreciate that I think. It seemed we drove forever. I put my head in his lap and dozed off while daddy yelled and rubbed my back to keep me awake.

When we finally got to the nearest hospital, they tried to take me away from Daddy. (Good luck with that) But of course he stayed. And when they strapped me down on the table, I think that was the first time in my life that I knew fear.

Things were pretty grim. My left ear was hanging by the lobe. My left cheek was torn open from my hairline, to the corner of my mouth, and back up to the inside corner of my left eye. You could see straight into my mouth, and the fact that he managed to eat 3 of my baby molars. A couple of broken ribs, and my arms were fairly chewed up. From stories that I later heard, it was the fact that I had shoved my fist down his throat and kept kicking that probably saved me. Tattoo's of teeth marks all the way up into my arm pit.

Unfortunately, it had taken us such a very long time to get to the hospital, that my flesh had already begun to die. They never numbed me, just went right to work. I remember the doctor telling me that something was going to hurt and just be brave. But Daddy said that it was going to hurt like hell, and that I should scream if I wanted to. Having the dead flesh cut off was incredible pain, and I did my father proud by screaming to the high heavens. My dad said he stopped counting at 148 stitches. There was no fear after the cutting, just a great deal of pain.

But here is the important part. He never left me. And believe me, they tried to force him to go. I could see him the entire time, and his hands never left my body. I don’t know how many hours we were in there, but he sang to me the whole time. He sang and sang and sang.

Years later, one of my brothers told me that once dad got home from the hospital, he went to a friends house and borrowed their shotgun. Drove out to that farm and shot that German Shepherd dead on the front lawn. Cut it's belly open and dug around until he got my teeth back. He put them in an Anacin tin and carried them with him the rest of his life.

And for the next nine years, he would rub oil on my scars and tell me that I was beautiful. Now I come from a family of beautiful women. My mother was a Chanel #5 girl, Deb was a cover girl, and Becky modeled for Sports illustrated. And the boys are nothing to sneeze at either. So I was never the beauty of the bunch. But I never doubted what my father said. Even as a teenager, I knew that he was always talking about the real me, and not what other people saw. I was alright with who and what I was.

But the thing is, how does a man EVER compete with that. Once a girl has known unconditional love? To always feel safe, beautiful, and loved. It was all I had ever known. They say that a girl looks for a man like her father. Well, I don’t think she wants him to LOOK like him, just re-create those same feeling and emotions.

To not have doubt. To be able to walk through life feeling loved right down to your core. Someone who enjoys being with you. Would give their very life for you. Knows all of your faults and quirks and STILL thinks your pretty damn great. That when they do have a bit of free time, they seek you out with a smile on their face. That can love you in spite of, or perhaps because of your scars. Probably not very realistic, but there you have it.

Ten years later I was to go rock climbing in snow canyon in Utah with my dad. Being an irresponsible teenager, I never tied off my ropes properly and dropped about 20 feet and slammed my face into a rock wall. Broke my nose, and split my eyebrow open. But the point of that story is, the whole time I am whining and crying about my face and how bad it hurt, dad was hanging onto my rope with one hand. A 100 pound pendulum, kicking, crying and swaying in the heat.

He saved my life again. But this is the song he sang to me for hours on end...

It was so right
It was so wrong
Almost at the same time
The pain and ache
A heart can take
No one really knows
When the memories cling and keep you there
Till you no longer care
You can let go now

A song of love is a sad song,
Hi lili, hi lili, hi lo.
A song of love is a song of woe.
Don't ask me how I know.
A song of love is a sad song,
For I have loved and it's so.
I sit at the window and watch the rain,
Hi lili, hi lili, hi lo.
Tomorrow I'll probably love again.
Hi lili, hi lili, hi lo.

It's wrong for me
To cling to you
Somehow I just needed time
From what was to be
It's not like me
To hold somebody down
But I was tossed high by love
I almost never came down
Only to land here
Where love's no longer found
And I'm no longer bound
I can let go now

Hi lili, hi lili, hi lo.

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