The Age of Reason posted 5/20/2008 5:00:20 PM | 12 kudos what's this?     report abuse

LaughTillYaPuke

I am 14. Frustrated. Tired. Sick of the madness. I cannot stay here any longer without becoming one of them. I can feel it. Their anger and rage passing from her bloodline to mine. And like the gazelle being chased by the lion, my animal instinct of survival is on high alert. It's time to run.

I find a school about 3 hours away. I'm careful, I know this will be my first time away from male protection. I must choose wisely. Safety first. It would not do well to get my freedom only to be eaten by another predator. I choose a Christian school. Something I am not. But they have a dorm and that will give me a large amount of protection. Tuition is $11,000.00 a year in this grand year of 1980. But I am 14. Invincible. I will figure something out.

Many telephone calls later, I would hitch hike out there for an entrance interview and fail to pass their entrance test by two points. It is a failure I cannot live with. I study like mad for 2 months and hitch hike back out there uninvited. I knock on the principles' door and request to take another entrance test. She informs me that while this is "quite unethical" to administer another test. Unfair to the others. She will allow me to take the test. It will cost is another $150.00. She is 4'8 inches tall. A good 200 pounds and waddles when she walks. One look and you know you don't fvck with this woman. I stand my ground, look her in the eye and state that I am well aware of that and I do not have $150.00. I mentally remind myself to scrape my keys along the beemers in the parking lot.

I am put in the corner of her office, the only sound the ticking of the clock and the scratching of her pen. She hands me the exact same test. I look at her and actually think something nice about her. If I can't pass it the second time around, I know I don't belong here.

She is an exceptionally astute woman. She has noticed my worn out clothes and probably the fact that there is no one waiting in a car for me. I didn't just fall out of the sky. My entrance forms are filled out with no parent signature. I learn later that there are three separate tests that could have been administered. She chose to give me a repeat. One can only assume she was rooting for me. I test in the above average/gifted range. She and I both know that I am not. I do not know what this means.

She hauls out more forms and God help me, I had barely figured out all the other ones. I can apply for scholarships with test scores like mine she says. A great deal is offered from benefactors and alumni of this grand old school to gifted students. I don't know what all this means, but I get the gist that we are talking about free money here. But I have lived with scammer brothers and I know nothing in life is free. “What's is gonna cost me?” I ask her.

"You mean what is it going to cost me, don't you Miss. Roberts?", she fires back at me. (Roberts is NoT my real last name) the battle lines are drawn and I am stubborn as a mule. But she has something I want. Badly. I can choke back my retort and comply. I've lived with a bigger battle axe than this for 14 years. There is nothing this woman could dish out that I couldn't laugh at and take laying down.

Nothing less than a 3.33 average in each class. Not overall she stresses. One class cannot bail me out of a poor performance in another. And I must maintain a overall GPA of 3.75 at the end of each quarter. I know damn well I can't do that. But there are some times in life you should just lie to get what you want. "Deal", I tell her. She promises to contact me within one week to tell me how much scholarship money she is able to get me for next year. I should be back on campus within 17 days to prepare my room and acclimate myself to the campus. Tardiness is not allowed. No pants except for after 3 p.m. weekdays and on Sundays. Dresses or skirts must be worn at all other times. And oh shit, I'm in trouble. I've been buying my own clothes for at least the last 3 years. I own next to nothing.

She strongly suggests that I make a deposit of no less than $300.00 into my cafeteria account as all three meals are served down there every day. I won't be eating on campus I inform her. And for the first time in my life I have committed myself to something bigger than me. So large that there is not one part of it that I can possibly comply with. I have no clothes. I have no money for food. All I have for my very own is my desire for a better life and a desperation to survive.

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