I know I am an outsider. Out of your sight and out of your mind. As you read this I will be but a fleeting blip to your life and mental processes. I am an outsider to the people I do know and an outsider to what is left of my family and perhaps even when they were alive I was still the unconsidered one.
I do not seek your approval or condemnation of what I write here. I am seeking help from the medical services and books. I am on drugs to try and help me get over my intentions of suicide. So it is doubtful that any comments you make to this blog will be of any use because I am an outsider.
I KNOW this to be true by the way people look at me. I know this by the response to my questions and conversation. I know this from the net and real life. I know this by the way people and life treat me. I am outside of feeling in touch with humanity. I know your what your comments to this blog will probably be.
I can play your games of fun. I can see the sadness hiden inside. I can see the contentment that some cling to fearing to see the whole picture. This is only temporary relief to my being an outsider.
What is difficult to live with is the loneliness and my inability to take action. Even if I do manage to take action it is pointless because I will still be an outsider at the end.
So if you do remember that some of us live outside your humanity do yourself a favour by being happy and learn to look after the world we live in. So far it is the only one we have to keep us alive.
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