The cyber party, for memorial day. posted 5/24/2008 9:36:20 PM | 4 kudos what's this?     report abuse

bardnsage

At 2:00AM, I've just yanked myself up from another nightmare. My feet ache, my shoulder screams, and my back and chest remind me that everyday is memorial day,,,,for everyday I remember.

I slide onto the computer, to catch my breath, and put myself back into a mental place, capable of laying down with myself.

Read over a few posts,,,and,,,f*** YOU {name ommitted}.....dragging me back,,,,,to someplace I don't want to go,,,,,but reminding me that - I NEED TO. IT's overdue......

So, I'll respond to your little email/chat/post/blog,,,,what ever the hell it is. You call it a party, and I'm to post what I'm drinking, who I'm toasting, and what I'm wearing,,,,,,,OK, I'll play your little game.

I don't feel like a party.....
I don't fell like being particularly social right now,,,,


but a toast is in order......so,,,for me,,,, (standing on the back porch, in the dark, listening to the owls, alone with my thoughts) I DRINK,,,,


Water,,,,I lift my bottle of water,,,,and I drain it,,,,turn it over,,,,and show it's empty. This is the tribute drink, for we all drank it, this way,,,,,regardless of service, regardless of rank, regardless of time,,,,it's the drink of the sand.

I bring MRE's, and bacon. One we ate, and the other we dreamed of,,,,,for in it's absense, it reminded us that we were the outsiders,,,,

I drink to all who have battled the sand, but with specail emphasis on a small group of marines,,,,for whom I am enternally greatful,,,,for their sacrafice means that I'm here toasting them now. Their photo sits on the mantel, besides those of my children. My children know they are important, because for not them, they would not be children, they would be orphans.....

I can feel these guys beside me, and hear their voices, as if the last 17 years were really 17 minutes. Their presense always around me, but more pronounced in the dark, as I slilp back,,,

I can feel their strong hands, as they lift me from the carniage that was a truck. I can feel every foot fall, as they run. And I can feel new hands take over, as others let go. I can here a Ma Duece, working, and hear their yells and shouts, and here the sickening sounds of rounds tearing through kevlar.

Blackness,,,,,to awake to a face, covered in dirt,,,,,,,"Oh my god,,,,I'm sorry,,,," is all I remember.

10 years later, I saw the same face, out of my dreams,,,,,at the VA in Asheville. He recognized me right away,,,,,which told me that I was the spectre of his nightmares,,,,,"Oh my God, I'm so sorry",,,,,was all he could say. His hands and lips shaked, as if he were unsure if this were real, or a new nightmare on a theme,,,,and I could see his nightmare racing through him, behind his eyes,,,,,

I knelt to his chair, and grabed the back of his neck, and he grabed mine,,,and we both cryed. No other words were required, for the communication was on an automatic level, from somewhere deep in our souls, like hearing your child cry above the noise of 50 others,,,,it just grabs you, and doesn't let go.

In that moment, history repeated itself, as our nightmares crashed into each other, and our shared split second of time in the past, that created the chasims in our minds that hemoraged sanity for 10 years,,,,suddenly had a real person, from the mist of the night, reaching in to offer a hand, and a shoulder.

How can I party? This year,,,,, I,,,,

So,,

I wear a blouse,,,,it's chocolatte chip,,,

I wear the scars,,,,and they still don't fade,,,,

I wear a tear,,,,unworthy of thier trade,,,,

More than ever,,,,,,

God forgive me for what I've done,
God bless them for what they did.

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Blogs by bardnsage: The Job - Part 2 of 2 - The descision,,,, The job - Part one of two - Friday night tourture.... SIMPLE DRIVING TEST - self administered,,,,, Near Death Experience - 5 minutes ago Visit to the "HOME PLACE". What I learned from a Dad in Logan, West Virgina How's that working for you? Did I get the wrong date.....or what..... I'm no writer,,,,, right? The cinder...... Reoccuring dreams,,,, Procrastination,,,,,,, The cyber party, for memorial day.