Breathe posted 5/28/2008 5:28:34 PM | 27 kudos what's this?     report abuse tagged: passion, writing

LaughTillYaPuke

So a man draws me a mental picture of a flowering bush growing in the middle of a corn field. And as you ponder on it, you wonder if it is the brilliant bush that does not belong there, or if it is the row upon row on neat and orderly corn.

Does one make the other "less". Are the flowers less fragrant for being surrounded by all that noisy dryness. Or is it an intrusion to the utilitarianess of the rest of the field. That the flowers are just so unnecessary for living. That in the end, they could sustain nothing. No one.

It is one of those images that show the weakness or the strengths of the beholder. What I saw in that picture is between me and the one who sent it to me. But it has stuck with me all day. And has caused me to think and re-think many things and recent choices in my life. But for this moment, let's talk about blogs. That is why we are here right now after all.

I have taken more than my share of heat for the things I have recently posted here. Some people have asked for more. Faster. Now. Tell me more. And others have been appalled an my nakedness and ability to pull the curtain aside and let the masses look at this dead body.

I am a bare bones writer. When I decide to lay those holy letters down on paper, I hold nothing back. That is the way I live my life, run my home and love my men. It's all or nothing. Few are strong enough to love a woman with this kind of handicap, and fewer still are worthy of that kind of devotion. I have in the past under one of my many "guises" posted blogs of the raw and gritty nature. The uprising from those were absolutely shocking.

I was told by more than a few people to delete that profanity. That is the way they saw my content. Something not shown to polite company. Like the tattoo on your husbands ass. It was for behind closed doors. I have not posted one of those blogs since I was ColdinWisconsin. What I found truly astounding was that it was the women who roared their approval. I heard more than a few "Amen's" and plenty "tell it sister's" to make it seem worth throwing more out there. It was the men that couldn't handle seeing CIW as a woman who could push the boundaries of polite society.

Let's throw some truth out on these blank pages. I write 10-20 pages a day. Easy. Very few of those ever make it online. And much of it is of the raw and gritty nature. And just when I find myself chafing, pulling at these restraints that the MD society have thrown on me, a door has opened. I have made no secret of the fact that I blog elsewhere. Or the fact that none of them are under any recognizable name. I have done this if for no other reason than to get others opinions on my writing skills. But these other profiles also let me throw 10 pages a day out onto the world. So now I will soon have a new place to throw my raw stuff. The things that you are afraid to see. I have been promised a safe haven to write whatever I choose. No word constraints. No one ever need know who I am.

And I look into this black pool and see nothing but unfathomable depths and my own reflection. It is a frightening and exhilerating proposition. To be offered the opportunity to throw off this tattered blanket and expose people to my nudity, and when my voyeurism is done, wrap it around me like a shroud. To blend back in the woodwork. Slow my breathing, sleep like the dead. Until the words come alive again and I must rise and make them live again. And all that is left for me to do is....breathe.


If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to

Breathe
Anna Nalick

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Blogs by LaughTillYaPuke: Madness and Mayhem As Good as Gone And I Run The Re-Gifter Blogging Innocence Choose our own Destiny....The End We're All in this Alone...Part 5 But Will You Thrive?...Part 4 Castle on the Hill...Part 3 Fear and Foot Prints...Part 2 The Hunt Begins....Part 1 Better than Ice Cream Breathe Body in the Road Always the Hard Thing to Do Blood, Sweat and Tears Coming to an End Elusive Thief House of Cards Gypsy Queen The Gum Tree The Age of Reason Felonies and other Petty Crimes What are You Looking for Rattling the Bones