******
This is for all the mothers with children who think they don't have a father (like my son).
Because.... the fathers are so busy with the "persuit of their OWN selfish happiness" that they can't even send a birthday or Christmas card, let alone a real letter or a gift, or make a simple phone call.
My ex is so busy with himself, and running around with whatever women, and gambling all his money away, that he even "forgot" to let us know his new address. Lately, my son thought he had no father.... and it gets harder and harder to make him believe that his daddy "loves him very much"...
Today is father's day and I try to keep it from my son. This is the last year that he isn't in school yet (where they always do some crafts and stuff for occasions like these) and therefore the last year where I can keep him from having his feelings hurt.
So.... happy NO Father's Day...
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misschoos
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Jun 15 @ 1:20PM
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Today is father's day and I try to keep it from my son.
You shouldn't try to keep it from your son, let him make up his own mind. 
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travelwoman
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Jun 15 @ 1:26PM
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misschoos
Yes, I do keep it from him.... because lately he's had his feelings hurt quite a bit because of the fact that he "has no father", due to recent changes in his day-care and close friends.
I did not need to have it all come up again today. The spot is still very sore...
We're working on the topic, my son and I. I just don't think that this year, he needs the extra aggravation.
As my blog says.... no child needs the extra aggravation. But there are so many men out there who just couldn't care less about the feelings of their children...
  
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BandTMom
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Jun 15 @ 1:27PM
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What is sadder is a boy who knows he has a father, knows it is Father's Day, and in spite of being ignored for the past year, still wishes to contact his father today. 
Technically I don't even know where he is.
My heart breaks for my son even though it is the best thing for him.
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travelwoman
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Jun 15 @ 1:34PM
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bandtmom...
Last year, my son did that craft at his pre-school (a fancy card on which it said amont other things "you are my best dad" or some such thing...  ) and he also made all these extra drawings for his dad.
We put it all in an envelope and I said I'd send it to him.
I carried the card around in my purse for over a week, not knowing what to do with it, because I didn't have his dad's address...
(I ended up sending it to his mother... Don't know if he ever got it...)
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MrPaul
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Jun 15 @ 2:02PM
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I feel for your son, It hurts so much when a parent will not step up to the plate. I raised my daughter from 6 weeks old by myself, her mother was not there for her no matter how much my daughter begged her to be. I taught my daughter to love her mother inspite of her actions, that her mother just loved in a diffrent way. I still have the mother/ fathers day cards my daughter made me growing up. And still remeber her at age 3 saying daddy you are my mommy and daddy and I love you the mostest  Know that not all men are bad and there are good men out there. He will be the looser just like my daughters mother, I had the joy and honor of watching my daughter grow up just as you will have the pleasure of watching your son become a man. Enjoy it and treasure your times together God bless, Paul 
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travelwoman
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Jun 15 @ 2:11PM
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Mr. Paul...
I know, and yes, you are so right...
Ever since ex ran off, I tell everybody who wants to hear me that he may have gone have a "great (= wild) life" the way he chose....
Fine with me, because I have the PRIZE.... right here next to me, and that is my son.
There is nothing better than watch and helping my child grow up. There is nothing more rewarding than being a mother.
The only hard part is being a dad, too....
Isn't it lovely how your daughter made you the mother's day cards? Of course she's right.... and that is the most difficult part in our parenting.... being the other parent, too.
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matisse731
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Jun 15 @ 2:18PM
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That was a wonderful post by Mr. Paul,
I also believe you have to let your kids learn the real facts, according to their age. If you keep covering up real life they won't know how t function in the real world.
Yes, they will be dissapointed but will become stronger adults.
My children had that experience with their dads. I didn't say " Your Dad is worthless" no matter how bad I wanted to. I knew that it would turn into resentment for me later in life. I covered up for many years with my first little girl. I lied my ass off. I told her that he lived far away and would come see her if he could. I made up all kinds of stories. I hated seeing her hurt. Later when she was 12 years old. Her father shows up. She went to visit her dad and his new wife and child. She found out he was such a jerk. I know that hurt her more than if I hadn't made up the lies for him. Then she felt like I betrayed her. And she was right. I should have let her discover little by little on her own. It's a very hard position to be in.
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travelwoman
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Jun 15 @ 2:25PM
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matisse...
Yes, the kids need the truth, and that's what I give my son. I tell him that he HAS a dad and that he doesn't live with us because he chose not to. But I also tell him that his daddy loves him very much...
because... I believe it's true... Only this man's "very much" love is very small, insignificant, because his great big love is only for himself. (That last part, I don't tell my son.... he's only 5 after all....)
I do not make up stuff. My son knows that we don't have an address for his dad, because his dad didn't let us know. But we know he lives in Oklahoma.
I don't make believe that his dad would come visit, or call, or write. I know he won't and don't want my son to wait for signs of love where there won't be any.
But on Father's Day, I don't need to rub it all in especially....
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Latynpoolshark
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Jun 15 @ 6:09PM
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True, children need the truth to a certain extent, however, as a mother our natural instinct is to protect our children and if not mentioning certain things such as fathers day, then by all means do it (or in this case, don't do it). They will figure it out on their own (mine did) and although I see the hurt in their eyes, I know I did the right thing. Which brings me back to when my youngest was about 8 yrs old (she is now 15) asked: "why doesn't my dad want to see me?" When you hear that, so many things go through your mind, as a matter of fact, the first thing I wanted to say was: "that son of a *itch, etc.", but I refrained and simply told her "I didn't think he didn't want to see her, how could he not want to see such a beautiful, good little girl" and ended that conversation with: "he is the one missing out and I am the LUCKY one." That brought a smile to her face and she never really brought it up to me again, although, she may be harboring some feelings she does not want to mention, but that too, shall pass (I hope). She's a great kid to this date.
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dallas1995
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Jun 15 @ 7:26PM
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I am a father 
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ragtopcookie
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Jun 15 @ 7:42PM
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For years i had to deal with my kids about their mother......but still when they were little...i took them out and bought them a card that they picked out for her and they gave it to her from them....and she was still around.....but an every other weekend mom.....and a few phone calls thru the week......but i do feel for you.....and also being a single parent....i feel you have the right to do as you see fit.....untill youve been in those shoes.....who else does?.......good luck.......cookie
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