Generally, on my profile, I will talk somewhere about being a Martian. In some ways, that is meant to be humorous. Just my brand of funny. Many people tend to pick up though that there is an element of more than just a joke there. They’re right. I am largely aware that some of the things I think and feel totally go against the grain of most folks out there and it does make me feel very secluded.
A vast majority out there feel so opposingly strong on certain topics that they treat their opinion like it is fact, because it’s so widely accepted. Concerning the topic on my mind this evening, I’ve heard on several occasions “Of course we all know…” followed by a statement that I completely and utterly disagree with.
I’ve heard even some of the closest people to me do this, and it makes me sick to the core because I know this one thing could keep me from ever rebuilding my life. But I cannot change who I am or what I believe, nor would I want to. My beliefs *are* who I am.
I’m going to get to the topic, but before that, I would appreciate those reading this to keep in mind that I do not need to be cruelly told how wrong I am, and how horrible of a person I am for what I believe. That has happened on many occasions. I’ve listened to the arguments from every direction, but this is my way of looking at things.
The statement that so gets under my skin is this: “Everyone knows children come first.” Another similar way of stating it: “My children are and will always be the most important people in my life.”
Ok, now can we all calm down and breathe? Yes, I have two children myself, who I love dearly.
*BUT*
Not *everyone* believes children automatically come first. Where I do agree with the general population is that yes, children and their single mom/dad *ARE* a package. Love one, love them all. No, I most certainly would not date or befriend someone who could not love my children given time.
I have a definite feeling that as far as relationships between humans are concerned, the marital bond should be nurtured first and foremost. Yes, my kids will take priority over a new boyfriend or friend. I do not have any way to know if that connection will still be there whereas my children will. However in general, a spouse will come first.
A married couple has a deep responsibility to any children involved, whether they be biological or step-children, or a blended combination of both, to show the kids how to grow into wonderful adults. I believe a married couple should act as one and be a united front to help them do so, to give the best example possible. I believe a child should be able to see their mom and dad in a happy, functional relationship, be that together not. To do that you have to take care of and nurture the relationship with your spouse first.
It is sad so many people who have raised their children say they feel empty when their children are gone and I really think the cause of much of this is they spent every spare moment focusing on their children, not any significant time building an even more solid foundation with that person they promised to spend their entire life with.
I do hold that children are a gift and they are irreplaceable and if whomever I find to love one day has their own, that’s great! But, I just think that the marital relationship should be *the* priority once it is formed. Knowing the hostility some people hold for the way I feel, I am starting to think not a soul out there identifies with how I feel on this subject. Hopefully someday, someone will prove me wrong.
No, this blog didn’t come out of the clear blue sky either. I hope a few of you remember what I’ve said when you’re writing in the forums about how “*Everyone knows children come first*” and “Anyone who doesn’t believe children always come first is a bad person.”
If this offends you, just remember I’m not asking anyone to change their mind or opinion by any means, just expressing my feelings in a far less offensive manner than many state them in public group conversation.
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