Seems that there are times I hear that phrase all the time. I am a good person, I would be a great catch, but I still can't seem to find someone that will see that. Now, this may be something that is my thought only, but I think there are some of us (I raise my hand) that find/or have found themselves at that point in their lives.
You really and truly want to be in a relationship, but yet there you are still making dinner for only one.. you. I have found that there are times I believe I am the one that thwarted those relationships without realizing I was consciously doing so. So I make lists when I find that I feel this way and think of reasons that I may be the very person that is keeping that committed relationship at arms length.
I know there are those of you that read that and are rolling your eyes, and there are those that are sitting and thinking .. "frik, here she goes again, spouting off like she knows what the hell she is talking about".. first let me give you a heads up.. I KNOW I don't know a hill of beans about a whole bunch of things on this earth, but I can, once in a while, if I squint really, really hard, find my way outta my own paper sack and see what I am doing wrong.
This is life and we are all busy.. and sometimes, yep, sometimes we are guilty of putting too much on our very own plates and blocking that path that could be open to the one person, the one relationship we have desired so much. We all say we are open to new relationships, but are we willing to make room in our already full plate lives for one? Have you ever had one of your coworkers ask you to join them after work someday and have a drink or go out to dinner and in the back of your mind you think about some unfinished project you have and beg off? All the while justifying this in your own mind by thinking as soon as I get this done, I will have more time to really look for someone special.
We need to make more time for ourselves in this journey to find our last committed relationship. Ask yourself if you really do want this relationship? If the answer is yes, then go about making some sort of plan to accomplish putting yourself in more social settings so that you can meet other people.
And once you start dating again, take some time to get to know that person. Don't decide too quickly if there is an interest on your part. Most of us aren't really good at making that first impression a killing one... give your date time to show you who they really are. And if the first date isn't really memorable, take the risk of going on that second date, perhaps that person that was a little nervous will be less so this time around and will open up more and allow you to see who they are inside.
Are we truly commitment-challenged? Have you ever been in a new relationship and at the first sign of uncertainty, we start thinking the relationship is doomed? I think if you weren't uncertain that would be something to worry about. I doubt there are a big number of people who are 100% certain of their relationships. Give yourself a little wiggle room here.
Stop trying to think about 5 years into the future once you find someone you enjoy spending time with. None of us are born with a crystal ball that gives us all the answers. If you keep worrying about the future, you are never going to have a present time to live in and enjoy the person you are with.
I have made a turn in my life to trying hard to overcome these commitment challenges and I am looking forward in life to sharing it with someone that will enjoy sitting in the absolute quiet of the evening with me watching fireflies and smiling at each other. Someone that will look at me in that moonlight and know that though I am not the best woman in the world, I am a pretty darn nice person who has a big heart and that will be enough to keep him interested and smiling for years to come.
Are you ready for that committed relationship.. come on great person and great catch, get ready to become no longer single!!!
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| You Know that You are A Great Person, a Good Catch, Why Are You Single? |
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daisy315
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Jun 17 @ 11:19PM
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I have no problem with commitment.. I have a problem with people not taking the time to look beneath the surface and getting to know the me that is inside..
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newpatches
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Jun 18 @ 12:09AM
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I echo Daisy....well, mostly anyway. The guys I've met the last 5 years just want a shallow relationship...they don't want to commit nor do they wanna bother getting to know me when they have a whole buffet layed out before them in single sites...they wanna sample it all.
After 5 years of this now I'm the one who runs like hell at the first sign of a guy showing interest....after all...up until now it's just a temporary thing so why should I think this one any different.
Nah..........better safe than sorry anymore.... 
Oh...not that emoticon...I forgot..I QUIT SMOKING!!!!   
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ladybuy2008
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Jun 18 @ 12:27AM
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I enjoy being single, yet seeing a great guy when we both have time. We both have families, friends, work, commitments and like our professionals that keep us busy. We also like taking our time in our relationship - no need to rush anything, even though he does plan quite a few things and I think that is very sweet of him.
I wouldn't call us a "couple" yet, but it sure is fun to have a great guy in my life. I think having a full life keeps us young and happy and healthy. He thinks so too.
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callmemax
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Jun 18 @ 1:06AM
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think the older we get, the narrower our focus becomes. our "past relationships" and what went wrong, sour us to being in a similar position. or not... we've also discovered our "hot topics," the hobbies we most enjoy, and can't really see ourselves with someone who doesn't also enjoy most of these same hobbies. or not... besides being in a relationship is a lot more work, than just answering to ourselves. or not... ... ... happy hunting, mssssssss C~~~~
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Lovinheart445
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Jun 18 @ 4:25AM
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As Max says, and I agree.
think the older we get, the narrower our focus becomes. our "past relationships" and what went wrong, sour us to being in a similar position. or not...
I agree with this as I have recently found out, but was suspicouse of long ago...that the past does seem to get in the way
I so want to be in a relationship, but the woman beside me in my picture has issues therefore we are "only friends" instead of what we could truly be.
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PrettyGreenEyes578
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Jun 18 @ 5:18AM
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First, I must say I truly enjoy your blogs - you do know what you are talking about and you write from the heart about real things. 
I find myself in the same space - my journey has been committed to personal growth and knowledge. Yes, I have learned a lot along the way and I still have a lot to learn. I have made errors that have cost me relationships and I am a person who changes what does not work in my life. I know what I am looking for and it seems very difficult to find (my profile reveals what I am seeking). I will not settle for less. I am not stubborn in my decision, but each of us should figure out what we can live with and what we must live without. I not only want a great partner, I also want to be a great partner to someone.
Experiences can make us committment shy, but on the other side of the coin, I feel we will know what will work for us and what will not, and when we meet the right individual committment will not be an issue.
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edthepoet
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Jun 18 @ 6:49AM
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First, excellent blog and one that I am sure many have said to themselves or have been asked many times by others. I use to be asked that a lot, I would tell them, so only creepy,ugly and losers are left is that what your telling me,lol
Of course not, everyone comes to this site at a different time in their life with many different experiences from past relationships and different levels of accepting what they want out of their next partner.
I am lucky to said that I have found someone who has met what I desire in a woman, but not all that I desire, but that's life,no one is perfect. I am sure my G/F would say the same about me.
One needs not to be drawing the perfect person for them, in reality, love knows more about what you need and want then you will ever know. It's out human flaws that usually get in the way.
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wandaful123
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Jun 18 @ 8:33AM
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How I have missed your thoughts. I see I have a whole lot of catching up to do.
All you have said this girl so agrees with! We empower ourselves when we realize it is us doing the welcoming / blocking of whatever it is comes our way.
I needed to read this, this morn'... thanks Luv...
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Mission_Impossible139
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Jun 18 @ 4:05PM
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I think one giant thing that you forgot was that many of us get so entrenched in our own physical place of residence, it makes it impossible to make a change even if you did find true love. We can reach out all over the world, we can start relationships, we can meet in person, we can fall in love but the idea of uprooting and living away from family and friends makes the idea of commitment a horse of a different color.
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1cebit2iceshy
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Jun 18 @ 9:20PM
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Great blog! 
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redtigr
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Jun 18 @ 9:25PM
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As ever, your words ring with truth and wisdom...
I'm willing to make certain changes... and to make room - but not to become someone else or repeat past patterns.
I remain: single - but serene...
~*~
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luvshorses644
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Jun 19 @ 8:56AM
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I think most of the commentors are right on the money with their thoughts. And as Mission pointed out there is the block of the distance and not wanting to give up family and friends, but I believe that if you are going to become involved with someone that is a great distance from you, before you begin that journey toward having a relationship like that, you should make sure you are willing to leave your present life for a future with someone at the distance before you even start working toward the relationship.
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Sterling555
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Jun 19 @ 6:21PM
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I am a great guy and I am single for many reasons
first, I want a woman who actually doesn't have any tatoos
second, I want a woman who actually hasn't slept with every other man in the world
third.............
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VaPeppermintPatti
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Jun 19 @ 7:46PM
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Great blog, kiddo!
Disclaimer: This is all written tongue-in-cheek and with humor, but some of it is VERY, VERY true. Fortunately there are still the guys out there that don't follow the rest of their male counterparts like an on rush of lemmings over the cliff, and value a REAL woman for her sense, intelligence, and dilligence.
I've heard it, too, that some cannot understand why I'm still single and just such a wonderful person. The world has changed and some folks just aren't with the program.
I have found that most men between the ages of 45 and death have radically changed what they constitute to be a good deal in a relationship and are far more threatened today by women. These men find intimidating a woman that has survived a bad marriage and isn't bitter, raised her children pretty much by herself, volunteers in the community, remained independent, has more than her fair share of walkin' around sense, got an education, financially solvent and a home owner to boot, not afraid to speak her mind or stand up for her and her own, and has experienced life well beyond the 1950's stereo-type, Donna Reed/Harriet Nelson/Barbara Billingsley.
I have found that most, not all mind you, men seem to be most comfortable with a woman that is very needy on ALL fronts. Now men whine and complain about such, but it boils down to a CONTROL ISSUE...SHE NEEDS ME FOR EVERYTHING! I'm not joking either, as I have been told that I'm TOO independent or TOO smart for my own good, and that makes me rather intimidating to the frail male ego. Most men do not like successful women and women who have the where-with-all to prove it too.
Let's nail down these men before I start describing what I've been seeing that they overall consider acceptable. Now these men are all middle-aged or getting ready to head for the nursing home, paunchy as all get out or scrawny as an old dog, balding, teeth if they have them or in a glass in the bathroom, etc. and think that they are the handsomest creatures that walk the planet...GQ material and they cannot understand why Wal-Mart men's fashions are not spotlighted between those pages. I kid you not! What is the kicker in all of this is that these "fine"...yeah, right...physical specimens of maleness have decided that they have to have a woman that looks like she stepped off of Madison Ave, but on the major trashy side...a skank-ho as we call 'em here in Virginia.
The majority of men seem to be looking for the following:
Dependent, Brain-dead Skank-Ho 101
a. Bleached blonde, frizzy-hair and length can go any way.
b. No education exceeding his. Career convenience store employees or Wal-Mart floor girls are preferred, but a secretary or clerical is okay if her boss is a real control freak.
c. No talents beyond his, but must be proficient with knowing how to pop a beer can top, call Domino's, and think that Mickey D's is high style.
d. Not having a pot to piddle in or a property owner.
e. Can walk around functions with a beer in hand and not spill too much.
f. Wears clothing 2-3 sizes TOO small regardless if she's a size 2 or 32 and shows every wrinkle, bulge, crack, etc.
g. Wears every bit of costume jewelry that she can find at K-Mart and especially those tacky silver rings in multiples on every finger...Men think that is HIGHLY erotic...ahem...and at their...ah...ahem...sheesh...clanking and the like.
h. A couple kids and her ex is behind in the support...gives 'em something to b*tch about. This is only if she has kids and is going through a very messy divorce...pity party BS.
i. Purchases all her lingerie at Victoria's Secret and squeezes into that stuff if they aren't big enough. They do prefer bra-less, though.
j. Boobs that make Dolly Parton look FLAT.
k. Knows THE "Get me a beer, b*tch!" LOOK he gives and never has to hear a sound.
l. Wears her make-up like she dragged it out of the crayon box and especially the black eyeliner...the heavier the better. A whole lot on the trashy side or has that "hot tranny mess" thing going on.
m. The morals of a dog in heat and the libido of a bunny rabbit, but she can be a hypocrite and plead she's such a great church goer looking down on the rest of the world...selective morals and discipline in other words. Every other woman is a skank-ho but her.
AND...
n. She has to be linguistically challenged...her fave saying teary-eyed is, "Buhhh--beeeey!"
[Oh, am I gonna get the hate mail now...Oh, well! Go back and read my disclaimer, please, before you write. Okay?]
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imlost2
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Jun 19 @ 8:37PM
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In my best "Larry the Cable Guy Voice: I don't care who ya are, that's funny right thar.
Now on to my situation. Relationships take time, I am not sure I want to commit to all the time it takes to develop them at this moment right now. However, I'm thinking that when the right guy comes along I will. I think that is why I am avoiding them sorta at the moment, not completely tho. That's why I think I am single, haven't quite figured it out, because I do get asked out alot, just not very receptive on my part. I really have no reason for it because they are really nice guys and I shouldn't be that way. I might sit down and think alittle more about it after reading this blog, I don't like being alone, I know that, thanks for blogging. tc Lost
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sloriver
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Jun 19 @ 9:10PM
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It's very simple. I'm waiting for someone special. I'll know her when meet her. I feel her waiting. I'll be patient until the time is right.
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oceanlover734
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Jun 19 @ 10:18PM
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As usual a very good thought provoking blog. I'm sure I've sabotaged a few would be relationships because of many things. Now I'm really okay with not trying either way. What will be will be kind of thinking now,lol. Stop trying to think about 5 years into the future once you find someone you enjoy spending time with. I think that is one of the biggest killers of would be relationships.....our expectations of the future. Not that expectations are all bad but when one is young they usually just flow with it. Older daters want it all right now. Guilty with hands up and knowing better. Anywho thanks for the thoughts ~*~
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mystery2u888
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Jun 22 @ 11:30PM
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 I enjoy my life.....  .......there are reasons for  everything...........and.........there are reasons...  .....that I don't reveal and I will keep it that way.........only those around me know for sure 
great blog again......  xoxo
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