I am grieving tonight. I do not mourn the loss of a loved one through death or seperation but rather a loss of an important part of me. I have lost my job or at least what it once was. I work for local government in an agency that supplies a comprehensive early childhood program to children from low income families. Our program has fallen victim to a huge budget cut. As a result my position will exist no longer.
I will now assume a position of less stature and shortly thereafter will work less hours. Well meaning friends and those who may read this blog may say" be thankful you still have a job" Yes I am indeed thankful , but it does not diminsish the sense of loss and stress I feel. My job meant the world to me. It was not simply a job I committed to for twenty years simply to earn a paycheck. It was a passion, a mission and defined who I am.
For most people losing a job is one of lifes biggest stressors. Feelings can range from mild distress to devastation. My emotions are very strong right now.I feel overwhelmed, hurt, betrayed, anxious, pessimistic, frustrated and humiliated.I feel like I may need professional help to get me through this. I feel trapped, like there's nowhere to turn. I am worrying excessively and can't concentrate.
It is affecting my sleep, my eating habits, and my very being. I think most people understand the need to grieve after the loss of a loved one, few understand the similar impact after the loss of a job.I know like in experiencing a death I need to go through stages before I reach acceptance. I am far from that point right now.
I am so depressed right now , and so terribly anxious wondering how I will be able to meet my financial obligations. I already have a second job. I may lose this job as well. My new hours will make it impossible to arrive at my second job on time. So I weep for my loss of identity, I ache for my three co-workers who are facing the same plight. I am angry at my supervisor who has abandoned us when we needed her most and never tried to fight for us.
On monday morning I will venture into territory that I do not want to be in. I have to put my best face foward for the darling children I will be working with. My spirit has been shattered and I pray that I can pull it off. Thank you all that take the time to read this and chose to respond,
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read more blogs!
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callmemax
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Jun 18 @ 2:22AM
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don't know what words i could say to make you feel better, other than, it's NOT right. sorry you got stepped on.
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lostinmesaaz
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Jun 18 @ 2:31AM
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I am sorry to hear what has happened to you. I do hope the best for you and you will be able to work it out with the people in charge at your second job.
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mystery2u888
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Jun 18 @ 2:58AM
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Dove, I am sooo sorry......  I know many that are going thru the same thing as you........they are changing the names instead of reorganization to reinventing to who knows what...........it is hard to leave your friends and walk away from a job you love and something you enjoyed.........which is hard to find........Many don't even realize the fact.......that people spend more time at there job then they do at home......an that is being realistic........... I hope that you can stay strong and keep positive........your not alone just remember that....  Take it one day at a time and just do the best that you can....I hope that a new job comes your way and that you get a better light to shine on your face once again.....
 xoxo
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ragtopcookie
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Jun 18 @ 4:33AM
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What becomes of us once something that has defined us for so many years has been taken away.......what will we do......what will we be.......we pick ourselves up...dust ourselves off.....and we start all over again.....thats what.....good luck to you in whatever you decide to do........cookie
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nah12
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Jun 18 @ 4:35AM
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I’m really sorry... even though it will be hard and many things will change as you once knew them try to look at this as a new door opening... if you go into this change negatively it will effect you in more ways than what has already happen... i understand it will be a hard task to accomplish but if this is a done deal as you stated then your only other option is to do this and look else where or just leave....
Best of Luck
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cowboy2x4
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Jun 18 @ 6:27AM
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darlin...listen...I work for a division of United Way,and one of America's largest food bank systems,I am here to say....I will pray for you,it will work out,rest assured.
Tim
Lay down,
close your eyes,
hold God's hand,
listen to his words,
enjoy watching the clouds fly by,
open your eyes,
BREATH..........
"You have been BLESSED!"......cowboy2x4/MD
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tboy8
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Jun 18 @ 7:41AM
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I am sorry for what you are going through. Being a high school teacher in this day and age, I wished the government people would realize the importance people like you DO. Instead of our taxes going to illegals, the government ought to get rid of them (or make them go through the legal process of staying here) and utilize funds for positions such as yours. But thats a rant all in itself. I do wish you all the best in finding another position you will enjoy as much (if not more) than the one you had. Im a firm believer that when one door closes, another opens...so hold your head high. It will happen...hopefully sooner rather than later.
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SallyF
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Jun 18 @ 11:01AM
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Dove, what a difficult challenge you are facing. Please check with your employer about their EAP---working through this situation with an experienced 'sounding board' could be a useful tool. Just a thought. Hugs to you!
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missliss78
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Jun 18 @ 11:25AM
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Doves, I am so sorry to hear of your situation.
I know you will somehow make the best of it.
Our society, as a whole, is experiencing very trying times right now.....though some are in denial....I hope somehow those "winds of change" will make another shift for us in the not so distant future.
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ttomtarr
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Jun 18 @ 4:57PM
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Any change engenders stresss.
For what it's worth, I felt the same way when an injury forced me out of my career as a carpenter. A year later I was happier, doing better work, and making more money as an electrician.
The changes you describe are not good, but you can use them to make some gain.
You are much, much more than any job !
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SunBabe
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Jun 18 @ 7:32PM
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~sigh~ I recall reading many times about how you love your job -- your profession...your passion. I'm sure that a portion of that sense of loss is for those thousands of little kids you helped give direction and consistancy to in their early lives.
The potential loss of your second job, though, because of the hours is a double whammy!
Hang in there, LadyDove...and just be your self in the new role -- perhaps even better opportunities will come along soon.
...just remember that you are YOU, not your job. "Missions" can be redirected because of the person, not the job title.
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Dovestreasure
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Jun 19 @ 12:06PM
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I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for all your comments and encouragement. I am trying so hard to raise my own spirits and to look for light at the end of the tunnel. I know it will come in time. My heart is still so heavy and its hard to find joy in anything right now. It does mean more then you know that there are so many kind souls on this site that let some light into the darkness.
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