As with most of my blogs they really have no particular flow and sometimes lead to small rants....so this may or may not be the same. just bear with me.
I'm a single parent to a 5 year old little girl. And I love her very much, as do most parents. But I'm tired of not having a life. And as my mom says..."You should have thought of that before you had kids" And I know she's right...but is it so wrong of me want to go out and have some fun with my friends occassionally? Is it too much of me to ask my parents to watch my daughter one friday or saturday night a week? I understand i made my bed when I left my ex husband and I knew what I was getting into, but beleive me when I say myself and my daughter were much better off getting away from that reltionship. It also doesn't help that I really beleive my daughter rsents me for leaving her dad. She was only 1 when i did, but she doesn't get to see him all too often and i think she thinks that its my fault. Which is isn't. He chooses to only come around every couple of months. Anways....not the point of this.....A friend of mine stopped by a little earlier and he made the comment that all his friends have kids so he can't just grab a friend and go do stuff. so of course I got on the defensive and told him that thats the way life goes at times.
And when I say I don't have a life I guess I should rephrase that. I do have one, its just mundane anymore. I get up, go to work, come home, play with my daughter, and then once she's in bed I get online and fiddle around there. I'm only 26 years old, do i not deserve one night a week or 2 nights a month to just unwind and let loose? Is it like this with all single parents? Am i asking too much? plz tell me if I am...and then i won't feel like i'm missing out on something.
and thats another thing. my parents are always asking me when i'm going to find a guy and date someone and blah blah blah but how am i expected to meet anyone when I don't get out to go anywhere. the only places I go besides work are the park, Chuck E Cheese and little league softball games. and lets face it, the majority of the men there are non-available.
It also doesn't help that of course, like the majority of americans, i'm on a fixed budget. I cant afford a sitter for evenings or afternoons or nights out!!! so if anyone has any suggestions plz let me know!
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buatbu
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Jun 20 @ 10:06PM
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Hey tough shit. You have a kid - you're not a kid. The kid didn't ask to be born. You piss me off. You're parents raise you and they raise a selfish bitch. Try and do a better job with your child I have an 9 year old dog with diabetes. She is blind with cataract. I spend $ 3,000 to get an operation so she can see. No luck. The Vet asked if I wanted to put her down. NO WAY. I took her as my responsibility 9 years ago. You have to take care of your daughter until she is at least 18. If she screws up, it is your fault. Ask her Dad if he wants her. Maybe he will love her
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chevymn
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Jun 20 @ 10:08PM
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I have the same feelings as you. My mother has been most helpful in almost everyway she can. She lets me get away about once every two weeks to chill a bit, but that is because I am working on my house. She already told me if I go to the club she is never watchin' them again. Guess we just have to keep hoping. Sometimes I wonder if I even want to meet someone else after all the lies, cheating, and deceit.
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1cebit2iceshy
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Jun 20 @ 10:22PM
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I raised my son myself from 7 Y.O. on myself. It ain't easy I know. No life. I got to the point of only dating single moms and we would do family type things and include the kids. Maybe look for a single dad to date. Just tryin to help.. Hang in there.
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lazareth
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Jun 20 @ 10:33PM
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It goes with the territory. You have kids, you take care of your kids. I raised my son by myself. I had him when I was 30. My Mom was 50. I left my husband when my son was just a little over one year old.
I never asked my Mom to watch my son. It wasn't her responsibility, she raised her kids.
I know it sucks sometimes.
You can always pay a babysitter if you need an evening out.
JMHO
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cOuNtRyGiRl816
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Jun 20 @ 11:00PM
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Just to clear up a few things that BAUTBU said......I never once said I did not love my daughter!! NOT ONCE! And just so everyone's clear and on the same page.....raising a sick dog is nothing like raising a child!! With your dog, you can leave it alone for a night....with a kid you can't. And i wouldn't even dream of that. I"m a good mom! Regardless of what ppl think! And no matter how you raise your children...you can't keep them from screwing up! Its a live and let learn life! You can't prevent mistakes...you have to learn from them! Im not a selfish b*itch! not in the least!!
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teddybearagain
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Jun 20 @ 11:23PM
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Ohhhhhhh CountryGirl, ... Im a single mom, at 46. I had my kids at 18, 20 and 35. My older kids are your age now, (25 and 27), and they each have kids, in fact my daughter has three boys (twins) 4 and under. We all make our own decisions in this life, and as it goes, ... you have to be responsible for your actions.
My older kids are both single parents. Focus on you and your child now, trust me, ..down the road you'll be glad you did. It's not a question of if you deserve to go out or not, it's a question of why you think you do. I mean, you dealt your own hand, now you have to play the cards as they were dealt to you. After all, you were the dealer.
Now, on a more sensative and understanding voice; .. think of ways to be able to spend some time alone, for you. Is there someone you can trade off watching kids for a night? Is there a local chapter that is "training" kids to be babysitters, .. such as the Y, or a "Mother Mentor" program sort of thing, ..they have those here. Join a play group, .. you'll meet other single parents there, ...then, .. switch off, ... there's a lot of ways you can figure this out, if you just try.
I do wish you the best
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sarina543
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Jun 20 @ 11:27PM
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I'm sorry honey but this is the path you chose. I am in the same boat, I am 42 with 2 kids, and I live with the fact that I cannot go out and have fun. I look at my friends that have married just so that they have a built in sitter, and I will not make that mistake There is nothing I can suggest to you, because my family will not watch my kids so that I can cut lose and relieve a bit of stress. All I can say is find a teen ager that you can trust and pay them. Look I have a 17 year old son and I can't trust him to watch his 8 year old brother(only because they fight so much), so here I sit. I haven't had a date in 4 years. My biggest fear at this point is that I will never be able to get out and meet someone. I hope you find an answer, but quite honestly you need to concentrate on that child, having kids = no life.
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imlost2
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Jun 20 @ 11:44PM
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I have four kids from 31 all the way down to 14 so I have had the responsiblity of children now for 31 years, and still have the responsiblity, try that on for size lol. and not done yet. Still I wouldn't change it if I could. Yes my social life is a struggle. My parents don't babysit, they are my responsibility. I take care of all the problems. But I don't regret any of it. My husband died, Didn't help much when he was alive anyways. Someday I think I will find someone, I'm sure raising them isn't all done in vain, God has given you this gift for a reason, do the best you can for Him and for yourself and for you child. You won't regret it. tc Lost
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jadedbtch
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Jun 20 @ 11:44PM
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Ok girl well there is truth to what your parents are saying and they are saying that becuase they want you to learn a lesson out of it. Do you not have other friends that have children? You could always do a switch with another mother for one night and the next weekend let her go out too! Don't you have a neice or a nefew or a brother or sister that would like to make $10 or $20 bucks? If you have the money to go out then save the money to get a sitter for the night or do something for trade. That was how I did it when I left my ex-husband also. Where there is the will there is the way too! Good luck to you! 
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cOuNtRyGiRl816
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Jun 20 @ 11:55PM
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ok...i appreciate everyone's ((minus the one)) opinion....and I know my responsibilities. And she will always be my number one priority. but all you parents know that one night a month is not too much to ask. I'm not talking about going out to bars and partying....I'm just wanting a couple hours to unwind. If you guys knew my daughter you would understand. LoL. Anyways.....I have no intentions of blowing off my kid so i can party hard....I left all that behind me well before I had a kid. I'm not the partying type. But if anyone here can tell me that since they've had children they haven't had one night or afternoon or morning where they can relax sans children and just chill....then I will let all this go.....but even parents need a break sometimes too. No matter what age you are or the children are. And also, none of my friends have children and my daughter doens't know my brother for her to feel comfortable with him. he's been back and forth to iraq for about 5 years now so she only gets to see him a couple week intervals. As for my sister, she has 2 children of her own so I don't ask her to watch mine. And for the record, I wouldn't ask my parents to watch her either, except they always tell me they don't get to see her as often as they'd like......anways...thanx again.
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ragtopcookie
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Jun 21 @ 2:51AM
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Single parent of two......after i got support garnished from her....i got every other weekend....dated other single parents....and joined a group called parents without partners.....not sure if they are still out there....but they helped me become a better parent....but after fourteen years of doing this....the best advice i can give you is to make some time for yourself....when you can....its important for your mental health.....good luck fellow single parent.....it can be done....and ive done it.....cookie
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invisible1
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Jun 21 @ 6:48AM
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Your daughter is 5, which means she'll be in school soon. Soon after that she is going to make friends, go to sleepovers & as she gets older you will start to see her less & less as she hangs out with friends more.
I worked fulltime, spent mornings before daycare/school, evenings & weekends with my kids since their births (I was married but he was just another kid=no help), & I often wondered if I would ever have a life. I had no friends, only co-workers; I never got out to make friends, & the ex somehow seemed to obliterate any friendships that did exist for a short time.
My kids are teens now, very independent, but they are also my best friends. Looking back I see how my "non-existence of a life" has benefitted the relationship my kids & I now share. If I had to do it all over again I would do the same thing. For my sacrificing of not having any social life when they were younger, I am now reaping the many benefits & it was worth it!
My advice is to cherish the time with your daughter & don't think of it as a mundane life, instead focus on making it a fun life with her as not only a mother but also a friend. I think in the future you'll be glad you did.
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fenderchick
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Jun 21 @ 11:22PM
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Leaving my house to go to work is my "free time", I don't have a babysitter any other time...I know it's hard but it'll be worth it in the long run.
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