I find myself looking for hospice care for my mother today and it's hard to describe the feelings running through my soul. I don't like being this age - I don't like it at all. I see her struggle for breath, struggle to find the strength to bathe, find the energy to make coffee, and it's indescribable agony for me - and for her.
There are so many times I remember her being so strong and filled with life's vigor. When I was about 7 there was the mom/daughter softball game at school. We girls felt like like it would be no contest with the mom's because they were "old". Actually they were a group of 25-28 year olds, having a fun hour with their daughters. Mom hit a home run, and I was secretly so proud of her. I will tell her today, since my pride was holding me back at the time.
I remember when she took up tennis and she was so good at it. One day she went to a tournament and came home so late in the evening. Daddy was wondering where in the heck she was, and the 4 of us kids were chanting "where's momma?". Then, in she came, trophys in hand. I'll never forget the look on her face, how smug and gleeful she was, tossing her dark hair as she showed us her winnings, and all was forgiven - three, no four cheers for momma! She was so awesome!
Once when she was to pick me up from high school she was a little late. I was pitching a fit, expecting curb service and not getting it. Finally she showed up, about 5 minutes late, and to my horror she had a towel wrapped around her head. I was embarrassed because she didn't look "cool", and being 16, I demanded she remove the towel, saying a wet head was better than that tacky towel. So she whipped it off, and there for all to see were little wads of foil. She had left a hair appointment to come pick me up on time. Another smug smile crossed her face along with a little giggle, and I swallowed my apologies due to my mortification. That's something else I will tell her today, another apology I owe her, another laugh we can have together.
There are so many other times she's shown her spunk to the world and had the last laugh. She's always been a strong, independent woman. The one who learned to fly helicopters in her early twenties, just in case they needed her in the war. The one who always had dinner cooking when we got home from school. The one who would hug daddy when he got home, and they would break into a slow dance after that long hug, while we squirmed and smiled.
I need to thank her and tell her how proud I am that God chose her to be my mom. Then I'll explain to her about the hospice care while I hold her hand and kiss her sweet forehead. I will help her face the inevitable. It's the least I can do.
Every day I have her is a diamond in my life.
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Blogs by needa:
| some days are diamonds......... |
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loreal
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Jun 22 @ 11:17AM
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Yes, my friend...being a middle aged woman is very difficult...Studies show, we carry the most weight at this time. My parents too! I understand! Much Love!
L 
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chevymn
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Jun 22 @ 11:20AM
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Thanks for sharing. Your story reminded me of my grandmother. She was, is and will always be my hero.
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LoveME10der2005
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Jun 22 @ 11:44AM
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My mom is 76 and my Dad is 83...both in pretty good health...but I do dread this day.
Prayers for you to help you through...
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missliss78
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Jun 22 @ 11:52AM
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Awwwww, sweet needa...I am so sorry to read that Mom is not doing so well.
I, too, dread the day(s) I may have to go through this. Bless you for being there for her & doing what you see as the best....as she always did for YOU! Much love to you....you & yours are in my thoughts & prayers. 
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suzzieq356
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Jun 22 @ 12:00PM
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Love you girl...
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SallyF
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Jun 22 @ 12:12PM
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A lovely blog....takes me back about four years when this decision was necessary for my Mom. Little did I know how rich and gentle hospice time is---precious moments.
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ceecee1952
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Jun 22 @ 12:17PM
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Needa,
I have been spending more time with my mother as well and I truly felt this blog with all my heart.
bless you.
cc
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pamdemonium
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Jun 22 @ 12:31PM
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Sometimes the hard times...won't leave us alone....
I could have written this. Save for a few minor details, all the same situation
and strangely enough, the same song running through my head. Weird, isn't it?
Wishing you peaceful moments in your heart of hearts.
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OOpsie615
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Jun 22 @ 3:10PM
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Treasure each day each moment my dear friend. I know you love her dearly and will do everything possible to make that happen. I lost my mother when I was 28 and didn't have to go through this but I certainly treasure each day I had her. She was an angel who walked this earth making sure each of her kids had her full attention, hard to do with 11 of us . Many hugzzzzzzz
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MzRed13
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Jun 22 @ 3:16PM
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Warm engulfing hugs Needa. You have written a wonderful tribute for your Mom. Truly a gem. Both of you.
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ragtopcookie
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Jun 22 @ 3:18PM
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Shine on you crazy.......diamond........cookie
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TroutFishing
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Jun 23 @ 7:48PM
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You are fortunate.
Watching my mom play softball, I stood where I
thought it was safe.
Mom threw the bat back and wham, hit me in the sternum and
knocked the breath out of me for what seemed like many minutes.
As a result I think I still have a slightly depressed sternum.
Life is all about experiences. Cherish the good ones for as long as
you can remember them.
 
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tru2you
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Jun 28 @ 7:16PM
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Simply beautiful g/f such sweet memories and I know your Mom will be so appreciative to hear about them now. My heart goes out to you having lost my Dad when I was 35 and then Mom the next year it was the hardest thing to get through but you will be able to do it when the time comes, because you are a woman of courage and strength just like your Mom. My prayers are with you both. xxoo
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