I dance with the Goose Man, Coo Coo Kachoo posted 6/22/2008 2:47:21 PM | 25 kudos what's this?     report abuse

LaughTillYaPuke

6 months. That is how long we have shared our inner most thoughts. Our past. Our dreams and stories of our kids. Slowly tearing down our own walls and placing our bricks together, a bit surprised and stunned that we had begun to build something pretty cool.

And so we began to dance. Begin to talk about the mundane. The things that don't really matter but are funny as hell. He's 6'4, I'm 5'2. I ask him "just how in the hell do you have sex with a man who is 6'4?" He told me to let him worry about that. And that friends and neighbors is as about as sexual as we have gotten with each other.

We have decided we need to meet. Yesterday. So we frantically fire schedules back and forth. We have to dodge our kids. Right now, this is all about us. For us. At some point if we decide we we can make the jump into something more permanent, then we will involve them. My schedule is flexible, his is not. He throws me an offer. Let him pick the dates, I can pick where we will meet.

I know damn well what the right answer is. A bed and breakfast. It's what your supposed to do. Something romantic. Stare into each others eyes and see nothing but the future. But it's really not what I want. And at my age (6 years older than him) I refuse to settle for less than what I want. Let him laugh, run away or just roll his eyes. So I tell him exactly what I want and then resolutely sit there on the phone waiting for him to twist and turn my plans to what he thinks is best.

I want to go to a KOA campground that is smack dab between us. I want to stay in a Kampy Kabin and put flashlights under our chins and tell stories. I want to go to the ice cream social on Saturday and have him push me on the swings. I want to play putt-putt golf and cheat like hell. I want to take a bag of circus peanuts and go watch movies on the big screen behind the playground at night. I want him to put a fire fly in his mouth so I can watch it flicker. I want to make a fort out of the bunk beds and play cards games and cheat to win. I want him to carry the flashlight for me when I have to go tinkle at 2 o'clock in the morning. I want to swim in the pool until our skin is crispy from too much chlorine. I want to drink wine by the campfire and tell my secrets when he can't look me in the eyes. I want to get up in the morning and walk in the woods to write, and have a man who doesn't freak out that I went and did something without him. I want to drink coffee and read books sprawled on the little porch together. I want to not feel rushed. I fvcking want it all.

He says that I forgot the smores. He's all in. Don't forget to bring the Yatzee game and we can put the monopoly on the top bunk so it doesn't get knocked over. He'll bring his computer so that we can write a blog together. Let the world know how a first meet goes as it's happening. A real life play-by-play description. Honest. True to who we are. And if we find out we are nothing more than friends, let's hope it's good friends and we can do this with our kids together. He'll bring his camp stove and cook for me. We can drive into town and do a museum if I want. Find a book store or a library and meet back up after a couple of hours. He's thinking 4 days should do it. We should know in 4 days.

And I'm stunned. He gets it. And he gets me. And he's not just telling me what I want to hear, this is all stuff that he wants to do too. And he's giving me more than 24 hours. No rush. 4 days. Eating, mosquito bites, sunburn, books, writing and laughter. And I'm hoping to God I don't hold his hand and feel like I'm touching my brother. I'm really banking on some chemistry here.

He doesn't care. He's pretty sure neither one of us is going to scream and run. And we talked about one of the threads..."What does sex mean to you". We talk about it. Set firm boundary lines and it's pretty much going to end like a middle school dance. I might score a kiss or two, but either we will feel nothing or be gasping, panting and sitting in opposite corners of that cabin excited for next time.

But he's not afraid to tell the world he's interested in me. Nothing to hide. Home and cell number. Address and directions on where to find the spare key if I want to stop by some time. He's the kind of man that is more worried about me than him. I think he wants me to be happy, but would not be willing to sacrifice what he loves to do it. We are going to have to come together if we are going to be together.

Am I in love with him? No. Is he in love with me? No. Not yet. But the possibility is there. But I did ask him to marry me. Wanted to get that out of the way. And be able to hold it over his head for the rest of his life that I asked first. I have a feeling that a relationship with him would be a hell of a ride and I want to start out with a few points on my side of the board.

Since neither one of us is willing to get sexual with each other until we know, we opened profiles on AMD. And lasted about 5 minutes. We both work off of mine now. Talking on the phone and laughing our asses off answering emails. He loves the fact that most men would vomit on their shoes if they knew a man was writing them back. It breaks whatever sexual tension there is for us. And it allows us to laugh together in our own private world.

And I go to bed wishing I had had another five minutes of his voice. I like his voice. It's kind. Soothing. He laughs allot. And I dream of marshmallows and circus peanuts.

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Blogs by LaughTillYaPuke: We Lived the Same I Dream of real Men The Lint Roller I Live like this all Day Long Ride Hate, Misery, and the relief that only comes from sharing it Strut Agenda's The Cloying Sweetness of Roses Burning a Hole in my Pocket Polka Dot Confection Something Delectable I dance with the Goose Man, Coo Coo Kachoo Words, Blood and the Nemesis Lunch Lady Land Knowledge is Power We forget to live Madness and Mayhem As Good as Gone And I Run The Re-Gifter Blogging Innocence Choose our own Destiny....The End We're All in this Alone...Part 5 But Will You Thrive?...Part 4