Something Delectable posted 6/24/2008 4:17:54 PM | 16 kudos what's this?     report abuse

LaughTillYaPuke

It's me, a student teacher and 8 kids today. He's young. About 23 I'm thinking. Fresh meat. Thank God. I can't work with someone with no sense of humor. It's the second day of summer school and we have decided to make sure they are out fishing 4 out of every 5 days. I force him to wear a Captain and Tenille hat. I'm old enough and bitchy enough that he complies for fear of my rath. He looks stupid as shit and I am in my element.

He thinks we should let them run around with their fishing poles and just reel them back in by honking a strangers car horn. I am the voice of reason and force the kids to wear their life preservers at all times. They have decided that he is the fun one, and I'm the old school marm. 2 kids promptly fall off the end of the pier. I am smug while baiting hooks.

We are about 5 minutes in when the screaming begins. One young girl has scored the first fish of the day. It's about 4 inches long and the way she is holding her pole, it is repeatedly slapping her in the face. It's a beautiful moment and I stop and savor the fresh smell of fear and panic. I go over and grab hold of the fish, have the girls gather 'round. I'm going to show them this ONCE, after that, it's up them whether nature will survive for another day or if it will die a slow painful death while flopping in the sun.

The boys have tackle boxes that weigh as much as my spare tire. And since we have walked the mile to the lake, they are regretting every lead weight enclosed within. THIS is how you learn. PLOP, another child leaned over too far, enthralled with watching their bobber slowly disappear. The Captain moseys down to the end of the pier, grabs her by the back of her life jacket and tosses her onto the grass like a dead branch. I'm impressed. He's laid back and I soon find out he's funny as hell too.

"MUSKIE!", I yell. He's about 3 feet long and in the shallows trying to bake in the sun. 6 bobbers promptly plop onto his back and nose. He is unimpressed. I hear laughter from behind me. Two older gentleman are sitting at a picnic table ignoring their chess game and are now enjoying our kids for all the entertainment they provide. Good for them. They last about 5 minutes and are soon down on the piers with us, baiting hoods, untangling lines and removing the fish hook from the back of my shirt.

They chuckle over one of my favorite boys. He is in coke bottle glasses, baggy shorts, black socks and velcroed sandals. He's beautiful in an totally nerdy kind of way. With the defeated hump in his shoulders and occasional hits from his inhaler, you can see exactly what he will look like when he is 40. He walks and talks like Eeyore. He is an absolute riot to be around, but I think being married to him in 20 years would be flipping hell.

We last less than an hour and the boys are freaking the girls out with little craw fish. The screams are utterly satisfying. My student teacher is off in his own little world, fishing under a tree. With that stupid hat on. I'm liking him more and more. The boys run past him and he effortlessly reached one hand out (while casting) grabs the crawfish and throws it back in the lake. He never blinked. I have decided he is marriage material and am rifling through the single women I know if my head. He's blond, cute, funny and great with kids. He NEEDS to be married off. Somebody needs to help him.

We make it another half hour and the boys are assuming painful and awkward positions. Guess they shouldn't have spent 15 minutes at the bubbler before we left. They have miniature penis's, they aren't my problem. I see one of the chess players point into some bushes and gently shove the kids toward the brambles and mosquito's. I pretend not to see. The girls are out-fishing the boys 10-1, and the male ego's aren't holding up well. They come over to see what we are fishing with. Bobber's and bubbalicious bubble gum. It's the color. I swear to the effectiveness of bubble gum. Pan fish love it. We refuse to share my secret stash.

It is soon time to head back. We are hot, the children smell, and we have accumulated quite the crowd. And we seem to have added a few extra kids to our crew. The kids recognize me from school. They know I won't send them away. The two older gentleman want to know if we will be back. Tomorrow, my Captain says. And plans are made to meet back there Tomorrow. Same time, same place. The "grandpa's are bringing their own poles Tomorrow and I think this is going to be the start of something great. They looked a little bored, the kids will spice up their life. And the Captain and I would like to be able to fish a bit ourselves.

We agree that this is the best gig ever. We are actually getting paid to do this. We decide that on Friday we are bringing hot dogs and marshmallows to feed the kids with. Try using them as bait too (the food, not the kids) And now, I need to find a nice young woman that likes to fish. Tell her to wear her bikini tomorrow and see if she can't reel in something delectable to eat for dinner.

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Blogs by LaughTillYaPuke: Out of the Ordinary Magic 8 Ball I Dream of real Men The Lint Roller I Live like this all Day Long Ride Hate, Misery, and the relief that only comes from sharing it Strut Agenda's The Cloying Sweetness of Roses Burning a Hole in my Pocket Polka Dot Confection Something Delectable I dance with the Goose Man, Coo Coo Kachoo Words, Blood and the Nemesis Lunch Lady Land Knowledge is Power We forget to live Madness and Mayhem As Good as Gone And I Run The Re-Gifter Blogging Innocence Choose our own Destiny....The End We're All in this Alone...Part 5