I went to a Leisure Learning seminar many years ago on how to marry the rich. The woman teaching it was a good speaker and the course was fun. She had a lot of good points just about dating to offer. One of the standouts was about what you tell about your exes.
Her advice was "Never, never, never tell anyone about how badly you were treated in your past. The thinking is that if s/he loved one who can treat her that badly, how can I know I am loved more unless s/he loves me when I treat her/him even worse?" (OK, not a direct quote, but the gist of the message.)
I really do not know anyone who has never questioned whether they were truly loved by parents, siblings, spouses, friends, God... Most of the people I know grew up in dysfunctional families of one type or another. So we question whether we are loved or even lovable...and we put out our tests. Unfortunately, most of the tests are designed to prove our doubts. Even if our lover should pass the test, we will design tougher and tougher tests because underneath our mask of worthiness is the knowledge of the truth that we were taught by equally insecure parents, siblings, spouses, friends...and the fear that our secret will be revealed and the lover will reject.
When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a (wo)man, I put away childish things.
Much easier said/written than done...
(More discussion in the forum,)
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read more blogs!
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bardnsage
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Jun 27 @ 1:00PM
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When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a (wo)man, I put away childish things.
Ummmm, you mean like, "Do they love me tests"?
Life puts out enough tests on everyone, so manufacturing more is pointless,,,,,
For instance, when I find out I've been the subject of a "Does he love me" test,,,, that person has failed the "mannipulative, low self esteem" test.....
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lacyvsq
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Jun 27 @ 1:13PM
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For instance, when I find out I've been the subject of a "Does he love me" test,,,, that person has failed the "manipulative, low self esteem" test.....
So true...that is why I say that the tests are designed to prove the doubts. ...and then, why would one have a "manipulative, low self esteem" test?
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Ginstl
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Jun 27 @ 1:18PM
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why would one have a "manipulative, low self esteem" test?
Because one has been asked to prove his love by jumping off a very tall bridge!
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lacyvsq
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Jun 27 @ 1:26PM
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^^^^^ That sounds like a very efficient way to lose the love you thought to gain...
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beachnutRU
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Jun 27 @ 10:11PM
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Even if our lover should pass the test, we will design tougher and tougher tests because underneath our mask of worthiness is the knowledge of the truth that we were taught by equally insecure parents, siblings, spouses, friends...and the fear that our secret will be revealed and the lover will reject.
I wonder "if and when" the testing ever stops.
Great thought blog. I have had that kinda day all day. Thoughts pop in and out and I assign them nothing other than ....there it goes.
I did know that my parents and even sibling loved me but often have wondered about my "lovability level" in relationships even though I knew, in most cases, I was the one that pulled the plug.
That just doesn't make sense does it Ms VSQ?
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