Dear Residents of Riverwood,
I probably should have written this this morning, when I was angry enough to really put effort into this letter, but I was too busy being late for work because I had to wipe the mud (or feces, I opted not to sniff and find out which) that had been artfully swabbed all over my car windows.
I have lived in this neighborhood for 8 years now. I have driven slowly past your children that refuse to move out of the road, even stopped and waited patiently while they finished their games of road basketball, hockey, or just stood there talking, taking up the road, and glaring at me as I waited for them to let me pass. I have nodded in a neighborly fashion to anyone that acknowledged me as I drove past. I've been a courteous neighbor, neither having late loud parties, nor complaining about certain neighbors' lack of property care. All in all, my credo has been, "Do unto others as you would have done to yourself." So, I've existed here, bothering no one, for 8 years now.
In return, my property has been slowly destroyed, vandalized, stolen, and just plain ransacked. My garage has been broken into so many times, I can't even begin to keep count. (Whoever stole my Giant Stuffed Mickey Mouse Souvenir from Disneyland.. I hope you're enjoying him and taking care of him.. he's 10 years old and my grandmother bought him for me just before she died.) I've decided to take solace in the fact that someone, somewhere has a very pretty garden, as my plants go missing regularly, as do any garden flags I dare to hang out.. even the stands. My dolphin fountain has been seen by me for the last time I'm sure.. I hope whoever has it now is enjoying it.
To whoever backed into my car (and didn't feel it necessary to let me know) as they were leaving a party a few years ago.. thank you. I didn't need the $1100 it took to fix that car anyway. What would I have used it on? My mortgage? Medical bills? It was much more fun to give it to my mechanic, who I'm sure used the money wisely. My front door has been paintballed.
I've been awakened at 8:00 on Saturday mornings by everything from Girl Scouts selling cookies to dirt bikes blaring down my street. I've been awakened in the middle of the night by screaming adolescents arguing about who blanked whose girl, and have come home to groups of pre-adolescent children with language a sailor would be proud of.
I've had my dogs tormented and pelted with trash thrown over my fence. Spaghetti sauce jars, mangled aluminum cans... everything calculated to cause the most harm to delicate paw pads, eyes, noses. Who doesn't like to have a bloody dog? Again, I appreciate the thoughtfulness.
I'm fully aware that the parents of the children that do these things (Oh, how I hope they are children.. that I could handle. If adults are committing these petty annoyances, then I really hope they get a job and grow up soon.) will probably never read this far, or if they do read this, will probably not care to correct their children's behavior. I can only hope that the housing market will improve soon so I can make good on my vow to never get trapped in a neighborhood again. Thanks for making that decision for me, Riverwood.
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