OK....I never entirely believed in reincarnation.
Yesterday, my mind was leaning more toward yes.
I was having a lazy day because my left eye is swollen shut, and my left ear isn't working right..I sat down on the sofa with the phone, talking to a friend. Out of the blue....this HUGE being swooped across the living area and crawled inside my blinds.
It was a wasp-at least 2 foot , er, inches long!
I am very allergic.
I was brave.
I cradled the phone with my right shoulder. I slowly rose from the sofa and inched my way to the kitchen, in search of bug killer and a fly swatter. I returned to the battleground.....I could see his huge silhoutte in the blinds! 
I warned my friend, I may scream.
As any good friend would do-he remained on the line....talking me through it.
My approach was that of a stealth bomber...snuck up, sprayed enough spray to knock a buzzard off its' perch,.
Then I proceeded to beat the blinds to death, oh-50/60 times.
They're metal.
Silence.(well, except for the ringing in my and my friend's ears.)
No encore performance from my little buddy, the wasp. Whew!
So, I lock up 5 hours later, getting ready for bed.I went to the restroom, sat on the toilet....all of the sudden, either my buddy-or a friend sent to avenge his death, appeared, and made a "bee"line for my hair 
I stood up, pants around my ankles, and started doing a "not-so-happy" hair dance. I don't know where he was flung....but I bet my little buddy is sitting somewhere, hiding, plotting revenge on the sick deaf, straggly haired lady.
F'er.
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Blogs by Loreli:
| A night with the Living Dead |
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lazareth
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Jul 8 @ 11:49AM
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damn, now gotta go pee....
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keeno
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Jul 8 @ 11:58AM
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i can feel your pain and know your fear, but i am sitting here laughing my fanny off at the mental images. hope your day goes better, 
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warrior674
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Jul 8 @ 12:19PM
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I'm glad that wasp didn't sting you. 
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daisy315
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Jul 8 @ 12:27PM
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I did that dance the other night.. but I don't know what kinda bug it was,.. I just don't like bugs around me..
keep the bug spray handy hon...
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pamdemonium
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Jul 8 @ 12:52PM
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 I hope you got it!
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CrackerJackPat
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Jul 8 @ 12:59PM
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Bug spray, Lysol, PineSol -- whatever works & is handy I always say. AND LOTS OF IT!!!!
BTW -- is that what got cha in the first place? The reason for the swollen eye & deaf ear? You poor dear girl!
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fenderchick
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Jul 8 @ 1:10PM
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I'm allergic too. This was hilarious but sounds exactly like what happens to me when one get's inside!
I'm glad it didn't get you!
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Super1000x
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Jul 8 @ 1:20PM
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Lord help me get the image of you at the toilet with your pants around your ankles jumping around apparently doing some kind of ritualistic bad hair dance......  S.
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signme
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Jul 8 @ 1:37PM
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Oh Lori, how funny and brave you are!
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mystery2u888
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Jul 8 @ 1:37PM
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I am a visual loreli............... and sorry but had to laugh.............you had quite the night......... 
  xoxo
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emptypages
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Jul 8 @ 2:07PM
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so, you did kill the wasp? what's wrong with your eye? why is it swollen?
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Ginstl
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Jul 8 @ 2:20PM
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Why that little BEEossterd! How dare he make you dance against your will.
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grumblebear
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Jul 8 @ 2:47PM
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you gotta watch out for Karma... lol
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beckyiv42000
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Jul 8 @ 3:05PM
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Oh Lor I was feeling the hunter spirit in you as you stalked the lil bastid but then laughed so hard at the dancing part sowwy but it was funny ...jess be careful for any freinds of the lil f'er k?? they are sneaky lil bastids
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Snappygoddess
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Jul 8 @ 4:00PM
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I am not sorry for laughing.. I have been there so many times(especially living in the south for 14 yrs)...and it is quite the visual
Glad you were not stung though 
Also.....if you have hair spray you can use that..it will stick to the bug wings and keep them from flying away so you can squash em If your bug doesn't have wings.....spray em anyway
Psssstttt Lor....don't look under the bed 
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LaughTillYaPuke
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Jul 8 @ 4:20PM
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I know I shouldn't be laughing...but that was beautiful...
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SpiritEnergy
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Jul 8 @ 4:29PM
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Oh, Lori, take large quanties of vitamin C and rub the sting area with vinegar immediately if you get stung. I have been getting stung by big Fkn RED HORNETS. And yes, I am allergic to them. They have built their home in a wall outside on my deck. I walk past it and the bastids dive bomb me. I have had multiple stings on my hand and one on the back of my shoulder.
Now, I keep a large torch for burning weeds by the back door, peek out and if I see one over there, I light the torch, sneak up on them and hose them down with flame!!!!    Grrrrr. It is warfare here now.
I set out traps today.
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Heaveninawildflower
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Jul 8 @ 6:28PM
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Lori...that was hilarious!
Maybe your next perfume should be Deep Woods Off???
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johnspirit
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Jul 8 @ 7:14PM
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The real proof of reincarnation, especially with insects...
is finding the Dead Body!
Did you find it the first time?
Or did you just piss him off?!
(and did you take away his cell phone to his buddies!)
So sorry for the hilarious adventure, Loreli.
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missliss78
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Jul 8 @ 8:26PM
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You poor thing...are you okay?
Then I proceeded to beat the blinds to death, oh-50/60 times.
They're metal.
I can see it & hear it. Hope you got rid of the little bastards & had a better day!
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Kenn159
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Jul 8 @ 10:52PM
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They talk to one another, I'm sure the word on the street in Waspland is that you are a "Wasp Killer"
I'm convinced the Roaches are plotting against me to avenge their lost relatives that I have killed. 
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Borty
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Jul 9 @ 3:47AM
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I saw a bug once that looked like my uncle George..
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Lovinheart445
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Jul 9 @ 5:48AM
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Loreli...Yeah I too have a visual Too funny!! Hope it all turned ot okay.
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Cynbaby
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Jul 9 @ 10:06AM
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Good thing you didn't get hurt. I seem to get stung or bit often whenever I'm in the woods. I'm not allergic but a wasp got me right on the back part of my knee, it hurt pretty badly 
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Slohand_47
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Jul 9 @ 4:00PM
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I absolutely HATE wasps & bees. I got stung bad when I was about 4 years old and it's a primal fear for me. IF I see them before they see me.... fine, I can deal with it..... kill them, leave them alone, whatever....... but you know how it is.. when you're sitting outside in a lawn chair and with no warning one will buzz right by your head! My hair will stand up (what's left of it) and I will absolutely FREAK OUT
I sympathize, girl.
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waterfire
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Jul 9 @ 5:51PM
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nice
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sensuouswoman
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Jul 11 @ 8:10AM
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Good way to start my morning..............good one kiddo!!!
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Palomino
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Jul 12 @ 12:02AM
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OMG...ask the people from the camping trip in Indiana how I feel about flying, stinging insects! You sound like me and I'm not even allergic. LOL
~*~
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