Neighbors, and the token low life. posted 7/12/2008 1:27:50 AM | 9 kudos what's this?     report abuse tagged: neighbors, ownage

bardnsage

The token low life. The spec of pepper in a pile of salt, the goose on a lake of swans, the pimple on a perfect face,,,, the kernal of corn in the turd of life.

I am the neighbor that everyone else does not speak to, or just rolls their eyes at the mention of my name. The Goblin of the Garden Club, so to speak.

Even though my house sits well hidden by the trees, so that you can't even see it when the foilage is on the trees,,,you know it's there. The one "OMG, how did he get here.",,,,that every neighborhood has to have.

They look down their noses when I drive in, or drive out. The pick-up truck in the feild of fancy imports, and massive SUV's. Yes,,,,we still have them here, because we can afford the gas.

You can find my place just driving in, and looking at the mailboxes. The doctors and attorneys and CPA,s have nice little boxes, with shiney new poles or bricks, little flowers planted by the them, flowery vines on them, vinyl stickers that make them pretty,,,,and mine. Plane box on a non-painted treated pole, leaning to the left, and a bit shakey.

The Belgian mare,,,,shoved into the gate at the derby.

I get all the bad looks, bad jokes, and routinely get left out of meetings and gatherings. They shun me at the PTA, the band boosters, the pool,,,,,hell,,,,they even don't shop in the same stores.

I'm common. I drink, I cuss, and I don't play nice. They want to spend $5000 for a new sign and landscaping for the entrance,,,, and I say,,,,knock yourself out. They ask me for a check,,,, and I remind them they can't put anything in the right of way that is thicker than a 4x4,,,,and I'm not paying for a sign,,,,because I know where I live, and I don't need to advertise it to everyone driving on the highway to feel good about myself.

They circulate a petition, looking to restrict the activities of a guy who owns land adjacent to us, to develop it into a subdivision. They want the tress. I tell them,,,,buy the land, and you can keep the trees. Other than that,,,,it's his damn trees. Besides, it's not on my side of the neighborhood, and I bought a lot that is already surrounded, just extremely woody.

They all mean well, but they are just so not like me. I work hard. I work long. I don't expect anyone to give me anything. I don't ask for anything. I don't expect that I should have a greater input on what happens around me,,,,than anyone else. There is no sense of entitlement or eliteism. My friends drink beer, and I like to cook a pig in the yard. I don't think I've ever met a person whom I call "The Wrong Sort",,,,unless they have a felony record or are on the sex offenders data base.

Two days ago,,,,a tree fell half out of one of the lots in the neighborhood. It hangs just enough in the road, to brush your car when you pass. One of my well meaning neighbors posted a sign on it,,,attached to the branches. "I've fallen, help me."

It's not a joke,,,,, it's not ment to be funny,,,, it's their way of trying to prompt someone to take care of the tree. OK,,,I wasn't too mad,,,,this is just them,,,,and this is the same as them coughing and clearing their throat if someone was smoking a ciggerette in the elevator with them. PASSIVE AGRESSIVE to an art form.

Today,,,, a second sign. "This tree needs help. The lot was unsold with the developmnet because it did not perc.". Now that starts to piss me off. That means someone was so upset about the tree hanging in the road, that they went online to see who owned the lot. (IE, gentle nudge did not work, let's do a direct assault). Then,,,they found out no one "owned" the lot, so they let everyone know that no one owned the lot. Letting the world know, that it is OK to help this tree, and tie it up and hope that it lives. As long as they didn't have to do it......

So, when the car pulled up the driveway,,,, I was more than shocked to hear the president of the garden club ask me to tie up the tree. WTF. I asked him why he was aking me,,,,,and was he asking everyone. No,,,,just me. Because they thought I could do it, and it seemed a job I was the most capable to handle.

I told him,,,,since the neighbors didn't like me at the meetings, couldn't see fit to even wave (a southern insult), or speak,,, then perhaps he should ask the person who posted the signs on the tree to tie it up. The burr was obviously up their butt, not mine. They could get off their collective asses, and take care of the tree themselves.

He asked me about my community pride,,,,and why I didn't have any. I told him I had none, because I didn't like living with a bunch of phoney people who think they are better than everyone else, and choose to have nothing to do with me, until there is something they want. As far as I'm concerned,,,, I'm a good enough driver to move my truck 1 foot in the other direction, and miss the damn tree.

He then told me I should move,,,, since I couldn't even be bothered with signing the petition to keep Mr. X from building a subdivision. I told him I admired him,,,,because any man coming into my yard, asking me to move, obviously had no fear of buckshot. He got the message and left.

Trouble is,,,,now it's a war. Honor demands vengence. Both on a small scale, and a big one.

So,,,,I called the banker and left a message for him to call me tonight,,,,no matter how late. Then I got out my saw. (continued)

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