An American Satirist Freedom Lover in London. posted 7/17/2008 2:53:12 PM | 4 kudos what's this?     report abuse tagged: love, marriage, immigration

BionicCouple

Deda here.
I made it to London. I made it as far as Immigration. Since I only had a one way ticket and no marriage visa (I didn't read the bloody Home Office webpage well enough), I was immediately locked in detention with Afghanis, Russians, Nigerians, and all the others who came to Britain for a better life. I was tormented endlessly, interrogated, searched over and over and over, had sarcastic comments mad about my luggage, interrogated more, pushed from one locked room to another, sign this, sign that, "this is to verify that you understand that we have the right to deprive you of sleep or dignity", taken in a caged van to an overnight detention center where I counseled Russians in my pigeon Russian, woken at 4 am to go back to airport detention, where I sat in the horrible room I was tormented in before and I helped some poor guy who spoke only Peshtoo (Afghani) get an interpreter. I was flown back to Charlotte N.C., where I had to beg the US Airways supervisor to book me a ticket to Jackson for $115.00. I never got to see Angel, she was in the airport and one of the beaurocrats a frigid female with the heart of a scorpion interrogated her. I spoke to her from the phone in the cell. Different kind of cell phone, I guess.
Those M*th*rf*ck*rs haven't seen the last of me. My band is going into the studio to record a lovely operetta about all this. I'm setting up another gallery opening and selling more paintings (as well as a portrait commission I had to turn down to go to Britain.. I will have my round trip ticket (though I'm staying) and my marriage visa and oodles of American money to have cut in half (a half oodle?) and every t crossed and i dotted. They will have to let me in. My operetta will make Llord Weber slap his mama, and the beaurocrats hang themselves. That's the angry indignant part. The happy part is this:
Angel and I will be together. I love her more than life, this should be obvious. When I get to her, she will know she is really loved.
Anyone who says internet relationships can't work out, is either picking the worng people or just too weak or cowardly to pull it off. If you really love someone, you must be willing to put your valentines where you mouth is. Life is tough at times and we must be brave and face it's challenges with courage and strength.
Otherwise, even if you get together, you won't make it through the hard times together.
I must add one thing, to be fair. Most of the British beaurocrats spoke to me gently and with respect (unlike American cops who have been really sh"tty to me in the past!). The worst I got was cold and accusatory (the aforementioned c*nt that interrogated both Angel and I). They kept me fed (sometimes it was bad egg salad sandwiches), they are heartless toward smokers, but that is the problem with leftist fascists. The overnight detention was friendly and comfortable with a nice clean bed, good food (better than that egg salad!) and they finally let me smoke.
I came back proud to be American, loving good ole boring Mississippi, and more determined than ever to be with my girl. We WON'T be keeping you guys posted on this any more. We feel (superstitiously) that we are jinxing ourselves by doing that. The Bionic Couple are about to cancel. We will be together, you can bet on that. We just don't have time to worry with MD and one of my female "friends" who weedled Angel's mailing address out of me had the rudeness to send me a birthday card and call Angel by the name she hates. That so called friend can f*ck off. I'm out of here. I will still be in London soon and this time the beaurocrats will have to let me in. I'm the bionic man, and they can never ever break my spirit. Joke 'em if the can't take a f*ck.
Thank you for reading, pardon the expletives. You'd be p*ssed too. I'm about to p*ss back. I love Angel, I hate beaurocrats. I will be there with big bells on!
Deda has spoken.
Angel Deda
Home Office

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