...as our lips drew nearer there was an incredible electricity that passed between us. Our kiss was not one of friends nor merely lovers, but of two halves of one soul reunited and made whole at long last...
It was an extraordinary first kiss. We had never laid eyes on each other before this night but we had shared so much of ourselves already, online and on the phone. I felt I had known him forever and yet there was that rush of a fresh and new relationship too. If you have never experienced it I doubt you could ever believe in love at first sight, but as I stood there, gazing into his clear blue eyes I knew it was exactly that, love at first sight. Or was it? In our many lengthy conversations, I felt myself falling...not that sinking "uh-oh" kind of falling but more a comfortable drifting, secure there would be a soft place to land. In one short week, this man had shown me more kindness, understanding and care then I had seen from my ex-husband in the entire 15 years I had been with him (five as boyfriend and girlfriend, and nearly ten married.) I was convinced this man was my reward for always being a good wife, always honoring my vows in spite of his abuse. I convinced myself this man was a gift straight from the hands of God and as such, I would always cherish him.
The date itself was unremarkable if viewed from the outside. We met at a neutral spot, he brought (of all people) his aunt and a friend to break the tension and help me feel a little more relaxed. We went across the border to Casino Windsor and even though it sounds like a pretty "run-of-the-mill" date it was anything but. I was in complete awe of this man. He had a self-assured way about him that I found incredibly appealing; an air of confidence that was intoxicating. We played the slots (without much luck!) and he played poker as I watched, which was amazingly sexy for some reason. He owned that table and everyone at it, without even trying. We had dinner (just him and I) in the "up-scale" restuarant in the casino, and delighted in finding we had a shared love of cheesecake, even when it was gussied up and foo-foo, like any desert in a five star restaurant should be.
At the end of the night, he dropped me back to my car and as we stood there, saying our goodbyes he stepped in and took me in his arms and just laid one on me. My head began to swim, my heart thumped and my body melted. The kiss seemed to last a lifetime, and in someways it really has because writing about it brings it all back to me now. The touch of his strong, yet gentle hands, the tickle of his moustache, the smell of his cologne and warm sweetness of his tongue.
This would be the beginning of a torrid love affair, one that would have me dancing and singing one moment, only to push me to the edge of a very dark place and beckon like a siren song for me to jump. It's funny how something so good can also be so bad; how one relationship can be both the most amazing and passionate love of your life and the most damaging, soul-crushing torment you have ever experienced. You see, that is how it was for us...there were no gray areas, only black and white. It was either complete euphoria or bone-crushing grief. Never was there any middle ground for us. I could not know all this, standing there awash in the glow of new love. All I knew as I stood nose to nose with this beautiful man was that I was absolutely smitten. I knew it was time to go home but I would have given anything to stay right there in that moment forever, completely at home enveloped in his strong embrace.
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