Thunder has rolled all week...a severe storm took out our power for 26 hours......
I've been here 34 months, living in a 'tree house' (apartment above garage) that faces the woods. I came here after my father died, to look after my mother until things settled down and she decided what she wanted to do. I'm still here. And I'm okay with that. Although its been a tough journey getting to the point where I can say it and truly mean it with all my heart. I've had my low moments, and I am happy to report, they are no longer with me. For the longest time I felt as though God put me here as a means of punishing me for my sins. I now know that is not correct. He put me here because he knew I was the 'one' who would take proper care of my mother and that I would not desert her. He also knew that I would do everything humanly possible to make her 'home' a safe and more pleasant place to live. God gave me this mission, because he knew I could handle it.
I have 6 siblings. Three sisters, three brothers, two of which live a distance of 12 miles north. Since my fathers death, the two close brothers have come to mothers less than half a dozen times and that is stretching it. The older brother has been here once and the rest haven't been back since the funeral in '05. All live in state. The two brothers that are close did come the first year and tore down the old dog coup and fencing, hauled away an old trailer and took what they wanted of dads. No phone calls, no invites for holidays, etc; I no longer bear any grudges towards my siblings. They have to answer for their actions or, non-actions.
My mother in her way of thinking, can not make any major decisions without the input of the 'boys'. So, these past 2 yrs +, I set in motion the wheels to help my mother possibly get moved into senior housing, so all the boys have to do is come and participate in a one on one with mother. Papers for power of attorney await the 'chosen' brother whom my mothers wishes to have power of attorney. I secured copies and they have been waiting for my brother to find time to come over, so we can get that squared away. That was months ago. Big sigh!!! 
A friend, graciously offered this summer to come and help fix a couple things that needed repaired before winter. My mothers porch roof was rotted away and had been leaking since I came here. The drywall and insulation was nasty and falling down...and filled with God awful black mold! Mother had called my brothers repeatedly to help out with that situation, with no response or action. Enter: someone who is very generous with their time, energy and expertise. Between the two of us, we got a temporary fix on the roof so it wouldn't leak and tore out all the drywall and insulation. The room was then scrubbed down thoroughly and it too is now neat and tidy, as well as safe for human passage.
My water pipes had frozen and broke this past winter. I didn't spaz out when my brothers didn't offer to help. I cleaned up the water in the shop below and went without water until the above dear heart (friend) fixed my pipes several weeks ago. What a blessing and a treat to have water and the use of my own toilet...lol.
The neighbors here have been good to my mother, as they were good friends and neighbors when my father was alive and getting himself 'lost'. (dementia) They check on my mother when I am gone and even when I here. They bring her gifts and treats etc; (like family).
A month ago, our mower died. We can't afford a new mower. I simply sucked it up. The neighbor offered up his riding mower. I was impressed that he would trust me (a female) with his big mean machine. Big grin. A month passed, the grass and weeds grew unruly. I pretended not to notice...secretly, I did. Once again, the neighbor offered up his mower. So, today I 'borrowed' it. The yard is neat, tidy and trimmed once again...flowerbeds weeded. Everything looks dandy. Thanks entirely to our good neighbors.
Mother now owes nothing on the property, and exists solely on SSI. As long as there are no major catastrophes, we should be okay. She no longer drives or owns a car. Her health is poor, but she manages to get around fairly good for the condition of her legs and knees. I run all her errands for her needs and take her to her Doctor's appt.
I keep the ball rolling for her. I've spent countless days upon days since coming here, cleaning up what had become a jungle. Nothing had be kept up for nearly five years...that is how my 'iron curtain' brush pile in the woods came to be. I've made it neat and tidy. I scoured the surrounding brush and woodline for bushes and plants of my fathers and moved them all into flower beds near my moms deck and trailer house. His flowers are blooming like crazy this year.
The shed, shop and garage are no longer a horror to enter. Charity smiles. I recently gave a truckload of 'good stuff' of my dads to a young man I know. He was ecstatic and generously offered his help in the future, as well as his folks farm dumpsters if needed. It's been a long journey learning to be the receiver, instead of the giver. I have much to fill my book of 'gratitudes'.
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| Friends, neighbors and gratitudes |
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redtigr
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Jul 19 @ 9:44PM
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Your blog is a reminder to me that I've meant to thank a few heroes of my own...
It's hard for me to accept help. At this juncture in life I realize that I may never be able to repay kindness except in-kind. I'm a proud person - but one who is beginning to be cognizant of her limits. When it comes to large expensive repairs entailing the labor of more than just my two hands, I am able to accept an offer of aid - but unable to be the one to ask.
And yet... I recall many times how much pleasure I felt being able to help someone else; the lending of tool/s, a mower, even a car. A friend told me a while back that my refusal to accept help in return was a kind of "selfishness" because it meant others felt indebted to me, and yet could not have that small pleasure of "repaying" when circumstances were reversed.
And so I am learning give and take... like you, late in life.
~*~.
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silksox
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Jul 19 @ 11:39PM
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One_Dimple......
You, my dear, are the hero  ...Thanklessly working for the Mother you love without the care or concern of your own brothers.  ..And I marvel that you hold no grudge when your Mom prefers one of them over you to convey power of attny to..and you are the cheerful slave..
All I can say is.....  your brothers are doggone lucky to be in your family and NOT mine...I'd raise cain...
I need to humble myself and become more like you....
God loveth a cheerful giver.........blessings upon you.. 
Silk
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LQQking4the1
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Jul 20 @ 12:03AM
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I have been the dutiful daughter that takes care of my parents needs also. My mom and step dad have been together since I was 10, between them, they have six children, all of which live much closer than I and yet I am the one that handles everything. Some of us are cut out for the hard work, and some are not. I look at it this way, I know there is no one that will fight harder for my folks, work harder for them, or take better care of them. I suspect the same is true of the care you take of your mother. She is a fortunate woman to have such a devoted daughter. God only puts on you what you can handl. For, that which you cannot handle, he gives you friends to share the load. 
Take care, and kudos! ~*~
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