Ooh, did she make you cry, make you break down
Shatter your illusions of love?
And is it over now, do you know how?
Pick up the pieces and go home
- Stevie Nicks "Gold Dust Woman"
I dance for no one. But I was only too happy to dance with the "one who got away" recently. I had been estranged from her for fifteen years but I had held something of a torch for her all that time. It was a secret torch - one I managed to keep a secret from everyone. Everyone that is, but myself. Jung said that the conscience mind could only hold so much before it began to transfer that which was unimportant to the sub-conscience mind. She survived all those cuts for fifteen years. For a third of my life she had remained a constant.
She was as beautiful as ever. More so even. I could tell she had really mellowed with age. She laughed as we talked at her table in way I never saw before. It was an impromptu reunion in a local club that lasted only a couple of hours. And although I enjoyed our time immensely, when my cab finally arrived, I was a most willing passenger as I was ready to move on.
During the cab ride home, I reflected on our evening; on how it was just like old times. Old times, that is, except for the fact that for the first time in fifteen years, I no longer had feelings for her.
I talked to my friend from the land of cheese a day or two later and explained that I felt liberated from that gnawing feeling of regret and remorse and longing that I kept for all those years and that I felt relieved that I had some real and final closure in this matter. And indeed, I felt as though I had a tumor removed from my soul and began feeling much healthier emotionally. That feeling has stayed with me for a couple of months now.
But there's a new gnawing feeling these days. I don't know what to make of it. The only conclusion I've been able to come up with is that I miss the old gnawing feeling. Perhaps I was addicted to that pain and am just going through the withdrawal stage. Perhaps it is the fear that I've hardened to the extent that I no longer have the capacity to recreate those feelings for someone else. Perhaps it is a combination. Perhaps it's something else entirely. Perhaps I should have pondered this post more carefully before writing it. Perhaps I'm just not good with endings.
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Tunes4u
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Aug 5 @ 2:01PM
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One of my most favorite song writers................
~*~
The One That Got Away
John Gorka
I grew up beneath the trees Not far from the refineries
Aimed at the sky like a smoking gun
I learned to walk, I learned to run away
In tracing back our history It's a wonder how we came to be
A love driven through a dozen states
With your technique for keeping me awake
The day we met is still a blur
Though I remember just how nice you were
& what you wore in Central Park And how you left before the darkness fell
Now I cry over these strings
This sentimental case of things
Though I'm better with each passing day
I guess you'll be the one that got away
'Cause everyone has one of those
You wear them like you wear your clothes
Except they don't come off at night
They are the space you hold up to the light
And somewhere along the line
You'll turn into a friend of mine
Who knows of my unspoken cares
Amid the aftermath of love affairs
Now I cry over these strings
This sentimental case of things
Though I'm better with each passing day
I guess you'll be the one that got away
Now I stand beneath the trees
Not far from the refineries
Aimed at the sky like a smoking gun
I'll learn to walk, I'll learn to run again
~*~
Tunes
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LaughTillYaPuke
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Aug 5 @ 3:38PM
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But, closure is good. And if you could part with posative feelings, that doesn't make it a loss. Ever.
Actually, that sounded like a pretty darn good ending. Alhtough it sure took you long enough to get there. 
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misschoos
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Aug 5 @ 3:40PM
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~*~
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luvshorses644
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Aug 5 @ 5:08PM
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I understand the missing of that gnawing feeling. I believe it most probably is a combo of small withdrawal and a little hardening tossed into the batch for a kick. But it is but another phase in your liberation from regret and remorse of "the one that got away"... been there, done that, and I have moved past those odd combination stages and am moving toward the opening of the possibility of find that "one that will not want to get away and I will not want him to either"..
Your ending is fine, and too much pondering .. oK, I will just speak for me.. gives me a headache. Love Stevie!!!!
~*~
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redtigr
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Aug 5 @ 8:08PM
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What was once an old wound will now become a scar. Whether feeling returns to the scarred place is mostly up to you. Scars are strong. They hold us together.
Children show scars like medals. Lovers use them as secrets to reveal. A scar is what happens when the word is made flesh. ~Leonard Cohen
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jentoblues101
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Aug 5 @ 9:08PM
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I remember this conversation....
Perhaps it is the fear that I've hardened to the extent that I no longer have the capacity to recreate those feelings for someone else.
I don't think that's it, baby. I think think you do have those feelings...for me!
~Your Friend From The Land Of Cheese~
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missliss78
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Aug 5 @ 11:41PM
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redtigr said: What was once an old wound will now become a scar. Whether feeling returns to the scarred place is mostly up to you. Scars are strong. They hold us together. and I would like to add:
Scars do fade with time.
Great blog.~*~
Nice to see you back again.
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ragtopcookie
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Aug 6 @ 2:53AM
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Time does heal......but it does change us somehow......sometimes...not for the better.....but hey.....you get what you play for.....REO speedwagon.....1977...two songs recorded live right here in indy........cookie
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