My aunt died a few weeks ago. She was in her mid-70's, had cancer, and had been legally blind for the last ten years, so while we were all sad to lose her, it was time for her to go. Our family reunion was today and her husband showed up with a bag of mixed nuts as his 'covered dish' and I realized that I can't be upset about my boyfriend of one year breaking up with me when this man has just lost his wife of fifty-odd years.
And I thought, how upset am I really? I'm lonely, and I had made lots of plans for the rest of my life that he destroyed by leaving me, but I've bounced back pretty quickly. I haven't cried in days and I'm eating again. I am bitter and cynical about having to go back to the dating pool, but I'm not sure if I miss him enough to have really loved him.
What if I didn't love him? What if I loved how he treated me, and not how he actually was? This bothers me because I am a self-sufficient person who does not like to take advantage of people. What if I just got used to having a guy pay for my dinner and drive me around and fix things? What if that was the only thing I loved about him? That would make me shallow and awful.
And I want to still be in love with him because I hate being wrong, and if it turns out I didn't love him, than I made a terrible mistake. I don't like making mistakes. Things were easy and comfortable with him. I had everything worked out--I even had the wedding planned. I don't like the idea of me not loving him when I was so convinced I did.
Shouldnt this hurt more? Shouldn't it hurt longer? I suppose time will tell.
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PsychoMagnet
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Aug 10 @ 1:23AM
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What if I didn't love him? What if I loved how he treated me, and not how he actually was?
What if you were in love with the way he made you feel? I believe that is the simply the first stage of love for a woman.
You're wise beyond your years. You'll do fine - I promise.
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Detach
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Aug 10 @ 4:15AM
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Whether you have dated someone for a couple of months or a few years, I think everyone you dated for the long term has touched us in some way and is permanantly a part of us.
It's good that you weren't with him long enough to be too painfull, but perhaps you are also jealous of your aunt that you don't have someone who would miss you as much as her significant other did. 
I don't think there will be many relationships in the future like your aunts, sad as that may sound. All one can do is go out, date and strive to find the one relationship you can be with for the duration. Good luck in your pursuit. 
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lisa46
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Aug 10 @ 8:45AM
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I hope your aunt had children so they can visit with your uncle. He will be so lonely and lost for a while. And that shows true love
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ElmerFudd445
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Aug 10 @ 12:10PM
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We let many people come into and out of our lives for many reasons. Each person, friend and lovers fill what we need in our lives in those moments. Some we let stay in our lives because they fulfill our needs, they complete something missing in our lives. Others go because they have fulfill there needs and we do the same... Each person that comes and goes leave something behind and has made a mark in your life. You take away from a friendship/relationship the things you need. You grow from everyone that touches you or that you have touched.
We all have experienced the hurt from past loves, family and friends, but in the end, if you examine that relationsip, good and bad, you find you have learned so much that can make your life better.. There is where the joy is to be found, the lessons learned, and is truly what can make your life on earth great..
Concentrate on the good and the joys of what you have taken from your friendships and relationships.. It is very healing
just my thoughts
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