GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER

1. Sag, you're It.


2. Hide and go pee.


3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.


4. Kick the bucket


5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.


6. Musical recliners.


7. Simon says something incoherent.


8. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy





SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE :





1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.


2. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names
on them.


3. You change your underwear after a sneeze.





OLD IS WHEN:





1. Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your
face.


2. You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as
you don't have to go along.


3. Getting a little action means I don't need fiber
today.


4. Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking
lot.


5. An all-nighter means not getting up to pee!


THOUGHTS FOR A SLOW WEEK:





Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could
simply press 'Ctr Alt Delete' and start all over?





Just remember, if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.





If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have
started with something called labor!





Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.





But Most Of All,
Remember:





A Good Friend Is Like A Good Bra: Hard to Find,
Supportive, Comfortable,


And Always Close To Your Heart! :) ================= Ponderisms:


I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that
most people die of natural causes.





Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you
are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out
of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.





The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy
a replacement.





Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.





In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now
the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.





How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but
it takes a whole box to start a campfire?





Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I
think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?' (I love this one)





Who was the first person to say, 'See that chicken there?
I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt.' (And I love this one)





If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song
about him?





Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if he's
going to look up there anyway?





Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?