I was in a relationship that was mentally draining, it took away the ME I use to be, I thought I loved him, he said he loved me, but there were things I didnt understand. How do you love someone and talk bad about them behind their backs, how do you throw the angry words that you know will hurt the other person. how do you live the single life and still want to be in a relationship?
It took about a year but I fianlly made the choice to let go and walk away, my heart is so dammm empty right now, I feel alone, scared and hopeless somtimes.
Every day seems harder when it should be getting easier, I ask myself all the time, does it hurt more to be alone or to be in a relationship that I wasnt happy with? Stupid huh? but at least he was there.
I guess I am looking for words of wisdom, words of faith, support...
How do I move on, like he did, already. how do I make myself realize, I had to leave,because there is better out there.
Where do I go from here, and how do I face all this lonleyness alone?
God I miss him, but why???????????????????
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| WHEN DOES THE HURT STOP AND HOW DO YOU MOVE ON? |
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kywonder
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Sep 16 @ 10:29PM
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I wish that I had words of wisdom to offer. Through my divorce after 25 years of marriage, I had to take it one step at a time. Some days I had to take it an hour at a time. It was not easy. One thing I did, was to give myself permission to be hurt, to be sad, to be mad and to eventually get it out of my system. But "time" is the best healer of all.
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wolfmist
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Sep 16 @ 10:37PM
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I think that you're not really missing the person, you're missing the security it represented to be in a relationship. I'm sure you don't miss the abuse. A lot of us feel insecure.
My best advice would be to find someone you can talk to about this. I'm not a huge fan of shrinks... having been married to one... perhaps you can find one you can work with or a counselor from a women's facility but I'm betting your area has support groups for broken hearts, pastoral counselors if you're religious, or you probably just know some good women with common sense to snap you out of the blues and help you move on. One of my best supports is my girlfriends who kick me in the butt if they see me looking at the wrong man. LOL
Ultimately, you need to sort yourself out before you leap back into a romance. If you fall into the next one still feeling insecure and needy, you're going to attract the same kind of guy again. Better to be on your own than to be with someone who will abuse you in any way shape or form. You're stronger than that.... you just have to find the place inside you where the strength is hiding. Trust me, it's there.
Hugs!
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summerbreeze916
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Sep 16 @ 11:19PM
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Dear blondeandpetite............
Believe me when I tell you this. You did the right thing and KNOW it! Someone who truly cares about another WOULD NOT talk badly about that person behind her/his back. He/she WOULD NOT intentionally hurt that person with words they KNOW would hurt the one they care about. I can understand that you would feel empty, alone and scared right now, but NEVER give up hope. I believe there is a person out there for each of us. But it isn't EVERY person that enters our lives.
If this man behaves in this manner now, how do you honestly think he would treat you as time went on? Far worse, I am certain. Yes..........it hurts sometimes to be alone, but it is far worse to be in an unhappy relationship. You hit the nail on the head when you said, "There is better out there." And.....you are soooo right in your thinking. It sounds as though he moved on already. Hold your head up, mourn your loss for a short time, if you must, but please don't dwell on or waste too much of your time on a guy who's full of himself. You have already given enough of your time and energy to see if your relationship could work. Don't give him any more of it.  Life is waaaaay too short! Now SMILE and tell yourself............Good riddance to bad rubbish, and let him be somebody else's headache. You deserve better! 
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observed50
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Sep 17 @ 12:14AM
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BP> If you want to understand where you are at, and what your head is doing that keeps you in pain, afraid and thinking that bad is better than nothing, then you need to step away from thinking for a second that being BP is important, because the pain doesn’t care who you are or what it is that has you spinning. The mind is the mind is the mind, and pain is simply the mind thinking the world SHOULD look different (expectations) and in its inability to see the world as it is, leaps on you and beats you up because is pain is an echo of self-denigration and abuse. – “I must have done something wrong???”
Simply…this person couldn’t run as you wanted him to run. No matter how you put meat on that bone, that is all it to which it boils down…the shoe did not fit the foot. And neither of you knew enough to alter the foot or the shoe so they might fit. No big deal. I know it feels like a big deal, and I know that you seem stuck in your pain and confusion…but that’s because you think if you spin around in your head long enough, you’ll be able to see something, come to an ‘ah-ha!’ experience and change something – either yourself or him. That’s why the brain is so noisy right now…you’re rummaging through everything a hundred times so sure that somewhere in your past is a clue to where you are now in the present…
But you won’t find anything there because you’ve never been here before. No one has. No one can tell you how to get out of your pain. But your brain, if you allow it to, will show you how. But it requires that you deeply confront how little you know about the process, and then willingly surrender to the learning that the pain demands. Pain is nothing more than the brain’s scream for you to learn a lot more because the world view you’re holding is soooooo ineffective.
“BUT HE LOVED ME!”…or so he thought, or said. And the same with you. But so what?? What does love have to do with broken expectations? Or with unmet exchanges? With the world not being as you wanted to believe it is? Your pain is not about your love…it is about your attachment…you attachment to this meaningful other to whom you gave the power to tell you of your value and worth. And seeing it not working, you have internalized that he has said, basically, that you are not good enough. That justifies the pain…thinking I could have been/done something different, something more.
Because we’ve never been taught…it’s simply about the shoe not fitting the foot. You don’t sit at the store and scream at the shoe manager to make the shoe fit. But we sure scream at our significant others to ‘fit’…i.e., be different. “YOU SAID!!!!’ I TRUSTED YOU!!!! I LOVED YOU!!!!!” (to be screamed at full volume).
Why do you miss him??? Because you miss the image you are creating of him in your head where you slice off the bad things and focus on the good…because the mind does not want to do the work of creating new relationship and does not want to do anything to change itself…and frankly, the drug of relationship helps calm my brain a little so its not screaming about all the voids and meaninglessness and self-doubt and imagined diminishing of my life. We all know people of the yo-yo who break and return, break and return. That is part of what the missing him is all about.
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dallas1995
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Sep 17 @ 12:22AM
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be the flame...
not the moth...
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burdinep
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Oct 18 @ 11:05PM
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well i am sure you have some good friends....and as long as you have good friends you are really never alone......i am sorry someone did this to you and hopefully you will find what you are looking for soon
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Cruisenite
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Oct 18 @ 11:55PM
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Take time for you! Get through the grieving for the loss of the relationship because that is required before you can ever have a good relationship in the future. You are worthy of much more than you were receiving! Say that to yourself. You know it's true.
Only time will help you heal. Remember it's not an overnight process either. When your head finally clears of the pain, the hurt, the confusion, think about what YOU want in a GOOD relationship and then settle for nothing less than that.
You'll make it fine. Hang in there! 
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imlost2
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Oct 19 @ 9:11AM
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Blonde, to answer your question about why he's talking bad about you? Maybe he's trying to convince himself you are what he is saying. He knows better, but saying it out loud maybe helps him get out of the relationship easier. Whatever the reason, he wants out, therefore, let him out and realize he's not the one for you and understand this: You deserve better...........take care Lost
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