Govt. Bails Out Overweight Hookers posted 9/19/2008 1:12:04 AM | 1 kudo what's this?     report abuse tagged: congress, crack

Gary51hwd

After the recent bailouts of Bear Sterns, Fannie Mae, Freddy Mac, and AIG, and the impending bailouts of Investment Banks, Defaulting Homeowners, and the Auto Industry, the Federal Government announced today that it was puting aside 20 Billon dollars to assist overweight hookers, who have had a sharp downturn in business recently.
Skinny streetwalkers have been on the rise since crack cocaine came onto the scene over twenty years ago. The slimmer whores are faster to reach the john's cars and talk to the customer, cutting a deal before the heavy ho's can even cross the street. They also tend to work for less because they eat less, and they look better to the motorist, at least until you see them up close.
The fatter hookers have been kept alive by ethnic minorities, who prefer a girl with more "junk in her trunk", known as the "Baby Got Back" phenomenen.
Congress and Federal Employees are major supporters of upscale "working girls", who, like our Government, do most of their work on their backs. These ladies are never exposed to street traffic and always seem to be booked up. But the fat skanks are still popular amoungst Junior members of The House, who make very little money after expenses, and tend to crawl the back streets of the Capitol, after hours.
One Congressman, who refused to be named, said "It's getting harder and harder to find a ho with any meat on her bones, here in DC".
The cash payout would be distributed directly to Government employees and lobbyists as a plan to stimulate the economy "from the bottom up". Businesses like McDonalds, Hersheys, Cheeburger Cheeburger, and Dr Scholls, are going to be the first to enjoy the infusion of quick cash, followed by Trojan, KY, and of course, various Swap Meets who supply most of the 'Bling Bling" to pimps nationwide.
A spokesman for Popeye's Fried chicken said, "At last an economic stimulus package that makes sense"!
The next bailout, considerably smaller, to be considered, is the Association of Anglo-Saxon Convenience Store Employees. This group of workers has been dwindling since the early 90's and is in danger of disappearing completely. As of yesterday the AASCSW had a membership roll of just under 12, and the bailout is said to be in the neighborhood of three to four hundred dollars.
Lobbyist groups for the Crack Whores International Union and the Punjab Taxi and Clerk Union are said to be teaming up to fight the proposals as long as hearings aren't scheduled during daylight hours when most of them are still asleep.
A new proposal also includes a "golden parachute" clause for one term, "do nothing" Congressmen and women elected in the 2006 backlash against the Republican Party. These slackers are all expected to be unemployed in about two years, and have no skills to speak of what-so-ever. Many of them may find themselves selling their fat asses on the street corner for a hunk of bread and will, of course, benefit from the "heavy hooker' stimulus plan.

Copy & paste to friend: (Click inside box; Ctrl + C to copy; Ctrl + V to paste)

Blogs by Gary51hwd: Sleep Sleep My Little Sheep .. a poem by me .. Fiction "There's no place like home" Part Three- The Bigger Sleep Fiction "There's no place like home..." Part Two The Road Back Fiction. "There's no place like home..." Part One. The Awakening "We're all Bozo's on this bus....." Movin' .. Four Inches From Death The Race Card Wildlife Behavior Patterns Texas No Hold 'Em.... Hide Your Money! a poem by Me "China Girl" a Poem by Gary Curto Govt. Bails Out Overweight Hookers Quiz Quandry Visitors From Space Down From Last Year Due To High Prices Lasers, The Key To America's Security Seamy Vegas Dives Tourists Will Never Find The Cowboy and the Bull Sunshine Lollipops-Part Two Underwhelming.... Mr. Smith Goes To Washington The Most Important Things In Life.... Here We Go Again...OJ My Favorite Light Bulb Jokes We Sucked....