What do you say when he says, "I want a divorce?" I was speechless! I mean I
knew that we had our ups and down, fought sometimes, and even threatened to leave each other. But in my wildest dreams, I never thought he meant it.
It was just a week before our 24th anniversary and he wanted out. Days went by in a haze. One foot before the other. Sleepless nights as tears ran down my cheeks. Nothing I said mattered. None of the apologies were accepted. He did not even have the heart to wait until I was gone to go to her. I sat on the bed weeping while he packed his bags and said he was going to her house for the weekend.
Christmas was almost on us, when I got the divorce papers, Valentine's day, we went to court, and finally on Memorial day it was final. I guess the finality of the divorce was the only day that made any sense. Memorial Day a day of honoring the dead. Well I was honoring the death of a marriage. Only I did not have flowers to lay on the tombstone, I had my heart. They say that time heals all wounds. After 11 years, I can say that yes it does, but it does not always get rid of the scars.
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| What Do You Say...........when it is all said and done |
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Schmoopy
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Sep 21 @ 12:29AM
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wow that was touching...so sorry for your loss. it will get better.
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SpiritEnergy
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Sep 21 @ 12:29AM
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True, so very true. Some things take forever to heal and only after ours death do we have complete resolution of the pain.
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butterfly943
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Sep 21 @ 12:33AM
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 I can feel your pain...be blessed know that you did what you could to stop it..so now all you can do is wish him well
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wolfmist
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Sep 21 @ 12:48AM
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I was on the other end of that, more or less. I kept asking and asking him to go to counselling, talk to me, work things out. He just stayed at work late, volunteered at the fire department, shut himself up in his den with his computer and his porno, hung out with his friends. Don't get me wrong, he was always where he said he would be... he just wasn't ever THERE.
Then when I finally had enough, he was all surprised. Go figure.... all those times I told him I was nearing the end of my rope over that last year... all the times I begged him to work on things... apparently I was just the wind blowing and he didn't hear me.
There was no other person at all on either part (unless you count porn). There was just me getting sicker and sicker of being the only person in the relationship, being the only parent in the family and being the only one who gave a damn about any of it.
He just kept saying "but I never cheated on you" as if that were the only reason for me to be finished and even THEN he couldn't hear what I was saying. Not forgetting that he accused me of cheating on HIM with every man I knew... including his friends. He EVEN accused me of having an affair with my best girlfriend. I don't cheat. I don't lie. I'm not a lesbian. All these things he should have known from living with me... he never knew me at all.
Divorced 12 years and he STILL only hears what he wants to hear and makes up the rest out of whole cloth.
I can't tell you how much better my life got the day he finally moved out. I could finally have some peace. I don't mean there was ever any fighting... to fight you have to actually have a conversation. The tension of being alone in a couple is tremendous. With him gone, the tension was completely gone.
The one thing I learned.... you can't expect people to behave in the way you would behave yourself. You can't expect them to be anyone other than exactly who they are. Once you stop having expectations that they are going to respond in any way you would respond yourself, you'll be a lot happier.
The hardest part is when you have to stop expecting anything at all, not even simple human decency. Learning who the person really IS, rather than who they want you to believe they are can be a really harsh awakening.
Once he drove drunk with my kids in the car, I stopped expecting anything decent of him... and I get what I expect. The one thing I never EVER thought he'd do was to endanger our kids. You just never know what someone else is capable of.
Honestly, that's not as bitter as it sounds. Now that I don't expect him to behave the way I would, I'm a lot happier. When I was disillusioned and bitter was when I still thought the man he showed me the first few years was the one he would remain. When I thought there were some places he just would NOT go no matter how crappy our relationship got.
Letting that go took away all his power over me.
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travelwoman
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Sep 21 @ 12:54AM
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The scars will remind you to choose better, next time around.
24 years is a long time.... with lots of shared memories. I'm sorry this happened to you.... 
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nnjtoots
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Sep 21 @ 1:38AM
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Im so sorry 4 ur pain, u l get better ! remember what goes round come round ! u will survive. I found out x cheating, by finding anoyher phone on our family plan he s girlfriends, made mistake telling him wanted divorce in his pickup, pushed me out @ 55mph. I SURVIVE! NJTOOTS
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roscoe1955
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Sep 21 @ 2:34AM
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nobody ever says it but it was probably time the charm and the love had gone to the wayside it hurts but it also will heal in time 
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leprichaun_magic
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Sep 21 @ 6:32AM
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Sorry you had that sad time ..
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Sterling555
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Sep 23 @ 12:43PM
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thank you for having the heart to share this
I don't believe in divorce personally
yet the Bible says that if the unbeliever leaves, let them leave and you are not bound to your vows
there is no such thing as a christian divorce
yet having said this, I was married and she divorced me, I was bitter, angry, confused, lashed out at God
yet now today, I could not imagine being with her
it would of stunted my growth as a human being
I wish her well, yet am thankful she did what she did
in my impetutous youth I married her, now many years later, yet still young enough, I am wise to know what to look for in a woman
great blog
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